xMissingHeartedx's Profile at Vampire Rave.

Does anyone actually read text on a profile? It does not seem as if they do, so I wonder why I bother. Later in this section, I clearly and unequivocally state that I despise receiving non-substantive messages from people I do not know such as "hi" or "how are you?" I also state that if you are one of those VR males who enjoys messaging every female profile on the site with the same canned message, I will block you. I have several profiles on this site, so when I receive cut and pasted messages on several profiles, I become irritated and annoyed. Irritated and annoyed xMissingHeartedx=your ass blocked. I am not here looking for a date or to meet people who do not take the time to put together two thoughtful sentences when messaging me. It is that simple, but I digress.

I generally do not post many details about my personal life on my profiles. Over time, I have shortened this section and will continue to edit it. As with most people, I have both hard and soft personality traits. I am often kind and express a caring attitude toward others. I am compassionate, considerate, and enjoy extending assistance to someone in need. Still, I am a dominant (not domineering) person. I do not put up with excuses and cannot stand insensitivity, idiocy, or ignorance. I loathe drama, although occasionally, I am grudgingly swept into it based on a need to defend myself or others. I am fiercely protective of those I love, including myself. I know how to listen and am confident and fully self-sufficient.

Additionally, I am a private person and carefully choose with whom I share my life. I am an introspective introvert and I ordinarily find it hard to confide in others I meet online. While VR is near and dear to my heart, I have found it particularly difficult to trust most who frequent this website. Most people who know me apart from VR think I must be kidding when I tell them I am an introvert. If you asked someone to describe me who knows me reasonably well offline, they'd presumably characterize me as outgoing, extroverted, and social.

I am an attorney by profession and have practiced for more than 21 years. For 21 years, I was a litigator. Two and a half years ago, I closed my private practice and accepted a non-litigation position at one of the nation's largest law firms. I work in risk management which means I advise attorneys regarding potential conflict issues with clients and with business relationships. I am responsible for assisting with the review, identification, and resolution of potential conflicts issues with respect to lateral candidates and firm growth opportunities. I also ensure compliance with ethical professional rules of responsibility and risk. I work with my firm's conflicts department, recruiting department, and partners. Since this is a new position in my firm, I have been responsible for establishing and training others on the process I use to effectively screen new lateral associate and partner hires. If this sounds complex, that is because it is.

I have been on VR for about 10 years now. I do not remember the exact details of how I came to find VR; I just know that I did and was immediately drawn to the site. Despite taking many breaks from logging in, I have always returned to the site. It is a place where I feel free to express myself in whatever way I choose. Although VR has changed drastically, I still love it here and enjoy freely expressing my personality's darker sides.

During my time on VR, I have had two Covens. The first, I established immediately following leveling my main profile, Theodora, to Sire. VR was much more active at that time. Path of Ecstacy was a great deal of fun, with playful banter, sarcastic sexual quips, and fun threads where all type of information was exchanged. I have had a Mentorship since I reached level 80, which was also very active for quite some time. When first established the Mentorship was called Succubus Seductions. When I returned to VR a few years ago, I rebranded the Mentorship, Violet Dreamscapes. I overhauled the member pages and the forums. Sadly, Covens and Mentorships on this site are not active as they once were.

Because my life off VR is of a serious nature, you will find me to be quite silly, often joking. I am also quite perverse and have never met a dirty joke I did not like. Although I am difficult to offend, I have a few ground rules. I expect to be treated with respect. If you respect me, I will respect you. The converse is also true. If you disrespect me, expect to be disrespected in return. I do not put up with people's bullshit, delusions, name-calling, whining, or drama. I loathe misogynistic misanthropes; I do not think journals of women's bouncing breasts are amusing or appropriate. While they might well be within the TOS on this site, they are tasteless and vulgar. I am not a vampire or were-creature and cannot turn you, so please do not ask me to do so. I am also not here to edit or evaluate your profile, so please do not ask me to do this either. I come here in my free time for enjoyment and to talk to a few close friends that remain on the site. Do not flirt with me, period. I am in a long-term relationship.

Also, do not message me and simply say "hi." I despise non-substantive messages. If you are one of those VR males who likes to message every female on the site, I will block you. If you call me, my friends, pets, or family names, I will block you. Cancer created the block button for a reason and I do not hesitate to utilize it when needed.

In my minimal spare time, I enjoy creating. I love to develop new and different coding and delight in creating exceptional, one-of-a-kind graphics. Coding and creating graphics are one of the ways I express my more creative side. I am classically trained on the violin although I do not play much anymore. I use a violin hand-crafted by my grandfather prior to his passing. It contains a scroll from a famous violinist's violin; my grandfather acquired it many years ago in New York at an auction.

If you add me, rate me, or add my journal, please let me know so that I can do the same. Thanks for visiting my profile, and if you have read this far, compliments to you!

Rating... I probably have far too much to say about rating; suffice it to say that I tend to give what I get. In the past, I have rated compassionately, generally giving a 10 to those who attempted to decorate their profile. You see, I realize that not everyone is a coder by profession or has the equipment and software to code a profile elaborately. I was always conscious of that when I rated. However, recently, I have rethought my rating policy due to some unnamed individuals rating low. Now I give what I get. Why should I be bothered to help you if you won't help me?

The VR Manual states: “A valid rating is between 1 and 10 with 1 being the lowest score and 10 being the highest. How you choose to rate a profile is totally up to you. Different members will have different criteria for profile rating. When you rate a profile, it will have more weight the higher your status level.”

My typical rating is not random. I do have certain criteria that I utilize when deciding how to score a profile. If you use a tiny font that I have to find a microscope to read, I am not rating your profile high. Likewise, if you utilize a color scheme that makes it difficult, if not impossible, to read your profile, you will receive a low rating. Profiles with poor grammar and/or poor spelling will garner a low rating. If you do not possess a basic knowledge of grammar and spelling, there are free sites such as Grammarly that you can utilize. There is no excuse for poor grammar or misspelled words on a profile, in my opinion. If you make changes or edits to your profile, you are always welcome to ask me for a re-rate which I may or may not do.

If you need assistance with graphics or coding, you are always welcome to reach out. Because I love to code and make graphics, I am usually happy to share my knowledge. I also do not use expensive software to create my graphics. Everything I have learned regarding coding and creating graphics is self-taught, with occasional help from a few dear friends.

Although I detest focusing on negative matters, I need to address those on the site who are spiteful and purposefully rate profiles low. From dealing with children for years, I have found it best to ignore their tantrums and histrionics. You are entitled to your opinion as I am entitled to mine. However, I recommend seeking counseling from a licensed psychotherapist; therapy is even available online now.

Founded in May of 2019, I am the proud coven mistress of Letchworth (Coven). Letchworth was designed to be a permanent home for those members of VR that are in need of institutionalization. We take all troublemakers, crazies, and those that Coven Masters do not want to deal with. We also induct members just like any other Coven on VR. Those who have been inducted will be treated as regular, non-prisoner members of the Coven unless and until they show that they should be treated otherwise.

If you are interested in membership, please feel free to message me or one of my adept Assistant Coven Masters or Assistant Coven Mistresses.

Also founded in 2019, the Murder of Crows Alliance is a joint venture between Letchworth (Coven) and The Coven of Atrum Templum, capably led by my dear friend LadyDarkRayne. In 2022, Murder of Crows opened its doors for Grimoire of Forbidden Sins (Coven) and Shadowed Angels (Coven), both led by another dear friend, Cat, to join us.

If you are a Coven Mistress/Master and are interested in joining the Murder of Crows Alliance, please message Sire MalumInSe MalumInSe or Sire LadyDarkRanye.

Mentorship coming soon!

TRUE! --nervous --very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses --not destroyed --not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. How, then, am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily --how calmly I can tell you the whole story.

It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. Object there was none. Passion there was none. I loved the old man. He had never wronged me. He had never given me insult. For his gold, I had no desire. I think it was his eye! yes, it was this! He had the eye of a vulture --a pale blue eye, with a film over it. Whenever it fell upon me, my blood ran cold; and so by degrees --very gradually --I made up my mind to take the life of the old man, and thus rid myself of the eye forever.

Now this is the point. You fancy me mad. Madmen know nothing. But you should have seen me. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded --with what caution --with what foresight --with what dissimulation I went to work! I was never kinder to the old man than during the whole week before I killed him. And every night, about midnight, I turned the latch of his door and opened it --oh so gently! And then, when I had made an opening sufficient for my head, I put in a dark lantern, all closed, closed, that no light shone out, and then I thrust in my head. Oh, you would have laughed to see how cunningly I thrust it in! I moved it slowly --very, very slowly, so that I might not disturb the old man's sleep. It took me an hour to place my whole head within the opening so far that I could see him as he lay upon his bed. Ha! would a madman have been so wise as this, And then, when my head was well in the room, I undid the lantern cautiously-oh, so cautiously --cautiously (for the hinges creaked) --I undid it just so much that a single thin ray fell upon the vulture eye. And this I did for seven long nights --every night just at midnight --but I found the eye always closed; and so it was impossible to do the work; for it was not the old man who vexed me, but his Evil Eye. And every morning, when the day broke, I went boldly into the chamber, and spoke courageously to him, calling him by name in a hearty tone, and inquiring how he has passed the night. So you see he would have been a very profound old man, indeed, to suspect that every night, just at twelve, I looked in upon him while he slept.

Upon the eighth night I was more than usually cautious in opening the door. A watch's minute hand moves more quickly than did mine. Never before that night had I felt the extent of my own powers --of my sagacity. I could scarcely contain my feelings of triumph. To think that there I was, opening the door, little by little, and he not even to dream of my secret deeds or thoughts. I fairly chuckled at the idea; and perhaps he heard me; for he moved on the bed suddenly, as if startled. Now you may think that I drew back --but no. His room was as black as pitch with the thick darkness, (for the shutters were close fastened, through fear of robbers,) and so I knew that he could not see the opening of the door, and I kept pushing it on steadily, steadily.

I had my head in, and was about to open the lantern, when my thumb slipped upon the tin fastening, and the old man sprang up in bed, crying out --"Who's there?"

I kept quite still and said nothing. For a whole hour I did not move a muscle, and in the meantime I did not hear him lie down. He was still sitting up in the bed listening; --just as I have done, night after night, hearkening to the death watches in the wall.

Presently I heard a slight groan, and I knew it was the groan of mortal terror. It was not a groan of pain or of grief --oh, no! --it was the low stifled sound that arises from the bottom of the soul when overcharged with awe. I knew the sound well. Many a night, just at midnight, when all the world slept, it has welled up from my own bosom, deepening, with its dreadful echo, the terrors that distracted me. I say I knew it well. I knew what the old man felt, and pitied him, although I chuckled at heart. I knew that he had been lying awake ever since the first slight noise, when he had turned in the bed. His fears had been ever since growing upon him. He had been trying to fancy them causeless, but could not. He had been saying to himself --"It is nothing but the wind in the chimney --it is only a mouse crossing the floor," or "It is merely a cricket which has made a single chirp." Yes, he had been trying to comfort himself with these suppositions: but he had found all in vain. All in vain; because Death, in approaching him had stalked with his black shadow before him, and enveloped the victim. And it was the mournful influence of the unperceived shadow that caused him to feel --although he neither saw nor heard --to feel the presence of my head within the room.

When I had waited a long time, very patiently, without hearing him lie down, I resolved to open a little --a very, very little crevice in the lantern. So I opened it --you cannot imagine how stealthily, stealthily --until, at length a simple dim ray, like the thread of the spider, shot from out the crevice and fell full upon the vulture eye.

It was open --wide, wide open --and I grew furious as I gazed upon it. I saw it with perfect distinctness --all a dull blue, with a hideous veil over it that chilled the very marrow in my bones; but I could see nothing else of the old man's face or person: for I had directed the ray as if by instinct, precisely upon the damned spot.

And have I not told you that what you mistake for madness is but over-acuteness of the sense? --now, I say, there came to my ears a low, dull, quick sound, such as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I knew that sound well, too. It was the beating of the old man's heart. It increased my fury, as the beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage.

But even yet I refrained and kept still. I scarcely breathed. I held the lantern motionless. I tried how steadily I could maintain the ray upon the eve. Meantime the hellish tattoo of the heart increased. It grew quicker and quicker, and louder and louder every instant. The old man's terror must have been extreme! It grew louder, I say, louder every moment! --do you mark me well I have told you that I am nervous: so I am. And now at the dead hour of the night, amid the dreadful silence of that old house, so strange a noise as this excited me to uncontrollable terror. Yet, for some minutes longer I refrained and stood still. But the beating grew louder, louder! I thought the heart must burst. And now a new anxiety seized me --the sound would be heard by a neighbour! The old man's hour had come! With a loud yell, I threw open the lantern and leaped into the room. He shrieked once --once only. In an instant I dragged him to the floor, and pulled the heavy bed over him. I then smiled gaily, to find the deed so far done. But, for many minutes, the heart beat on with a muffled sound. This, however, did not vex me; it would not be heard through the wall. At length it ceased. The old man was dead. I removed the bed and examined the corpse. Yes, he was stone, stone dead. I placed my hand upon the heart and held it there many minutes. There was no pulsation. He was stone dead. His eye would trouble me no more.

If still you think me mad, you will think so no longer when I describe the wise precautions I took for the concealment of the body. The night waned, and I worked hastily, but in silence. First of all I dismembered the corpse. I cut off the head and the arms and the legs.

I then took up three planks from the flooring of the chamber, and deposited all between the scantlings. I then replaced the boards so cleverly, so cunningly, that no human eye --not even his --could have detected any thing wrong. There was nothing to wash out --no stain of any kind --no blood-spot whatever. I had been too wary for that. A tub had caught all --ha! ha!

When I had made an end of these labors, it was four o'clock --still dark as midnight. As the bell sounded the hour, there came a knocking at the street door. I went down to open it with a light heart, --for what had I now to fear? There entered three men, who introduced themselves, with perfect suavity, as officers of the police. A shriek had been heard by a neighbour during the night; suspicion of foul play had been aroused; information had been lodged at the police office, and they (the officers) had been deputed to search the premises.

I smiled, --for what had I to fear? I bade the gentlemen welcome. The shriek, I said, was my own in a dream. The old man, I mentioned, was absent in the country. I took my visitors all over the house. I bade them search --search well. I led them, at length, to his chamber. I showed them his treasures, secure, undisturbed. In the enthusiasm of my confidence, I brought chairs into the room, and desired them here to rest from their fatigues, while I myself, in the wild audacity of my perfect triumph, placed my own seat upon the very spot beneath which reposed the corpse of the victim.

The officers were satisfied. My manner had convinced them. I was singularly at ease. They sat, and while I answered cheerily, they chatted of familiar things. But, ere long, I felt myself getting pale and wished them gone. My head ached, and I fancied a ringing in my ears: but still they sat and still chatted. The ringing became more distinct: --It continued and became more distinct: I talked more freely to get rid of the feeling: but it continued and gained definiteness --until, at length, I found that the noise was not within my ears.

No doubt I now grew very pale; --but I talked more fluently, and with a heightened voice. Yet the sound increased --and what could I do? It was a low, dull, quick sound --much such a sound as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I gasped for breath --and yet the officers heard it not. I talked more quickly --more vehemently; but the noise steadily increased. I arose and argued about trifles, in a high key and with violent gesticulations; but the noise steadily increased. Why would they not be gone? I paced the floor to and fro with heavy strides, as if excited to fury by the observations of the men --but the noise steadily increased. Oh God! what could I do? I foamed --I raved --I swore! I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards, but the noise arose over all and continually increased. It grew louder --louder --louder! And still the men chatted pleasantly, and smiled. Was it possible they heard not? Almighty God! --no, no! They heard! --they suspected! --they knew! --they were making a mockery of my horror!-this I thought, and this I think. But anything was better than this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! I could bear those hypocritical smiles no longer! I felt that I must scream or die! and now --again! --hark! louder! louder! louder! louder!

"Villains!" I shrieked, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! --tear up the planks! here, here! --It is the beating of his hideous heart!"

~E.A. Poe

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