shysurfergirl's Profile at Vampire Rave.

An awakening ~ the good, the bad, and the ugly....

the good ~ I know who I am now, that is undeniable.
the bad ~ Well, I KNOW what I am, and that is constant.
the ugly ~ You don't want to know, NOT gona take any crap!

My awakening, this is a new place for me to be. This is a
paradiem shift, for me. Something, that I am not certain, that I would encourage, or recommend, to anyone. At least, not at this time. You see, I am "not" what you would consider "typical", to this whole scene. I don't have a cape and I don't wear fangs, and I never longed to be this. I just never understood a few very bizzare things about my life...

My whole life, since a child, I was taught to supress my natureal instincts and abilities. My persistant innate instincts prove quick, clever and strong. My hostile tendencies respond immediately with overwhelming passion. My soul feels ancient, old, & to this world of mortals, I do NOT belong!

I want to spend all of my time alone, right now, to sort this all out. I choose to remain in reclusive solitude, learning my inate abilities. When I am alone, I feel stronger. But this also makes me VERY sad, to think that some kin, do not know, NOR will they ever know. To be alseep is horrible!

They will go on living supressed, dormant, and never find out, who they are. That sucks! This persistant pain of awakening hurts, but not knowing must hurt more. As ugly as this may be, at last I know who I am. "Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free, but first it IS going to piss you off" !!!

This overwhelming intensity, these deep emotions, fervent powerful empathy, its very hard to blend into society, now. I will never go to a coffee shop, and be able to order what I "really" want. And trust me, you "don't" want to know!

These inborn dormant qualities, this incomprehensible irresistable attraction to certain obscurities. I am really a kind soul, I do not bother anyone, unless I am provoked. I have learned how important self control is. I have noticed that my tolerance for bullshit now is zero! I have made some very intense life decesions, right now. Again some good, bad, and there is the ugly.

I'm NOT gonna take any shit! The man who said he loved me more, then I love him, and I love him forever ~ well, it was starting to hurt. There was a shift, I'm not exactly sure what was really going on, BUT I "SENSED" something. So the next morning, I blocked him from contacting me. I am NOT going to let someone hurt me. His hurt will be NOT having me!

When most cower with fear, and submit, and they take it, something in me growls. Then instinctively my assertive aggressive traits, turn predatory in nature. To have a strong will power is essential. I just become something very fierce.

With this increasingly sensativity, comes a much greater compassion. I will not harm anyone, UNLESS they start to mess with me. It is easy for the weaker ones to be mean, cynical, and to bully others. But it takes more energy to restrain our aggressive nature, and to be more civil and kind.

I believe living in a higher moral code of ethics, and that takes restraint and exibits greater strength. I value self control, discression and chivalry. Actions impress me, words can deceive us all. Well done is MUCH better then well said!

It is unimpressive to me, when a soul cannot control their passions, pressure or pleasure. I believe we need permission, and we should not cause chaos, anarchy, and prey off of the weaker less aware. We have an unfair advantage over most. We need to live up to a higher place.

I have a long road ahead and I lot to learn. This seems wise a path traveled on simply in much solitude. Until I am more aware of my capeabilities, my limitations and my evergy. My instincts lead me on a path of travel, since my soul is so old, and for so very long, I have lived in denial, taught to supress, and be dormant. It is time to wake the fuck up!!!

Well, I am awake now! So its time to go, go, go and live, live, live! Let us make the most out of this day! Let us stand together as a family, that will be our strength. I do not imagine this a wise journey alone, it can be quite scarey.

Kindness to all who read this, and thank, you for new acquaintences and friendships to be made.
In deepest regards shy~

My Coven

My Alliance

Member Since:	Mar 14, 2011
Last Login:	Mar 12, 2018
Times Viewed:	3,574

Times Rated:	330
Rating:	9.639

Advertising Information
Members Online:	1,172
Total Members:	35,104
World Visitor Map

LOW					HIGH

1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10

The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory