I want to be a child of the night. but I'm afraid of the dark...
I just want to make one thing clear. Though many of us on this site (myself included) romanticize the idea of vampires and maybe even partake in the drinking of blood or the sharing of psychic energy--if the mythological idea of a blood-drinking, eternal vampire was actually real, and one of them was about to attack you, drink your blood, and most likely kill you--you would probably piss your pants in fear. As would most any sane person. This being said, I do not really wish that mythical vampires existed because of the very deadly implications that would incur. I will, however, fantasize about "good" vampires and romantic, eternal, hot vampire love but I hope to some divine being that they do not exist.
ABOUT ME:
I work full-time at an IEP (Intensive English Program) for international students. I'm studying web programming/design.
I have two tattoos, you can see below. My first was on my hip of two pandas--my favorite animal, and the second is on my back/neck and it says "Love is Without Reason" in Chinese.
I'm a Capricorn...I was born January 1st, 1988 in the year of the Rabbit or Dragon--depends on how you look at it.
I'm probably the shyest person you will meet. I'm terrible at small talk...but when I find someone I'm comfortable with I can talk for hours (and I do!) I like to be in charge of the conversation usually, unless you need to talk and then I'm a great listener.
I would like to dedicate more time to reading but after coming home from work and school I'm just too tired. I usually end up watching TV and going online lol.
I'm desperately in love with Edward from Twilight...I need someone like that in my life...preferably a vamp master. I would like to become someone's slave...
I am sometimes high-strung sometimes laid-back. It all comes with with my BPD. I am mercurial...so watch out. The tagline for people with BPD is "I hate you...don't leave me" because we can't deal with being alone, and we switch from adoration to hate in a heartbeat. Being in a relationship with a BPD girl is tough. I'm high maintenance, but not financially.
I don't go out too much--too broke and nothing interesting to do anyway. I prefer to stay home and watch movies or just go to a coffee shop and chill.
I like to sew and take photos. I am a compulsive shopper and it takes a lot of self-control for me to not buy too many things. I've gotten a lot of debt from my "problems".
Basically I'm a broken doll who's fallen on the floor, waiting for someone to pick her up.
MY SICKNESS:
I suffer from depression and borderline personality disorder.
Borderline Personality Disorder (according to Wikipedia):
The latest version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR), the widely-used American Psychiatric Association guide for clinicians seeking to diagnose mental illnesses, defines Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) as: "a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, as well as marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts."[13] BPD is classed on "Axis II", as an underlying pervasive or personality condition, rather than "Axis I" for more circumscribed mental disorders. A DSM diagnosis of BPD requires any five out of nine listed criteria to be present for a significant period of time. There are thus 256 different combinations of symptoms that could result in a diagnosis, of which 136 have been found in practice in one study.[14] The criteria are:[3]
1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). [Again, not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]
5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-mutilating behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness.
8. Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms
I am just a Bella, waiting for her Edward...(or Alice...)
Currently reading:
Homestuck (I guess that counts as reading??)
Mixed Magics by Diana Wynne Jones
LIKES:
Pandas
Vampires
Vampire pandas ?
Photography
Sewing
Reading
Tea! Especially Lupicia tea
Music
Certain Mangas/Animes
Shopping
Ikea
Writing (when I feel like it...)
Cuddling
Rainy days
Warm fires
Monterey
San Francisco
Hand-made scarves
Collecting cute and useless knick-knacks/stuffed animals
Filling up pages in a notebook (with pen, not pencil) and then feeling the backside of the pages and the way the letters engrave themselves into in the paper...
Kisses
Boys with piercings
Girls with piercings
Fangs
Handcuffs and leashes
Autumn + leaves
Twilight saga
Grey Goose makes me get loose :p
Pumpkin-flavored anything
Eggnog-flavored anything
COOKIES!!! (I am a Cookie Monster!)
Cooking/baking
Naps :)
French bulldogs
Tokidoki/Sanrio/San-X/Domo/etc.
Meeting new people!
Pandas are my favorite animals. There are only about 2,000 pandas in the world today, and most of them are in zoos or wildlife reservations.
"Vampire"
He flew to her as she sat in her bedroom
Touched down on her face with a powerful kiss
She fell to her bed as he landed upon her
It happened so quickly she couldn't resist
Embraced to submission, she lay uncomplaining
As he brushed her hair out exposing her neck
Anaesthetised softly with delicate kisses
She lay ready for him to make his descent
Her neck throbbing softly in time to her heartbeat
So soft and unblemished, a peach tinted white
He cradled her head and leant over her body
And kissed with lips open - jaws closing to bite
The heat hits his mouth as the blood trickles slowly
The taste is addictive, so rich and so warm
Unconscious, she's feeling a rush in her body
Excited, she calls out to him "Oh yes! More!"
He reads her elation and stops from his feeding
And, kissing her, turns round to look at her face
Light-headed, unthinking, she rises to kiss him
And falls to the spell of vampiral embrace
They kiss in the moonlight, her neck bleeding slowly
He bites her tongue hard as it strays by his teeth
Their mouths fill with blood as he drinks from her kisses
His hands getting busy with something beneath
He rips off her nightdress, the satin tears cleanly
Exposing her vulnerable body to him
She swallows her blood and delights in its softness
As he takes her skull in the palms of his hands
Her head on his shoulder, her body beneath him
She sighs with delight at the feelings inside
Sustained by her blood and her tenderest kisses
The vampire takes on a lover tonight
-Author Unknown
MUSIC:
A little bit of everything...
MOVIES:
Howl's Moving Castle
Twilight
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
The Princess Bride
Waking Life
My Neighbor Totoro
Spirited Away
Your Highness
Many more I can't think of right now...
DISLIKES:
Fakers
Liars
Backstabbers
(Those first three account for all my ex-friends)
Being Lonely
Being Disappointed (happens a lot, I always set my hopes too high...)
Gaining weight >,<
People who judge without knowing me
Being too cold/too hot
People who wear socks with sandals
People who can't drive
People who can't spell or use correct grammar! I know I'm not perfect every time but seriously people, it's not that hard!
People who choose to do nothing with their lives and then complain about it
Being shy
Awkward silences
When people I love are sad
Getting yelled at for something that's not your fault
Unconstructive criticism. If you have something bad to say you better have an explanation and a possible solution to whatever flaw you think I have.
Small children.
Haters.
If you want to know more, message me. I'm here to make friends.
I want to bite and be bitten.
From my dear friend, NocturnalMistress
