Although I’m really good with taking care of people physically and emotionally, I suck with the financially aspect. I have rather serious stress and anxiety issues, that paired with the fact that I can’t drive (legally blind) makes me kind of useless with holding down a job for any length of time or pulling my share of the weight when it comes to bills. I’m not proud of it, or even content but I’ve been trying to change that about myself for the better part of 17 years now. I had only small limited victories with that battle. It’s weird I just shatter under work related pressure, but I can handle more household and interpersonal tension/angst than a trained therapist. This has been a breaking block with many people I’ve loved. If you think people who can’t hold down a 9 to 5 are wastes of air… Again, best move along. As it stands now I've been working as a live in nanny and housekeeper for more than five years. It's a job I've come to find very rewarding. I love my family as though they are blood kin.
I can fit in almost anywhere, and make friendly conversation with almost anyone but I’m most comfortable around my fellow freaks, nerds, and outcasts. This has helped contribute to my becoming something of a subculture tourist. Name any offbeat group of people and I’ve likely not only been there, done that, but was given the special glo-in-the-dark limited edition t-shirt.
I have a VERY active inner life, peopled with fallen angels and repentant monsters as well as many other creatures of myth and legend.
I love to write dark fantasy and horror fiction.
Many of my characters come from the walk of life I understand best... The fringe.
The runaways and the harlots, the homless and the mad. Many have been my friends over the years. When I write is is their voices I hear, their stories that are desperate to be told. The street can be a sordid place, but there is friendship, honor and loyalty there too.
Fair warning, I also like to trip and to poke smot… um a lot!I do it for both recreation and spiritual journeying. I don't care if you think this is wrong, I just don't want to be lectued on the subject. I don’t get many opportunities these days but the love is undiminished for all that. I love junk food, red meat, nicotine, caffeine, porn, good beer, and lots of hot sauce too. *Puts on her bright red t-shirt with HEDONIST printed on it in giant block letters*
I debated talking about this for a while, since it’s a bit of a sore subject with me these days. I started thinking and dressing in the manner described as goth long before I knew there was such a label. This was back in the late 80’s, when people were just starting to discover hair metal and early techno. Meanwhile my tastes ran to oldskool heavy metal, and darkly flavored works of dead authors, not to mention using electrical tape as a fashion accessory. I just thought I was a balls to the wall phreak at the time. (I was). Sometime in the early 90’s I started seeing talk shows featuring kids as weird, or weirder than me talking about being goth. (I thought, whoa! Is THAT what I am.) There was no community or scene for me to take part in. I *was* the goth scene at my school, and trust me, nobody thought it was cool or trendy back then. Quite a lot of people were humorously afraid of me though. (A large number of which assumed I was a Satanist. I let them think that. It cut down on the number of @&& kickings I got.)
Since then though Goth has become something entirely different from what it once was. Now it is mainstream, trendy, and expensive. Where once it was a expression of a refusal to see the world in the same candy colored light as the sheep, now it has become just another tool *of* the sheep, and a lucrative commercial product to boot. Nuevo goth kids are viciously cruel to each other based on attractiveness, perceived gothness, and other purely superficial things. Once it was all about not judging people based on surface traits. It has in recent years become it’s own antithesis. So I distance myself from the label now, if not the music and literature. If you want to think of or call me an elder goth go right ahead. I don’t really mind, but call me a granny goth and you might get pimp slapped. If you think some people are too old, too fat, too ugly, or too nice to be goth, *YOU ARE NOT GOTH YOURSELF*, but just another rabid poser. There, that’s my two cents. (Actually that was more like a buck, seventy-five.)
I joined this site mainly as a way to meet intelligent dark minded people. So far that has been going very, VERY well. I do not consider myself to be a vampire. Though there are things that have been said here regarding psy-vamps that make me wonder. Lets just say I’m keeping an open mind, but I’m still skeptical. We can leave it at that for now, can’t we?
