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Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson), an average teenager, wonders why no one has ever decided to become a real-life superhero like the ones in the comic books. After being mugged while a bystander watches and does nothing, he decides to become a real-life superhero. He buys a scuba suit on eBay as his costume and becomes a masked crime fighter, despite the fact he has no superpowers or training of any kind.
Dave fails miserably: he is beaten, stabbed, and hit by a car. He convinces paramedics to say nothing of his costume and pretends he was brought in naked. He spends several weeks in the hospital, where his bones have been repaired with metal plates, and nerve damage has diminished his ability to feel pain. Returning to school Dave finds his longtime crush Katie Deauxma (Lyndsy Fonseca) is surprisingly interested in him. Thinking he is gay, she wants to take care of him. He goes along with this in an effort to spend time with her.
Undeterred by his earlier setback, Dave intervenes in a gang fight, defending against three men using modified night-sticks. Kick-ass is really a kick-ass. A bystander records the event on his phone and also captures Dave dubbing himself "Kick-Ass". The video becomes a YouTube phenomenon, making Kick-Ass an overnight sensation, he then sets up a MySpace account so people can contact Kick-Ass. While spending time with Katie, she admits that she was being harassed by a drug dealer; he convinces her to ask Kick-Ass for help. He then investigates, ending up in an apartment full of violent lowlifes who try to kill him. He is rescued by costumed vigilante Hit-Girl (Chloë Moretz), who kills the attackers and then leaves with her father, Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage). Later, they visit Kick-Ass, having tracked him down by tracing his MySpace account. Hit-Girl and Big Daddy inform Kick-Ass that they can work together, and they will keep in contact.
Believing Kick-Ass to be responsible for numerous deaths within his crew and the theft of his drug money, local crime syndicate leader Frank D'Amico (Mark Strong) orders his men to eliminate him. D'Amico's son Chris (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) suggests a different approach - he will pose as a superhero ("Red Mist") to entice Kick-Ass into meeting him, gaining his trust, and leading him into a trap. Red Mist's plan succeeds; he meets Kick-Ass through his website. Later, they arrive at D'Amico's warehouse to "ambush" his men. There, they find it on fire and his men dead. Red Mist retrieves surveillance footage from a spy camera which shows that Big Daddy is responsible.
Big Daddy is revealed to be a former "super-cop" named Damon Macready. He swore vengeance after D'Amico framed him, which landed Macready in prison. While in prison, his pregnant wife died giving birth to their daughter, Mindy. Training his daughter to fight crime after his release, they become Big Daddy and Hit-Girl. Damon's former partner Marcus (Omari Hardwick) discovers he is the vigilante Big Daddy. He argues Mindy has a right to a normal childhood but agrees to keep their secret.
Realizing the seriousness of his situation, Dave wants to quit. He tells Katie he is Kick-Ass; she forgives him for lying about being gay, and becomes his girlfriend. Checking his website, Dave finds a flood of urgent messages from Red Mist requesting they meet due to D'Amico putting a price on their heads. When they meet, Red Mist asks Kick-Ass to find Hit-Girl and Big Daddy. Arriving at one of their safe houses with D'Amico's men following, Red Mist shoots Hit-Girl, knocking her off a window ledge out onto the ground below. Kick-Ass and Big Daddy are captured and taken to a warehouse where the gangsters stage an internet broadcast, intending to unmask and execute the heroes. They are severely beaten and about to be set on fire, when Hit-Girl kills the henchmen. Big Daddy is badly burned and dies of his injuries after a tender moment with his daughter. Kick-Ass tries to convince Hit-Girl to quit, but she is determined to stop D'Amico.
Posing as a schoolgirl, Hit-Girl enters D'Amico's headquarters and kills the guards. She battles through the headquarters killing nearly all of D'Amico's henchmen, but is cornered when she runs out of ammunition. As she is about to be blasted with a bazooka, she is rescued by Kick-Ass, who flies in on a jet pack fitted with Gatling guns that Big Daddy and Hit Girl had purchased earlier. Kick-Ass and Red Mist then fight, knocking each other out, while Hit-Girl fights D'Amico in his office. Overwhelmed and outgunned, Hit-Girl is nearly killed by D'Amico, until Kick-Ass fires the bazooka, blasting him out of the window where he explodes in mid-air. Red Mist recovers, grabbing his father's sword only to discover Kick-Ass and Hit-Girl have already gone.
Hit-Girl and Kick-Ass retire from crime fighting, with Mindy living a normal life under the care of Marcus and attending the same school as Dave. In the epilogue, Kick-Ass says another wave of superheroes have been inspired by his exploits, and Red Mist is shown donning a new mask and swearing vengeance.
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