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Here’s how to do my amazing toe trick, performed approximately 7 pm CST, 09/09/07
16:55 Sep 11 2007
Times Read: 565






You will need:



One Hobby Lobby receipt



One carpeted floor



One half used bag of frozen hash browns



One half used bag of frozen broccoli and cauliflower



One towel



One bottle of Ibuprofen



One cordless telephone



One unsuspecting person complete with both toes and feet in working order







Place Hobby Lobby receipt in the walkway between the kitchen and the bedroom. Have unsuspecting person walk to kitchen. On the way back to the bedroom have the person step on the receipt with right leg. As the person steps upon the receipt it will cause their leg to go backwards. Now, while the right leg is flying backwards the left leg will naturally attempt to regain balance, as this happens the left big toe will do an AMAZING pirouette resting all of the body weight of the person solely on the left big toe. When the person lands on the floor, the right leg should be in a kneeling position and the left leg should have the foot flat on the floor, in a sort of crouching position. The person should then hold the left foot, and cradle it in their hand while saying ‘please don’t be broken, please don’t be broken’ out loud, while trying to wiggle the big toe. After there is confirmation that the toe will indeed move the person should then limping proceed to the bed and prop up left foot with a pillow and take a handful of ibuprofen. After a few minutes have them call a good friend to tell them about the experience. Have the friend suggest putting some sort of cold pack on the afflicted toe, which in turn will make the person to go back to the kitchen. Upon moving too quickly the person will go into a mild shock and become light headed causing them to sit on the floor while still talking to the friend on the phone. They will feel sort of better then suddenly NOT better at all and will very suddenly lie on the floor while coming extremely close to blacking out. Meanwhile, the friend on the phone will be freaking out wondering what the hell is going on and getting ready to come to the wounded person’s home to make sure that they are not dead from stubbing their toe. In the nick of time before the friend can dash out of the house the person in question comes out of it and assures the friend that they are ok. In a few minutes the person will be able to stand again and go to the kitchen and recover a half used bag of frozen hash browns (as the person has no ice to use) and towel. Once the objects are recovered, have them make a hasty (well hasty as possible, more of a quick zombie shuffle) back to the bedroom to put the frozen hash browns wrapped in the towel on the now swelling and bruising toe. When the hash browns begin to unfreeze it will be necessary to do the zombie shuffle back to the kitchen to grab the bag of broccoli and cauliflower to lay upon the toe. Repeat dosage of handful of ibuprofen.



**I will hopefully have pics of my toe to share soon, meanwhile, I’ll be perfecting my zombie shuffle with and with out a cane (I’m a multifaceted zombie shuffler.. hehehe)**