There are many paths to redemption, I am not on one of them, I am Varlion Maharja Santi and this is my story.
My Sentence
"You will be a restless wanderer on the earth."
-Genesis 4:9-16
My Forsaken Exsitence
"Perdonarme il padre per sono il pecato"
"Forgive me Father for I am sin"
I feed the overwhelming desire that burns incessantly within, I am effortless yet difficult to few about my ways. I don't resist temptation, for like a vampire before the breaking of dawn I want that bite. I am drawn towards the unexpected and believe in the moments of life, and death, the experience of love, and heartache and the whirlwinds of meeting that new someone you can't get enough of. My ravenous hunger aches yet shall not wallow in self pity. I appreciate style and chivalry but what I prize most is honesty, courage and integrity. I have a carnal appetite for that of creativity, energy and wisdom. There are limited fears in life I believe and I appreciate the intensity of living...or not. I favor that of good banter, sudden comebacks and subtle innuendos and take pleasure in the now plain fun flirting that comes with chemistry, a must in my book.
I have a passion for the arts, culture, travel and learning from others. Is reason I am here for why limit oneself to only those whom are near? Why not enjoy the diversity of others that are afar?
I am one who is attracted to prolonged cries of pleasure, fragments of composure, and the mercilessly assailant of tongue and mouth. Primitive appreciation, the tension of shifting bodies, the moments when worlds seem to splinter into a thousand pieces of kaleidoscopic light. I have a considerate attraction, a lust for a lady who doesn't take no for an answer; however there's no doubt about the respect that she must permeate as well while not doing so. I become absorbed in the shyness, the valor and the mystery and secrets women possess; how a lady will shadow her lips when she so daintily eats or when she is shy of her smile. How I simply love a smile that reminds myself of ocean pearls strung upon a necklace, and alluring and complimenting eyes that appear to also beam when she does. The eyes which gleam with mystery and twinkle when smiling, allowing you to know for certain that her smile is true. I adore the tiny giggles and sensual sighs and the cotton candy lemon drop feelings as I call it and tactile sensations a lady gives. Women; how I admire, respect and am afraid of them as how they truly are the ultimate and the proof of purity and are of so many delicacies.
"The unforgiven souls of the sin of lust are blown about in restless hurricane like winds symbolic of their own lack of self control to their lustful passions in earthly life"
Distressing how we are but of an existence in which frame our needs on outwardly appearance. Beauty simply does not lie only on the surface...the suspension in which a beautiful woman captures your attention certainly may limit ones apt ability to further get to know them. For where we as man allow sexual rapture and lust make set decision for us. But in truth it is her being that captures our interest. For the fondest of cherubs were not painted on great plastered walls and ceilings for in which whom they were, but as a proxy, were painted for the beauty in which they represented.
“Those true eyes Too pure and too honest in aught to disguise The sweet soul shining through them”
-Owen Meredith
I consider it be factual that a woman was created in very likeness of Natures splendors...do you see?
HOW SHE TEMPTS ME
WITH IMPISH THOUGHTS OF PASSION
AND AN ACHE OF EROTIC DESIRE
The pleasurable dimensions of proud flesh and the sexual appetite of the pleasurable effects of pleasurable coitus sex and innocence.
I do not hate though what I do dislike is impoliteness, insulting and harshness towards others, the lack of knowledge of good manners, hostile attitudes or behaviors against ones race, creed and/or gender.
We do not chose to be born, we do not chose our parents, or our historical epoch or country of birth or immediate circumstances of our upbringing, yet we chose to hate.
My Interests:
PHOTOGRAPHY
(foremost then anything, as the photographic referent is not the same as the referent of other systems of representation. The ‘photographic referent’ is the optionally real thing to which an image or sign refers but the necessarily real thing which has been placed before the lens, without which there would be no photograph. Painting can feign reality without having seen it. Discourse combines signs which have referents, of course, but these referents can be and most often are ‘chimeras.’ Contrary to imitations, in Photography I can never deny that the thing has been there; photography is truth.)
WRITING
(I love to write and I find it an escape wither it be within my journal where I vent frustration, curiosity and wonder or in poem or the escaping wish when writing erotica)
“He who writes in blood and aphorisms does not want to be read, he wants to be learned by heart.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche
"Blood sets a rose apart from life as a thorn sets life apart from death"
A sample of my writing.
"My lust for her so savage that my manhood comes to be erect as it presses her leaving her to feel sheer and beautiful pain..."
"She’s like that of an animal in my clutches, though is I who is her slave for me to mar over her and as though it tis I meant to pleasure her in every way she commands, to serve her every need, her desires upon demand..."
***for more you must be 18 years of age or older :P***
LITERATURE
EPISTEMOLOGY
ANTHOLOGY
ARCHEOLOGY
PHILOSOPHY
MYTHOLOGY
SOCIOLOGY
ART HISTORY
COLLECTING
(I bring together a collection of many things; I am in fascination with Venetian Masquerade Carnival Masks. The mask is more than a disguise; it is an incognito, the secret of the nameless, of the consented, and the unpunished. It is permitted insanity, tolerated fragments of scattered minds. The mask dulls and opiates the embarrassment, it veils the shame...it disguises the red-faced cheeks...encourages one to speak and to risk, something I cannot do. Better than the safest hiding place; the mask protects the thousands of adventures of the mind and the tongue that were scattered in defiance of living. A general ignoring all barriers and social etiquette; a carnival of...You never know who the person is and nobody knows who they are themselves. I have as well placed together a collection of dip/quill pens and ink wells as I have a love for the history of writing and never desire to fail to remember the beauty of it’s fashion and it’s worth of the past).
A Sample of Venetian Masquerade Masks from my Collection.
Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.
-James Arthur Baldwin
(American essayist, novelist, and playwright, 1924-1987)
FRIENDSHIP
(The diversity of culture, for why limit one self to only those whom are near, why not take pleasure and enjoy those from afar?)
"Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell thee what thou art."
- Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616) Spanish novelist.
Love that at first bite
The inexpressible comfort of feeling assured with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
"Da cui il mondo a crocifitto a me, ed io al mondo"
A LITTLE MORE:
What is your name?: Rod
How old are you?: Age is no longer of importance.
When is your Birthday?: In the fall, November 11th the day of remembrance circa 1970.
What is your zodiac sign?: Scorpio
Where were you born?: An infertile distressing lil’ place in Canada.
Where do you live now?: Same infertile place.
What color are your eyes?: Sea Green
What color is your hair?: Blond
How tall are you?: 5'10.5
How much do you weigh? : Before or after my filling…183lbs.
What is your worst fear?: A forlorn lonely existence and dieing alone.
Do you smoke?: No I do not.
Do you drink?: Yes
Do you cuss?: At times, though not in attendance of a lady unless…
Do you use drugs? : No more than vitamins.
Have you or will you ever steal?: A ladies heart I hope one day.
Are you dependable and/or trustworthy?: Incredibly on both accounts.
Do you play in a band or play an instrument?: No however have always wished to play Violin and piano.
Do you have any tattoos and/or piercing?: Yes 5 piercing, thoughts of two or three more with plans in near future for a couple of tattoos.
Do you suffer from depression disorder?: No I do not, I don’t think.
If you had a choice about how you wanted to die what would it be?: Doing something thoughtful and humane in order to have some other live.
Have you ever tried to commit suicide?: No, as merciless as life may be I would rather endure affliction.
Have you ever purposely caused harm to yourself or someone else? : Does nibbling, biting and spanking count?
What subculture do you belong too?: I fall in no class, I am my own.
Are you evil?: Almost more or less.
Do you believe that you can be possessed?: No, though I accept as true that one may fall victim to their own impairing thoughts.
Are you a paranoid?: No not really
Do you ever get jealous of somebody else?: At times, but not often.
Are you obsessive and/or compulsive?: I suppose that all depends on the situation.
Are you a violent person?: No far from, I believe I am well-possessed of myself.
Do you take your anger out on others?: No.
Do you blame others for your mistakes?: No.
What is your favorite game?: I suppose games of trivia.
What is your favorite movie?: I truly have no favorite of anything, all film, theater, music and novel bear something different and please me differently to make a choice one over the other would be too difficult.
Who is your favorite band?: Refer to the above.
What is your favorite song?: That changes at regular intervals depending on mood.
What kind of books do you read?: Historic, poetry, erotica.
What is your favorite color?: I enjoy shades of color, those mostly of hues of green and blue.
What is your favorite food?: Italian, Mediterranean and Japanese.
What is your favorite drink?: Merlot or Chardonnay, depending on the course of the meal.
Do you study martial arts?:No.
Do you own a pair of converse?: Yes, a black pair.
Do you own a pair of dickies?:No am more prissy then that.
Would you ever kill yourself or someone else?: If I felt threatened
Are you a virgin?: Secret.
Are you kinky?: Ask for myself to share with you some of my writing and I will allow you to determine such.
Do you like biting?: Yes, however nibbling more often than not comes first.
Do you watch pornography?: No, honestly does nothing for me, though have thought to with a female.
Have you ever dyed your hair an unusual color?: No.
Are you hyper active person?: Depends on the company I suppose.
Do you like to write poetry?: Yes I do, I actually write often.
Do you like to do your own photography?: Yes, my passion is photography and I do a lil’ freelance, however dislike being in a photo.
Do you like modeling and/or acting?: No, not whatsoever.
Do you have any self inflicted scars?: One or two, though have faded over the years.
Are you religious?: I believe.
Do you stand for originality and creativity?: I exemplify creativity and represent originality.
Do you believe in vampires?: I do.
Does pain turn you on?: No comment.
Do you believe in witchcraft?: Yes I do.
Have you ever played a Ouija board or used tarot cards?: Yes I have.
Do you go to many concerts?: Yes, whenever a worthy concert passes through and I travel when I can when one does not.
Do you like meeting new people and hanging out?: Yes, I am certainly shy at first but I do enjoy encountering new people.
What do you like most about life?: The unknown.
What do you dislike most about life?: The impoliteness towards others.
Do you believe in love at first fright?: I'm all about romanticism, it’s sad really.
FACTS ABOUT ME:
Fact: I write by candlelight and with a dip pen and seal my letters with wax, and type upon a 1920’s Underwood typewriter. (Laughs at self for almost typing Underworld)
Fact: I shave with a straight razor and have brought together a collection of razors and shaving brushes.
Fact: I take pleasure in reading literature and find worth in the restoration of antique books, oldest to date, an 1891 French Reference English & French Dictionary. Something about the scent of ripened ink calms me.
Fact: I even now in spite of technology still listen to vinyl and 8 tracks
Fact: I love Ice Cream, Popsicle, Cookies and Candy…Mr. Dress up had his “Tickle Trunk” I have mine, it’s just mine is of Candy instead; and yes I found significance in needing to Capitalize them.
Fact: I have anomalous fetishes and an engrossment to lil’ things, to name one…I heart a lady who wears those sweat pants and sweat shorts with writing on the tush, specially when the waist band is rolled over a lil’.
Fact: I write poetry and erotica, and at times I believe I make Marquis de Sade look like a choirboy.
Fact: When I am nervous or in deep thought I tap my finger upon my bottom lip and/or rock my knee back and forth.
Fact: I am actually afraid of women.
Fact: I collect fortune cookies and send them to a friend not ever knowing what my fortune is, in hopes to pass good fortune onto them.
"Anne Rice only got it half right"
Some of Mother Natures most beautiful portraits
Dracula Syndactyla Orchid
Dracula Vampira Orchid
BOOKS OF INTEREST:
JUSTINE (and other works of) by Marquis de Sade
INFERNO by Dante Aligheri
JACOPONE Da TODI by Dante Aligheri
IL FASO e VERO VERDE by Savatore Quasimodo
WAKE NOT THE DEAD by Johann Ludwig Tieck
THE VAMPYRE by John Polidori
De MASTIC MORTUORUM by Phillip Rohr
IL DIAVOLO SUTHE by Ceasar Pavese
Il BELL ANTONIO by Vitaliano Brancati
THE STRANGE CASE OF CHARLES DEXTER WARD by H. P. Lovecraft
SANCTUAIRE by William Faulkner
TRAMNOVELLE by Arthur Schnitzler
Les FLEURS du MAL (The Flowers of Evil) by Charles Baudelaire
WHERE ANGLES FEAR TO TREAD by Edward Morgan Forster
GHOST STORY by Peter Straub
THE EXORCIST by William Peter Blatty
THE LEGEND OF SLEEPY HALLOW by Washington Irving
MEMORABLE QUOTES:
"Ah, come now. I look like an angel, but I'm not. The old rules of nature encompass many creatures like me. We're beautiful like the diamond-backed snake, or the striped tiger, yet we're merciless killers."
- Lestat
Tale of the Body Thief
Anne Rice
"I'm trimmed in memories as if in old furs. I lift my arm and the sleeve of memory covers it. I look around and see other times. But you know what frightens me the most -- it is that this state, like so many others with me, will prove the verge of nothing but extend itself over centuries."
- Armand
The Vampire Armand
Anne Rice
"We are thrown back on our words like mortals, only our senses are infinitely keener, and the detachment we know at some times will inflame us, carry us on waves of burning sea."
- Pandora
Pandora
Anne Rice
"I told you. It's just a dream. But if you want a name, let me call it the gateway of life and death. I'll bring you with me through this gateway. And why? Because I am a coward. And I love you too much to let you go."
- Daniel and Armand
Queen of the Damned
Anne Rice
"I tell you, we would be hard put to determine what is more evil -- religion or the pure idea. The intervention of the supernatural or the elegant abstract solution! Both have bathed this earth in suffering; both have brought the human race literally and figuratively to its knees."
- Maharet
Queen of the Damned
Anne Rice
"I imagine drinking wine until I'm so drunk I strip off my clothes and bathe in the mountain streams naked... And then I imagine going into the village... and up into the inn and taking into my bed any men that come there -- crude men, big men, old men, boys. Just lying there and taking them one after the other, and feeling some magnificent triumph in it, some absolute release without a thought of what happens to your father and brothers, whether they are alive or dead. In that moment I am purely myself. I belong to no one."
- Gabrielle
The Vampire Lestat
Anne Rice
MEMORABLE IMMORTAL BIRTH:
Name: Marius
Date of Birth: Roman Empire after 49 B.C.E.
Place of Birth: The Roman Gallic City of Massilia
Date Brought into Darkness: Roman Empire after 49 B.C.E. at the age of 40, on the night of the great Feast of Samhain
Place Brought into Darkness: In the woods outside of his home city
Maker: God of the Grove
Name: Armand
Date of Birth: Unknown, circa 1400s
Place of Birth: Kiev, Russia
Date Brought into Darkness: circa 1400s at the age of 17
Place Brought into Darkness: Venice, Italy
Maker: Marius
Name: Lestat de Lioncourt
Date of Birth: 1760
Date Brought into Darkness: Winter 1780 at the age of 20
Place Brought into Darkness: Paris, France
Maker: the rogue vampire Magnus
Name: Louis de Pointe du Lac
Date of Birth: 1766
Place of Birth: New Orleans, Louisiana
Date Brought into Darkness: 1791 at the age of 25
Place Brought into Darkness: New Orleans, Louisiana
Maker: Lestat de Lioncourt
"From my youth upwards
My spirit walk’d not with the souls of men,
Nor look’d upon the earth with human eyes;
The thirst of their ambition was not mine,
The aim of their existence was not mine;
My joys, my grief’s, my passions, and my powers
Made me a stranger; though I wore the form,
I had no sympathy with breathing flesh…”
-Lord George G. Byron
(Manfred II, ii, 50-58)
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.
-David Weatherford
