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My boyfriend and I broke up. Turns out that he was cheating on me. He didn't even have the balls to tell me. He wasn't going to tell me at all. I had to find out from his fuck buddy's myspace page. So I confronted him about it and he didn't deny anything. Sad thing is, I really did love him. I fell for his lies and now I have to pay the consequences. He told me that he didn't know I would get so serious. News Flash! I don't use the word Love lightly. But his selfishness and actions just make everything all the more clear. I am meant to be with my first love. Whether my ex thinks it's a good idea or not.

I feel like I'm spiraling into a severe depression. I love my boyfriend, I truly do, yet I keep thinking about my first love, Chaz. I've been having these crazy dreams about him. Maybe it's because I've been searching for answers, or maybe it's because he's trying to tell me something. Who knows? I just know that I can't get him out of my head. I know that he still loves me and I still love him. But I just can't figure out what to do. Everything I do lately reminds me of him. I've even decided to move back to Texas with my stepmom just so that I will be there when he gets back from Iraq. I'm so confused that I just can't seem to think or function the way I use to. It's gotten so bad that I'm getting sick from it. I can't keep doing this. I'll lose my job soon if I can't resolve these issues and it's making me even more ill. I need help but I don't know where to turn. I hate this so much.