After seeing others profiles on here, I've come to realize that what I've written isn't exactly what people 'expect' to see, and while I usually don't care what other people like, I'm willing to give it a go this time around.
I'm a little obsessive with certain things. I think I may have a mild case of obsessive compulsive disorder, but who knows. I have some other issues as well, but who doesn't? I'm far from perfect, but so is the next person. I drive myself crazy thinking about things all the time, but I'm slowly getting used to that.
I have a nasty habit of seriously screwing things up, usually the really good things too. I can't seem to accept the fact that anyone could ever see me as anything other than what I see myself as. When I look in the mirror I see this hideous person starring back at me and it makes me want to scream and claw at my face. So far I've refrained from doing just that, but who knows what the future holds? I can't even understand myself, so don't expect me to be able to understand you. Sometimes I feel like there's a bunch of different people residing in my brain. They all have different personalities, different likes and dislikes, different perspectives on things, and the only thing any of them seem to be able to agree on is that they all hate me. Now before you go all "Oh she's crazy. Hearing voices in her head and sh*t," that's not how it is at all. Well, in a way it is, but those voices mostly focus on belittling me and driving me crazy. They don't tell me to kill people or anything like that, but sometimes they do control who I become friends with or let get close to me.
I have another nasty habit of serious rambling, incase you couldn't already tell. I'm not mentally stable, actually I'm pretty far from it. I do see a counselor, but so far we haven't really been working on my problems, go figure. She asked me once "On a scale of one to ten, one being not so much, ten being completely and totally, how badly do you hate yourself?" I told her a ten, and she asked how often, and I said basically every day, and she told me that that wasn't normal. Haha. Oh so nice of a counselor to tell their patient that they're not normal. No crap I'm not normal, would I be here if I was? If there was nothing wrong with me on so serious a level that I can't properly function, I wouldn't be here waisting money!
I do have aspirations though. I want to be a published author one of these days. I have so many ideas for books that I can write that it's not even funny. The only downfall is that I have no idea how to start off. I'm not a major fan of the way I write either, actually I'm probably my worst critic because I hate the way I write so much. I can't help but compare my writing style to the writing style of people who have been doing it for a lot longer than I have, and a lot of the time that takes away from my motivation and causes for me to completely destroy whatever it was that I had been working on.
Moving on to other aspects about me. I love to read, incase that wasn't evident with the factor that I wish to become an author some day. My favorite author of all time is Sherrilyn Kenyon. God I love that woman's work. She's absolutely amazing in my eyes. I know some people probably really dislike her, but I LOVE her work to death! Sherri is the author that really inspired in me this dream to become an author. Before her I wanted to write, yes, but once I started reading her I was like "That's what I want to do! I want to have works published that make people fall in love with my writing. I want to be able to tease people with little tid bits of information on the next book that I'm going to come out with. I want to make people want to read my next book so badly that if they don't get it and read it they're going to go nuts." I can't even begin to explain how madly in love with her style of writing I am. Sure there's some things about the books that may make them seem a little blah to other people, but to me they're as close to perfect as any one thing can get. She has this thing where she's cruel to the characters she creates. They have horrid pasts, and go through rough times, but in the end they wind up finding someone who can love them despite what they've been through. That's how I've always been with my characters. Always. I love to cause them strife and pain and then work in a character who can comfort them and ease that pain. I've always wondered why that can't actually happen in real life? Why must romance novels be just that? Novels. Ugh!!! What I wouldn't give to have something like that!
Another author that I love, brace yourselves because this one is a male, is Robert Anthony Salvatore. Never in my life have I read an author who was so amazingly descriptive in the fight scenes in their books. Sherri comes close, but even she doesn't quite do it the way Rob does. His characters are works of art, his plotlines are amazing, and the way he brings characters together who would normally kill one another rather than even trust them, is just absolutely amazing. Salvatore is one of the only two male authors that I have read that I can say I like. He's absolutely amazing, and if I could have half the skill he has when it comes to writing, I would be set for life.
Drizzt Do'Urden, one of Salvatore's main characters.
I like music too, but it just doesn't drive me the way a good book does. Reading is absolutely everything to me. However, I do find that music sometimes helps with my writing. Depending on the scene I'll play a certain type of music. If I need something to give me motivation for a scene where someone has been betrayed and they meet their betrayer face to face, the song I'm most likely to play is "I Fucking Hate You" by Godsmack. (Side note here : Sully Erna is a d*mn good singer, I don't care what anyone says. He's also really hot! :D) If I'm doing a fight scene it will most likely be something by Disturbed or Metallica that's coming from my speakers.
Anyway...I guess that's really all I have to say for now. I might do some things for my journal and what not, but for now I'm done with this writing business. Thanks to any who actually spent the time to read this! I appreciate it. |
