~Self Thru Knowledge,Knowledge Thru Understanding~
Tonight there is no needs for words, it is the endless night of nights. It is the eternal night that shall not end and tonight is the night to change it all:
"Consanguinitas atque aequus rosetum vinum.Cave Adsum, ille illiact dice. Justus et puis"
The blood and ashes of your kin are like roses and wine.Beware I am here and the dice have been caste.The ever just and fiathful.
It is the remembrance of the best things about the ones you have loved and lost and remembering why you loved them and dwelling in the good times, The roses are sweet times that give you strength and the wine is like the nectar of life, it becomes your life blood that life they lived and those fond memories, but you shall never forget how they fell or what happened to them or the masterpiece they have written in their book of life. you make them immortal in your remembrance and in writing my own fate I am chaotic and that will effect everyone who comes in contact with me. I am the justicar, my tarot is justice and judgment.It is the fact that I live to serve and protect and care for my own and they have become my lifeblood itself and to this I am just and faithful to it.
"Look beneath the surface if it is me you wish to find, I am something you have seen once half remembered from a childhood dream. I see the invisible river of tears that run down your face as razors down marble.Sit with me in the darkness while I wipe away your tears. Let my cold embrace wash away the pains of mortality for who knows these feelings more then I. I who art of their creator. I cry for those who cannot, I carry their burdens when they are weak. No they are not strangers unto me, for they are all my kin. Victims of mortality."
"We had known what it was to have everything we wanted, Real love, Real security and to lose it all. Sometimes it is not the light in the person you fall in love with, but the dark. Sometimes it is not the optimist you need,but another pessimist to walk beside you and know, absolutely know, that the sound in the dark is a monster,and it really is as bad as you think. Did that sound hopeless. It didn't feel hopeless. It felt reassuring. It felt....real"
"A pessimist is what an optimist calls a realist."
My facebook can be found at
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=776670410
If it is sought I am found at www.myspace.com/delemonico.
I may be called many names including Little night crow (Usti svnoyi goga) by some, the DeLeMonico by others, Lady Ebon Nyctenflam or Rayvn. I am a Feral untamed wild talent, plain and simply stated.
I am a natural born libra with a taste for lovely things all around. Though I do prefer to be surrounded by those who are intellectual, highly intelligent or have innate natural abilities that sets them apart from the rest. Every word is a spell woven and every action is a ritual done.The most complex people are often the most simplistic creatures, unlike anyone others will come to meet. I am a shadow walker who is a child of all walks and a student of life. They tend to be mysterious hard to read and almost impossible to get a solid definition of. If it is wished that one such as thee seeks one as me out, be high of intelligence, highly intellectual and extremely open minded. I am indeed a natural switch with the right person under certain circumstances.I do not trust easily and with that requires time, persistence and patients. I am a student of life and a child of knowledge. I have spent many years delving into metaphysics, occult, theory, philosophy, the sciences of mankind, the beliefs practices and cultures of different societies. As well as religion, principles and the illusions of reality.
My world is not simple, it is not tender or constant or caring. It is not patient or compassionate or soft. My world is not simple, it is not a gentle one. Look and you will see it is not kind nor is it forgiving,but I even in my infinite patients and unconditional love cannot help but question my compassion for such a feat as this.For the qualities it lacks I have obtained in its amusement.
I write for the passion of it, nothing more nothing less. That passion for my poetry and research is also in my artwork and drawings. In thus it will shine through with the words themselves and the depiction of each individual piece as a masterpiece and in such I will accept no less from myself in my constant ever evolutionary state of being. I am a child of knowledge and a student of life. My dedication is understanding what lies in the blood of reality beneath the skin and to holding no illusions presented thereof. My path is taking information transmuting it into knowledge and through my sharing of it creating wisdom and living through the experience of it.This is a piece of what I am, mayhaps not who, but what. the who shall come later in the complexity of all things. If you make it to the end of my profile, in a way only then will you just begin to scratch the surface of who I am, for such comes later.
Welcome indeed to my world and mayhaps if you are masochistic or sadist enough you will learn to enjoy and or love it as I do.
"Oh and if they want my damn blood they can wait till I'm done using it, until then it's mine. How could I leave the two stooges there to die, especially since I'm the goddamn third one"
 
15. Þá brá ljóma af Logafjöllum,
en af þeim ljómum leiftrir kómu,
hávar und hjalmum á Himinvanga,
brynjur váru þeira blóði stokknar,
en af geirum geislar stóðu.
Feel free to browse my journal, since I Do not post articles
until I can find a way to limit the amount of information I am putting in such research papers, I shall keep information and any requested knowledge in there. Come seeking and you shall find the answers.
I have many interests that occupy my mind and time and enjoy involving others in my activities. I am currently working on my secound book called The Key to Immortality, my first being Forsaken Eternity. I enjoy music drawing, writing poetry, clubbing, raves, enjoying the company of those who have similar tastes and beliefs. I like travel, adventure, sparing with friends, swimming, mideavil reenactments, spending time with my pack and rough housing.I enjoy writing and drawing. Most of my research has had offers to be published in scientific journals and some of them I have indeed excepted. I love to sing ,to dance, to spar, to draw, to write, and to teach metaphysics, discussion is more then welcome, but be warned I have a tendency of picking a side opposite of the one presented and debating it weather or not it is what I actually believe, for the sake of seeing all sides.
I have been asked a few times what alcohol I do indeed favor, and I have given such much thought these last few days. I like dry white and sweet reds, devil's springs vodkas, german beer, stouts you can chew, meads, lucious cordials,everclear and of course I am quite fond of  and who could forget  and this  
If charm, glamor, charisma and presence was all the world was based on there would be no need for the intellectually elite.
Who I'd like to meet:
Open minded individuals willing to challenge ideals and intellectualism able to hold conversation on many things including but not limited to theory, philosophy, practice, belief, music, the influences of political and social evolutions on the arts, sciences and literature of history up to date. I would be interested in people who have unique ideals and their own belief system. The shadow is not the absence of light but mearly the absorption thereof.All people from all walks of life are welcome, though those of you judgementalist be forewarned one such as I have no place in the holdings for closed doors that will not open.
~AffIliations thru Understanding, Understanding thru Duty~
I was given the honor of bearing this mark from a dear friend of mine. 
Proud member of Maidenfear Vampire Nation  Bloodlines international  
 
~Understanding Thru Meaning,Meaning thru Quotation.~
It isn't the message or the chosen messenger, it's the motive. One must not kill the messenger, but it messenger is not killed if they never reached the gates to begin with.
"Those who accept the ability, become the channel for it and the ability themselves, those who deny the ability become tools of the ability for it's use, those who fall to the will of the ability are consumed by it wholly, those who master the ability direct it with their will alone. Beware the choice beware making it."
I hit him to get his attention. I shot him to calm him down I killed him to reason with him.
~ Henry Rollins~
One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.
- Kurt Vonnegut, "Cold Turkey"
The first key to wisdom is constant and frequent questioning, for by doubting we are led to question and by questioning we arrive at the truth.
~Peter Abelard~
I can't say I believe in god. If, in fact, I ever find out that he does indeed exist, I think I'll stay away from him, because if he's responsible for half the things he gets credit for, he's got to be one mean son of a bitch.
~Peter Gethers~
It is like most other ancient books – a mingling of falsehood and truth, of philosophy and folly – all written by men, and most of the men only partially civilized. Some of its laws are good – some infinitely barbarous. None of the miracles related were performed. . . . Take out the absurdities, the miracles, all that pertains to the supernatural – all the cruel and barbaric laws – and to the remainder I have no objection. Neither would I have for it any great admiration.
~Robert Ingersoll~
The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance...logic can be happily tossed out the window.
- Stephen King
To be nobody but yourself, in a world which is doing it's best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting
~E.E. Cummings~
Time is like a drug. It kills you if you have too much of it.
~Terry Pratchet, "Small Gods"~
Aye, but isn't the man who chooses the bad in some way better than the man who has the good forced upon him?
- Alex (A Clockwork Orange)
I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
~Evelyn Beatrice Hall, "The Friends of Voltaire"~
Never let your sense of morals keep you from doing what is right.
~Isaac Asimov~
If something is boring after two minutes, try it for four. If still boring, then eight. Then sixteen. Then thirty-two. Eventually one discovers that it is not boring at all.
~John Cage~
As far as consistency of thought goes, I prefer inconsistency.
~John Cage~
The greatest spiritual truths, with the greatest ability to transform our lives, are often the ones that look superficially like the twisted and sick rantings of a permanently-adolescent mental inadequate.
~Pastor N. Pizzor~
In my end is my beginning.
~T.S. Eliot~
"Evil can only ever truely destroy evil, Good can destroy evil for a time, but when powerful evil is destroyed, it leaves a void, which, in time, is filled by only a greater evil. however when evil destroys evil, that evil steps into the void, and all that evil controlled is now at the disposal of the new evil. now say, evil is destroyed by evil that is actually good then the good evil steps into the void and seals it. when one who can assume an evil form steps into the void and reverts to its true nature, then all that the old evil had, must now either align to good or be thrown into destructive chaos and be destroyed. In effect the void is filled, and converted to good"
"I've loved to learn and learned to hate, and still I cannot hate to love. For The opposite of love is not hate but indifference and to what end is there indifference?"
Why choose the Lesser EVIL? When I'm torn between two evils I choose the one I've never tried Before.
"So Don't let the word bring you down, not every one here is that fucked up and cold. Remember why you came and while your alive, experience the "warmth" before you grow cold"
You Ever noticed when god wanted to make an example of someone, or when he needed a killing done or when he wished to punish someone he sent an angel. You ever wonder what a creature like that much be like? Your entire existance spent worshiping your god,but always with one wing dipped in blood, Would you ever REALLY want to meet an angel?
~Nature thru Experience, Experience thru living~
"From childhood's hour I have not been As others were;
I have not seen As others saw; I could not bringMy passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken My sorrow;
I could not awakenMy heart to joy at the same tone; And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain, From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm, And the cloud that took the form (When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view. " ~ Poe~
Everyone needs alittle bit of adventure in thier lives and what better then the representation of transmutation? To be a creature of such should there not be also transformation? Such creature in shamanism are known to be the keeps of law and of sacred knowledge to what can I but to owe a sweet homage of such.
~little close to home~
For the bridges we have burned and the lessons we have learned ,for the things we have suffered adn the wounds we have covered, For the angers and the tears we have hid a hundred years I give thee understanding.
For the loss and broken dreams, for the blood and silent screams, For the torture and the pain so well hidden by the rain,for the screaming endless fights and the dark and dreary nights, I give thee friendship i give thee hope , a palce to stay and another way to cope.
For the endless ways of death and the times to hold your breathe, for all the things you dread and all the things they've said,the the hate you've learned to hide and the tears you've never cried, I give thee light I give thee fiath i give thee something to call safe.
For all the times you've been betrayed and the friends who've never stayed, for hollow that you feel beneath your shields of steel, For all the things they've done and the times you've had to run, I give thee peace , i give thee love, i give thee back thy dove,
For all the times you have knelt and the cards you have been delt, for the secrets that you keep and the roots youhave to reap, for the dangers of your past and the nothign that wont last,for the numbness that you know and the distantness you show, Igive thee strength I give thee might so that thee may fight.
For every blow you take and every heartbreak for each love that left and each load you heft, for everything you've had to stake and everything you've had to shake, for when the day is done and nothing has been won ,I give thee everything I have to give, for together in this we live,
For the times we have to stare because of the things we share,for the world with in our reach robs us of our speach, now the day is done, what have we begun.
CLan Eternal
I think of you My dearest friends as daytime comes to an end, the sun has set the moon is rising and this message I do send. Come be with me in our little world full of laughter and tears and we shall talk the night away untill the dawn appears.For we are the clan eternal , both mortal and immortal are we . We are bound forever to each other and our love shall shine for all to see. So hear me my clan eternal and harken to what I say of all the creatures who roam this earth with thee my heart shall stay.
WE all begin with good intent, and love was all we want.We believe that we can change ourselves, that the past can be undone, but we carry on our backs, a burden time always reveals. In the lonely light of morning in the wound that would not heal. It's the bitter taste of losing everything I held so dear.
Valley of morning
Down the ebon marble steps, pools the crimson silk,
Trickling from the mouth of elves, lapping up honey and milk.
The soal that bells what calls confine,
Wondering in the dark what is devine,
try the tempest weather, strong the storm,
The stem is cut the drops so warm,
From the winter ashes rise a rose,
Only from the deepest quarrel of snows,
In places bathed where men can't touch,
Where no warmth, may spring a frozen stitch,
One stilled thread in the tapestry so rich.
In between the threads we walk,
ghosts among the walls with no words we talk,
Never see they'll never know,
Blinded is the fish the tank'll never show,
When all we see is mirrors to be
When the world we touch reflects so much,
Close your eyes the dawn has come, moonlit rising calling some.
Aged from petals turn to dust and the sky returns to rust.
Crimson fire bathe the land, daystar rising on demand,
blood is pooling drownding deep, petals falling the rose to sleep.
~Personification thru heroes ,Heroes the history~
"Noli Turbare Circulos Meos" ~ Archemedes ~ when the soldiers came to arest him "Please touch not my circles"
Amusing enough as life has been there are many people I have looked up to and many people I have come to admire. Heroes are everyday people who manage to face the world everyday as it comes to them and find the strength to never fall no matter how they are persecuted. Among my heroes in the past have been Hitler for his ability to rally an entire nation around him and though his implimentation was flawed by power hungry intentions, his basic beliefs and ideals were of strong representation of a golden age possible. Merlin for his fast loyalty and strength even when the world seemed at it worste and fallen hearts of broken trust. Those who survives the trials of trek, the trails of saberhagen and still stood by thier beliefs no matter how many had been killed during these hunts for those who were supposedly vampiric in nature and those who have adapted the ablity of many forms. Leonardo devinci is the greatest man of all time, up thier with plato, sacrates and Bach. Edgar allen poe.
   
I have many interests that occupy my mind and timeand enjoy involving others in my activities. I am currently working on my secound book called The Key to Immortality, my first being Forsaken Eternity. I enjoy music drawing, writing peotry, clubbing, raves, enjoying the company of those who have similar tastes and beliefs. I like travel, adventure, sparing with friends, swimming, mideavil reanactments, spending time with my pack and rough housing.
~Personality Thru Thought, Though thru Perception~
If indeed you have read this far mayhaps you shall learn the most about one such as I, Mayhaps you shall continue searching for the answers to questions not yet asked. Come seeking and the questions for your answers shall become apparent as the answers you have sought become the questions themselves. Take nothing on faith unless self proven before the holding of thy own mind. Trust not before the understandings have been woven of their limits. Hold fast not to the illusions of reality for such sweet tethers shall leave you wanting.
Statically those with my childhood will have snapped, committed suicide, overdosed, or like such things with an end result by the time they are 25. My mentor at the time meant well when he showed me this statistic sheet. Told me there are hundred of things in a lifetime to die for, but find one things to live for. Things will come and go , they will come and pass but find one thing to live for and always remember it. Only then would I have the chance to overcome even those odds. Even now I see the flames of my passion burn before my eyes and I spent a lifetime holding people at arms length and pushing them all away to protect them from my loss. I want to be remembered when i am gone, not for the monster I will be in the end, but for everythgin I did before I died. I want to be remembered by the sum of what I have accomplished in my lifetime, so i live day by day, night by night. I'll teach as many as I can and help as many as I can, my one thing to fight for in this life is love.
Not the love between two people, but unconditional all encompassing love.That love between two soul mates or between to twins, that love between to great fighters. The one thing I live for is that fight. Not the physical battle because that alone is in itself not enough, that in itself , But the greater struggle that encompasses everything from the good dark to the evil dark to the good light and the evil light, the shadow and the neutral, the balanced and the chaos, the equilibrium of sorts.. Do not get me wrong I am as dangerous as that which came before me and that which will come and indeed I am not a creature of light. The fields will lay crimson in the end just the same, the wheel will keep turning, but the ripples I will have caused will echo for all eternity from the brief 3 seconds of my life as they do far all. The sacrifice in the dark where no brother will remember my name, for the sake of another like myself. To walk each time into the deep personal hells and bring those from bended knee and reteach them how to fly, to mend their wounds and to make their armor impenetrable. To wander the most treacherous paths without a light safely to lead home those whom have strayed too far and thought to be lost. I am that dark shadow fire that burns with out needing that light. Shadow isn't the absence or presence of light but the absorption there of, nor is the the absence or presence of dark..Yet it is indeed both simultaneously.
Have you ever looked at the stars at night, tot he inky blankness, the pure potentiality, the endless everlasting nothing that it is? That is hope. Only in the darkest corners, the roughest and most treacherous times can you actually see it like that dark shadow fire. I stand here and I look out around me in this world of darkness and I remember that it is easier to give in , let that flame die and become an evil, then it is to feed that inner flame, that will. It takes one of great character , strength will what ever you wish to call it, to feed that fire to change it evolve it.As long as there are still those who fight there is hope enough for an entire race, and I am that hope, mayhaps we are that hope. WE are born with the ability to create, recreate, change ,evolve , adapt, overcome anything and everything. Our own perceptions create the experience we consider reality and from it our judgment and self is born. We create ourselves, program ourselves, change ourselves and chose what we become.
We write our own fates on the blank slate that we carve not our destiny for we are the summery of everything we were to become what we are now.WE are made strong by the pains and tortures we have suffered and the things we have weathered. We are tempered by the hells we have endured and the fortified by the wounds we have covered. We walk and chose our own paths and we create them as we go by the duty and the purpose we give ourselves. I have come to learn some of the longest lessons in life the hardest ways and i have come to love it. Mayhaps that makes me wrong, but it doesn't matter it is what is right for me.In the end we will all be crimson lain and another will take our place and what will we have accomplished in a lifetime? What will our existance have meant in the time of 3 seconds? Everything one does, it shall be done to the best of their ability with everything they have and empowered with every passion they have.In the end everything we do is just everything we've done.
We are given the choice to build it up or destroy it as we pass it by to allow another to build from the foundation, for to change the current course take an effort equal to that of the current path. We chose to be creators or destroyers and in the end we all play our part in the grand cascading scheme. WE will either learn to evolve to adapt to overcome or we will fade away and be consumed by those who can. We will create another shell of flesh to take the place of the old one or we will mesh with other energy and become forgotten in the fray. Will we Either gather the strength to forge our own way or we will fall and be swept into the tides and crushed beneath the turrenting waters.Reality is not soft or kind or gentle or hard it just is. It is pure potentiality, the nothing vs the one. the nothing, the endless sea of energy, the pure potentiality. The one is the nothing that has become aware of itself created a space that is not itself , filled that space with itself to study and understand itself.
I spoke once to my students offering but a simple regard in what they may learn in stating I hope you dance like no ones watching, walk softly for the land feels your steps, find your art itself and perfect yourself in it to no end, eat your fill but always keep that hunger for knowledge and above all no matter where you go and what you do, when you stand before the eternal ebon vale of twilight I hope you still feel small. That every life is sacred for it's purpose in and of it's own accord. for each life taken a death is given in honor, for each death given in honor a life is taken in servitude, such is the code of rite. The past is a ghosted mirror in which to view the future. We can choose to build an empire from the tools we hath gathered of it's fragmented shards and create the palace of the eternal now. Or we can choose to cling to those shards and allow them to bleed us dry. For those who dwell in the house of yesterday are doomed for their mistakes and trials to repeat. Those to live in the palace of the eternal now each day build the house of tommarrow in which we shall dwell in the in between of all things to experience.
In such places I have come to know as the self , I walk among many but am touched by few. I see the hearts of all the pass and want to smirk at their petty deliverances, seeking sanctuary in towers of self created illusions, tied down, strapped away to the razor wire wall of humanity. Shall I leave it to your quarry of such creatures, or all them to bare the fruit of another who bares the mark of the nothing. From visiting places where the silence echoes like a scream and there is no words to whisper the pain of the nothing that are of those creature who bare no form, but are aware.To sit to toy with words and phrases, pass off conversations in entirely mearly to focus on a reflection of a former self? Mayhaps such a snide confidence of ego could be set aside for a term and put forth a better interest for the time being. Or shall we stick with the equivalence of the weather wrapped in circle of polite conversation and endless social graces. Shall I cut to the chase and finish what has been begun before the ripeness of the fruit can come to bare it's acquaintance? Do you come forth casting illusions of predetermined fates, toying with the strings of the conscious surface only to realize the tethers. Do you speak of further conversations, further deliberations from the mold society has crafted to enslave an entire race in blind soul stripping poverty and leave a husk of vigilance behind a false virtue. I am the keeper of secrets and of the woken shards, the framer of realities, the walker of places unventured.
Come forth to such a table of knowledge as this seeking to fill a parched thirst that gnaws as a hollowness. Like hunting for something just out of sight, with no solid idea of what it is, just knowing it is that , which the emptiness will fall to the grace of like the strength of the night unto the tears of the cascading starlit velvet?
Or mayhaps a curiosity that toys at the remembrance of something on the back edges of consciousness, like a distant calling with no sound way answering?Like the cascade of crimson down black marble steps to pool and congeal before trickling to the next step as the sun traces over the lands with it's firey crescendo.
So come now what questions call thy attention upon a creature as myself for whom the shadows weave and the nights radiate their pallid translucent colours across the fresh spill of crimson thru a transient mind of such. You know what I am do you not? Or in such am I not yet to be known. |
