New Moon
The moon,
Lucid as she hangs,
Poignant in my sky,
Unforgiving my sins of the night.
And she waits,
Save for insincerity,
Replace my only sun,
Among specks that near die next to her sweet light.
If merely I might bear some warmth,
Daylights tenderness in time,
To heal unyielding emptiness; my heart
Yet her sweet silvery to me,
Is some sweet silent reverie,
That touches all my flowers in the dark.
Waves that break the shore are cast,
Out into the oceans tide,
Sinister as the sky it sees,
Wile she is mirrored next to it,
Set in the ocean vast and wide,
Her beauty,
Oh it’s victory,
Of me.
Dear Reader,
I Don't know you, and unless you've been here before you don't know me; hopefully that will change. Think of this profile as a letter to you about myself. You won't find flashy backrounds here, I'd like you to be able to just read the words I'm writing now, and maybe somewhere in this you can get a glimpse of my life. If you leave me a note, I will get back to you. But for now, adieu, take care, and read on...
To those of you who have returned, I appoligize for not being consistant with my updates and what have you... but I seem to have a hard time on this site, it never wants to work right for me. I've become frusterated with it, so rather then drive myself insane having to log in everytime I try to view a new page, I just don't bother. I'm also working over 50 hours a week as a health counselor, so by the time Im home, Im exhausted. I have little time for VR anymore. But I get here when I can. Again, Im sorry to be away so much, but you work with what you have. Adieu...
I'm 5'4, blonde hair, blue-grey eyes. A hopeless romantic, a poet, a painter. I see light in people where they don't find it within themselves, hope in situations where bleakness rides a somber ray. I'm everything you see of me, and nothing you don't, but you may never really know me, because I wear my heart on my sleeve, and refuse to admit it. I am strong like my father; you will never see me cry. However behind closed doors I'm as weak as the next.
I'm not religious, but I am spiritual .
I love reading Pre-American History novels, and studying ancient/Pre-American cultures. I've written a number of short stories pertaining to the subject. I also love Ancient Egyptian and Greecian History and myth.
Im a university student attaining a double major in Philosophy and ICS.
I lived in Texas once for three years... Beautiful place. I miss it.
Art holds a great deal of meaning for me, a place to put lost feelings; there is no greater accomplishment then that of vengence or sorrow on canvas. It is the stone that grounds me when I feel so far from where I should be. Every painting needs to bring something forward from its onlooker; some emotion, some scent, some thought or trigger some private memory. In this, it breathes life into the piece and dimension is given, and no one will see it as you see. To understand a painting is exquisite, so feel it as private as an intimite memory.
My Constellation; the constellation directly above your birth place the time you were born is Andromeda; Andromeda was the daughter of Cassiopeia the Aethiopian queen of the city of Joppa in Phoenicia. Cepheus, the king, was her father. Andromeda’s mother, Cassiopeia, was boastful about her natural beauty. After boasting that she and Andromeda were more beautiful than the sea nymphs, Poseidon, god of the sea, decided to punish the queen for her vanity. He sent a terrible sea monster, Cetus, to destroy Phoenicia. King Cepheus quickly consulted the Oracle at Ammon, where he was advised that Poseidon could only be appeased if the sacrificed their daughter Andromeda to Cetus. So, they chained Andromeda to a rock on a tiny island offshore to await her death. The hero Perseus, returning from killing the Gorgon Medusa saw Andromeda’s plight, slew Cetus and rescued Andromeda.
I have one tattoo on my hip, they're lillies. I am currently in the process of designing a few new ones: A raven with a lily in its talons; representative of a poets heart, a carrion of the soul, and a protector from disease. My other, after some tweeking, is from a C.D cover by HIM. I've been two years debating on getting these, now it's just comming down to going in and getting it done...
I play the piano, the guitar (acoustic) and want to learn the Chello. I have a love for classical music. My favorite classical piece to have ever been written was Moonlight Sonata; Beethoven. All of the pieces I write are inspired much by this period piece.
I listen to many different genres of music. My favorite Artist is HIM, I hear 1 song almost 2 years ago and was hooked. I have yet to hear a song I dont like... I also like Inflames, Muse, Story of the Year, The early November, I love the Gin Blossoms, Matchbox20, Hawksley Workman (Go team Canada!). If you want to listen to an amazing song, get "Beautiful" by H.I.M, it truely is wonderfully haunting. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as me...
My Confessions...
My Confessions...
I'm often too proud to ask for help, even when I truely need it. Im the kind of person that is more than willing to help others and do anything for them. But I don't ask for help, or like looking weak to other people. I'm stable on the outside and composed and compassionate, but inside is always another story.
I tend to not give myself a lot of credit for the things I do, and I'm fairly hard on myself. I'm working on that though :)
I have a problem with shopping... I like it too much :P
Im terrified of uncertaintly. I like to know whats going to happen, or the outcome of something, but not knowing things makes me anxious, even though I wouldnt show it.
I once loved so much it brought tears to my eyes, and I cried at the thought it would someday end. The thought of losing him hurt to much I almost left him, I'd almost rather leave him than fall deeper in love at the possibilty of losing him. We are still together, however now I try not to let my mind wander to the future so much, and take thigns day by day. It's worked rather well, and we're together a year and a half...
Sometimes I wish I had faith in God, I guess the thought of nothingness after death scares me. I almost envy those people who have an unwaivering faith, who are so certain of where they are going after they die; where I am so unsure. I've looked into many different beliefs, however I havent found one that brings peace to my mind, and they feel full of falsehoods. I'm still searching, I'll find something to believe in...
Sometimes, on clear nights, I lay out in the backyard and stare into the abyss. When you are just laying there, looking into the night; billions of stars shining on you, the moon casting dim light, you feel so small. The sky opens up and you see there is more to the world than this enclosed globe. Thoughts of everyone I've met in my life flood into my mind, all these people who I've met once, who have never been forgotten, who have made a difference in my life profoundly. Sometimes I just lay there, and take everything in and wonder.
I'm a chronic late night baker... I find it relieves stress. I can't cook cookies for some reason, but I make great carrot muffins, and a mean Seafood fettuccini :)
My Sins...
My Sins...
I have a lingerie fetish... corsets and bustiers. Can't help myself, I just love them!
I tend to like passionate pain.. they go well together :)
I like dominant/submissive... who knew?. Besides, I like giving up control to someone else... I think its why I'm so attracted to vampires. It's such a sad existance, searching for love through eternal loneliness. It's like in all the movies you've ever watched, and for some reason your drawn to the creature in the dark, and you pity it, even through it's hypnotic love.
I discovered I really love bondage.
I love to write erotic literature; I find it a challenge to write, and write well. There is a fine line between writing a trashy story and a well writen erotic adventure. You don't want to use the same phrases over and over, the reader will become uninterested and bored; you have to hike up the anti and develope new metophors. I also like to read them, usually to help get into the mood for writing, or maybe to see how others are putting their images into words. The vampire story Ive writen in my journal was actually an erotic story I cut dramtically shorter and rewrote most of. Writing a well writen vampire story is also a challenge, and I havent nearly satisfied myself with it yet. I would have posted the original erotica, but due to extremelly mature and verbally graphic content, didnt. I love to write, and see others reactions, but I am aware that there is a rather young audience as well on this site, and wouldnt want to upset administration.
Special Thanks To...
Special Thanks To...
Vampwriter1369; Need I say anything here? An intoxicating person, most definately worth while getting to know.
I'd like to say a special thanks and give credit to LadyKrystalynDarkstar, a wonderful member of VR, for taking the time and working so hard on my customized Bites when I fisrt came here. She did a fantastic job, and I love it. She is also the sweetest and hilarious!So here's to you LKD! Go check her out!
Also, xfallenxstarx is amazing! She has welcomed me and kept in touch since day 1, Plus she's just adorable! I love your hat! ;)
Enigma: I appreciate all of our talks; you are truely insightful. Thank you for just being there.
Lord Vampiro: My far away friend, what can I say othr than you hare a wonderful person with a great sense of humor :D
Rants...
Rants...
I am just going to rant about whatever comes to mind, I'll add new ones every so often. Hopefully they can give you some insight to me and who I am, If not they may just be mildly entertaining, if that.
I haven't tried Absinthe yet, It's hard to get here since it's illegal, but I'm going to Montreal again this summer, maybe I will pick up a bottle there :) It should make for a great time, and frankly, I can't wait to get elegantly Hammed~
I've withdrawn my comment on Forcible Induction; after reading many comments by memebers of VR about how much they enjoy their Masters of the Houses or Covens. I'll just plead the 5th.
I love wine.. I usually drink it several times during the week, preferably in a bubble bath with candles lit all over the bathroom, I do that at least twice a week. PS. For those of you who need to relax, seriously give this a try. AND no, guys, this will ot make you sissy's.
I'm actually Drinking a glass of Lindmans 95 right now... very nice white, light and fruity, highly recommend, I'm never without a bottle in my house.
You probably wont find my profile extravaggant; full of huge fonts, thousands of quizes and crazy backround. I enjoy seeing profiles that have has such time put into them, But I like to keep mine simple and sweet. I don't want to take away from the things I'm saying and poems or stories I've writen and wanted to share with you. Don't hold that against me, I just want you to get to know me from the words I'll write here, and not the dramatic affects
Random Facts...
Random Facts
Some of my favorite characters are Catwoman, Batman, and Elektra. I think the reason I like them is because of their dark glory...
I adore flowers, especially lilies and orchids.
I love the ocean...
I want to get married outside a castle in Italy.
I'd like to write a book of my poetical works.
some of my favorite poets are; Longfellow, Byron, Frost, Poe, Robert Service, Shakespear,
Dickenson, amongst countless others...
Some of my favorite films are; V for vendetta, Memoirs of a geisha, the last samuri, Donnie Darko, King Kong, Office space... again, countless others.
I think Bondage is Beautiful, when done right.
Daily Thoughts...
Daily Thoughts...
April 24/07
Im trying to expand my horizons. Currently fighting with writers block I haven't writen much poetry in the past few months, at least nothing worth while. I've dragged my sorry ass back here to VR, I missed it while away exploring the depths of my mind and finding some place in the world I belong. I have this passion inside me that feel like it will just explode out of my chest, but I haven't found a way to get that out yet; I might start painting again. Im in love as well.. so much so that I feel my heart could just cave in. Maybe I'll write about that. Till next time, Adieu
June 11
It's been awhile since I've been here... and I have much to say; stories of life, heartbreak, and loss... come back later to read my stories
May 29/06
Yesterday in my boyfriends garden was a stray cat; she was black, and she was beautiful. And, very sick. she sat by the pond and tried to drink a dozen times, and would just place her paw in the water when she couldnt, again. She'd just slowly lay on her side. I held her all evening, and she was merely bones, but she was sweet. I tried to feed her milk, but she wouldnt eat. I didnt take her home, and I know I should have. If she made it through the night I swore to myself I would take her to the vet, and money is no object. She hasnt come back this evening, and all I can think is that she died alone. And it breaks my heart into a million pieces beacuase I could have done something. I have a vet on call for her already incase she shows up. But my hope is dim and dying as each hour passes... I was selfish to leave her there and think I could come back to find her. I wanted to help her, but 'wanting' gets you nothing in life but dreams. Wanting is for people who are to selfish, scared or hesitant to act on the moment. Wanting to save someone doesnt matter in the end when acting could have saved them. 'Stray', the poem below, is about her... she is beautiful.
May 26/06
Going out tomorrow night with the girls... so please.. guys... unless you're served in a frosted glass, you arent getting within 4 feet of my lips.
May 9/06
I feel Empty today. The past few days have brought me only questions and late, sleepless nights, filled with odd visions I cant recollect. I walked to the patio door at dusk, and stood there as the cool air nipped at my arms, leaning my head against the wooden frame I stared into the sky. vibrant colours stood out from the darkened blue; peach, pink, orange, purple. Whisps of clouds spread across, as if some hand of God hand reached out and painted it so. I wanted to take a picture, but I know it could never bring it justice. My younger sister asked if I believed in Magic today. She's so much older looking than 13; taller than me, long blonde hair, bright blue inquisitive eyes; I shook my head. Sometimes I forget how young she really is, maybe I should have lied...
I have accumulated hundreds of writings, and hope to publish a journal of my poetical works eventually; after I've finished my education maybe...
My poetry is very personal, however, I don't mind opening up to let people read them. You may not understand the underlying themes, but each person will have a different take on each piece. Every poem was writen from a pinical point in my life. You may not know what I was going through, or understand what I'm symbolizing in it, but you can connect on some level in someway hopefully. I have posted a few on my front page below, the rest are in my journal if you care to read them. I'm slowly adding more as I find ones I feel I should share with you. I hope you enjoy them.
Stray
Blossoms, small like the lily in the purest hope of spring,
Fall somber suggestive of a sad rhyme.
While the evening floats on like the whisper of a quiet swallows wing.
A memory created for a lifetime.
In the twilight I listen for the last murmurs of the day,
She stays and waits, patiently and pending.
It’s last struggled breath and one soundless glance away,
While slowly the melodies are ending.
And the sky glows the earnest shade of blue,
And my tears compose it, all a painting.
And she lingers, a shadow in the hue,
While slowly I see her image fading.
Like Paris, but a garden in the night,
Her beauty wild, although dark it’s shown,
And faded in the evening is her last impression leaving,
Though I wouldn’t wish she die here all alone.
And she is there,
Hidden in the flowers.
She is beautiful.
Lullaby
Voices charming,
Although I don’t hear it.
I can’t remember when it’s graced my ears.
My slumber sweet,
And though I do not fear it.
I know I’ve still been here a thousand years.
My silent lips,
And breath escapes but whispers don’t believe.
And my mind slips,
Into a darkness that I can’t deceive.
Your voice compelling,
My soul eternal, ceaselessly I weep.
While your foretelling,
Singing me forever into sleep.
Spider Webs
I see them in the corners,
Soft and delicate;
A death-trap for our lies.
They hang there in the mourning sun,
From a time where we'd begun,
Now catching tears she cries.
And the wind blows,
Memories through my mind,
Like it tares the web from its time,
Leaving it broken and away.
And he follows,
remains of what we used to have,
holding on to what we had,
But they've all been burned today.
So I will lay here,
Wrapped within my own web,
Caught in thoughts I knew were never true,
And I will stay here,
While jealousy finds pieces,
One's loniless had left behind for you.
The Newest Day
And in the rising sun we see,
the light of now the newest day,
but still the pain and still the tears,
we know within our hearts will stay.
And all the wrongs that fill our past,
could ever such a right be made?
and all the loves that we have lost,
we know the hurt has always stayed,
despite the boundaries we have laid.
And with the rule that comes with life;
everything must one day end,
and with the grieving and the strife,
is there remorse that we can send?
But know to lose a closer friend?
Regret the past I surely will,
but keep the ones with me at heart,
for even friends that I have lost,
time can't forever keep apart.
His Perfection
Will you show me mercy?
Since your silence is so deafening,
Her eloquence annihilates my own.
I’ve fallen; broken,
Unlike her, so feminine,
A pristine picture,
Faultless art un-shown.
Fluorescent beauty;
So rare an unachieved,
And I could never match moneys appeal.
And if you’d seen me,
Compared me to your neon angel,
You’d see the fervor offered is so real.
She is perfect -ly
Bought with the precision,
Of knowing what she’ll never justly be.
And I am molded out of life;
Trace the outline of my body,
Notice depths of passion have created me.
And she turns heads,
With sideways glances,
With glamour in walk that I can’t touch.
And I am merely melted glass,
So unperfected,
Though once loved so much.
A Night
I remember a night clearly,
The echoing resonance of it's sound,
The texture of the darkness griping loosely,
Like a dull and distant pain.
I remember a stone hell,
Transparent to my eye,
Encaging my heart.
I remember how the moon hung,
Casting bluish shadows on the night;
A quiet night,
A tranquil sky,
A resting point to private fears.
I remember a voice whispering,
Closely to my soul.
Deep within the enveloping dawn,
The moon fading in the light of another day,
Drawn towards some other time.
But forever, in those memories,
I have that night,
Wedged in a corner of my moonlit sky.
I'm Sorry
Im sorry,
Sometimes it’s just the rain.
It’s all okay,
When I can’t feel at all.
And in the glory,
Sometimes it’s just the pain,
Skies turn ash gray,
And they begin to fall…
And my eyes are stinging faintly,
Tears are blinding
Clouded nights see,
Nothing more than empty sheets,
So vaguely,
And so small.
Red Rose
Out on the balcony I stood,
A lover in the moonlit glow,
Gazing out upon the night,
Waves embracing shores of snow.
The black abyss was what stared back,
An on my shoulder felt a chill,
Turn did I to see the eye,
Of lonesomes’ only will.
And his heart forever still.
Silver pools reflected sin,
Chiseled features showed to me,
Hard, cold lips turned in a grin,
Tiny points to no mercy.
Hypnotic was his stare that night,
Compassion was no tone,
Frozen I stood there that night,
An angel all-alone’
He tipped my chin with gestures slow,
Caressing every place,
A muffled cry was all he’d know,
In silence only space.
A tear slipped from my poignant eye;
A lover at his best,
For taking still the angels’ cry,
And leaving all the rest.
He led me with a rose in arm,
So graciously he swayed,
Inquisitive I was so now,
Into the games he played.
In front the mirror where we stand,
‘You are the night’ he whispered there,
Gently passed the stem in hand,
And turned me to the glass to stare.
I caught my breath, a tear fell too,
And quickly had it froze,
Because the only thing stared back,
Was the red, red rose.
I've FINALLY finished the story! It's in my journal under Story Entries, It's not too long, so nothing too extravigant. A kind of tragic romance sort of thing. Writen in first person, you never know the names or the characters, and there is very little dialogue. I tend to be very discriptive since I love giving my readers a sense of imagery. Below is the beginning of the piece, just a teaser to the rest of it, but you'll have to read the rest on your own. Hope you enjoy!
Stepping into our bedroom, candles gently lighting the surroundings, I take a deep breath slowly; it smells of vanilla and roses, and the remnants of you. I sip my wine from the heavy crystal glass; bitter tonight, but still sweet. Deep satin covers line the mattress on the back wall, untouched from daybreak and your impression; pillows lay scattered near a mahogany headboard that holds our secrets and whispers of the night. I look around slowly taking everything in, your belongings so untouched. Tears begin to slip from my solemn blue eyes, down a porcelain cheek and onto hardwood floors that graced your feet. Nearly sensing your hands on my shoulders I hold my breath, moments pass and I finally let the air from my lungs escape, it hurts, as my chest grows heavy.
Walking to my dresser, I put my hands on it and lean forward, raven hair falls loosely on my flushed features, looking up I barely notice as a distorted vision of myself stares back, and I never see the tears but feel my eyes burn and that’s enough. Smearing them from my face I drink the last of the wine hastily. Pulling open a drawer, I pick up a silk nightgown; pink with ivory lace, you loved this one.
I slowly unfasten my cream blouse, it falls gingerly to the floor and gray dress pants soon follow. My hands, gracefully remove a white lace bra, slowly beginning to pull down the edges of the corresponding panties. I gaze at myself now, an image of Eden, admiring what your hands have loved. Slipping the pink silk over my head and closing my eyes, I imagine you standing at the back of me smiling in content. For a brief moment I am relieved. Only, I open them to the reflection of an empty room behind me...
Always and Forever,
Roxix...
Always and Forever,
Roxix...
