there's more than one or two metaphysical paths leading through my bosom, it's endless degression into the vague yawning abyss on the bottom of my blissful damnation...my cognizance it's like intersection of dreadful frequencies attempting to be more alive and substantial than me, that's what I'm in one of aspects of own being...a lot of me was and always will be silently hidden, during whole life, deeply under everything cognizable..as if it has been necessary and nevertheless never may not be forgotten....my worlds are different, like worlds of all us, but not everyone be able to find and realize those worlds, which are bisecting their reality...but restless dreams, on the frontier between reality and transience, were always full of excruciating suffering..That suffering, which quaintly enchant the eyes of beholders although they don't see this hidden pain in carmine veins...Like unbelievably beautifully dancing, feathery as levitation above the sky, but on bloodstained soles punctured with the sharp nails, frightful pain with each motion...But no one can see this important essence of frightfulness...Dread just tear entrails deeply within, but its intensity leak through sight of eyes, through breath and dying with every grievous tremble.....It's imperishable distance and I am too far away from you, far away from everything except madness....more dead than alive in sleepless surviving...and if sleeping, so with opened eyes stalking every one your fractional motion..with intuition of animal, ferocity of beast, fragility of butterfly and with vulnerability of a dream...from dawn till dusk I am waiting for abyss..my thoughtless eyes blind like an eternal grief behind transient death, curves of existence incinerated by the silent wind..and dawn of tragedy, zealous passions inevitably buried under gravestones of bodies, so emotionally defunct bodies,...how gracious predestination for children of ethereal emptiness lost in chaos...bottomless surreal world where I`m imprisoned deeply within....naked Eve and her whiteness skin falling into pool of own blood, infinitely more sinful than entire world behind her shoulders....slow downfall through thousand infernal gates bleeding more than my translucent wrists and that whole dying universe is my crimson apple of desire...only bite and reality will be forever lost, pain between cold fragments of own flesh..no one is more dead than maniac without emotions, chained by horrific thoughts to hungry bestial body..gluttonous leviathan surviving within everyone of us, more or less unrelenting..and my bitter daemon is dream, day or night, everything is signed by horrific nightmares too real to be forgotten....illusions of recurrent tragedy again and again, my death, my eternal downfall into deep numinous abyss cloaked in black..claws tearing my throat and no one can hear my macabre cry, because all that time I`m mute..and there`s only the beginning...the beginning somewhere on dawn of my life...I was absorbing obscurity from childhood, beyond prevailing normality....and remembrances had begun in the moment, when pallid child had stood on stone kerb, and was looking to white blanket over body...time had stopped, for a moment like an eternity...blanket soaked by blood in hypnotic tranquility of death, and child innocence fascinated by freezing touch of fear, her dreams was forever touched by finality...and then thousand resurrections, transformations of flourishing mind... where is that child, if I had been a child at all.... vulnerable existence without love to senseless regret needs own cure, art is instrument of my internal purge...bloodshed of surreal visions, need to animate bloodthirsty beasts of mind, their yearning to be free....the only way from me leading through my hands....close eyes, those unauthorized judges of reality and try to free up whole depth of fantasy....there is the true essence of fear, potency of perception via other senses in absorbent obscurity...and my conception of soul like record of ages, breathing pasts still remote to penetration through too little developed brain in their essential mould incomprehensible for memory, which is not able to include more than period of one age....maybe dreams and visions are not merely marginal brain discourses, but authentic and pulsing memory fragments of aged existence of primal substance ...substance pervading every tangible inanimate body like breath of life, that abstract kernel of motion....how many things would be worthless then and madness more truthful than too monotone whole human science...I'm beast full of longing for discovering secret chambers, naked subsistence in universe of chaos
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fragments of my needs:
Edvard Munch, Goya, Odilon Redon, Gustave Klimt, Francis Bacon, S. Dali, Giorgio de Chiricco, Gerald Brom, H. R. Giger, Jan Saudek, Helmut Newton Aleister Crowley, Eliphas Levi, Scott Cunningham, Stanislav de Guaita, Pierre de Lasenic, Paracelsus, Josef Durr, Andre Breton, Paul Elouard, Benjamin Peret, Konstantin Biebl, Baudellaire, Verlaine, Gellner, D`annunzio, Novalis, J.H .Krchovsky, Ch. Bukowski, I. Welsh, Ginsberg, Kerouac, John Breine, Kingsley Amis Schopenhauer, Hegel, Kirkegaard, Klima, G. Fichte, Nietzsche, etc.
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self fulfillment, fine arts( see and create, I`m a bit psychotic student of fine arts ), bohemian life, mournful music which resurrect me, philosophy, history of culture - arts and crafts, poetry(read and write), occultism, quality red wine, sinful blood, full lush lips, piercing, tasteful black tattoos, art galleries, theatres, performance art, intellectual films of all genres (mostly horror and dramas) and especialy olden silent horrors and first sound films and among others, most entrancing film, which I ever watch ...Titus, physical and spiritual pain, silence within noise of my mind, disclaim disincentives, bleeding, deep dusks and dawns, winter fogs and snow-white horizon, crimson and rainy autumn, extremely cold weather, when my body ascends to point of hibernation, shivering down my spine and that cold passion of winter breath on my warm skin burned me, simplicity inside complexity, persons who feel hatred to me I more than love, when nightmares awake cognizance, when someone embrace me with lips on my ear and I feel safe, my internal fictional world sunken in ultramarine sea of despair - there is a main point of my soul and flame of my creative ability, seek inside worlds of others, darkness over my past and in front of my future, deeply developed intuition, pallid skin, metal concerts, goth clubs, northern lands, veristic surrealism (mine never-ending art inspiration), indeterminateness, freedom of mind and body, candid lunacy, sensitive and soulful persons, ancient places, pellucid nights, moon shine...I am only happy when it rains
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musical impressions
and inspirations:
(all of really sorrowful and painful music)
neoclassical dark music
symphonic gothic doom,
doom,
symphonic/ug black metal ( raw power of black metal at all ),
ethereal
dark ambient
classical music,
avantgarde and orchestral influences
and classical swing
Virgin black,
Woods of belial,
Graveworm,
Sopor aeternus,
Profanum,
Thorns,
Dark Sanctuary,
Gothica,
Funerary call,
Ophelias dream,
Eros necropsique,
Les Secrets de Morphée,
Le triste sire,
Narsilion,
Ordo funebris,
XVII VIE,
Trobar de morte,
Die verbannten Kinder Evas,
All my faith lost,
Anima in fiame,
L'orchestre noir,
Fin de Siécle,
Darkly pale,
Lupercalia,
xArkanex,
Leviathan,
Accurst,
Chaoticum,
In slaughter natives,
Kerovnian,
Lustmord,
MZ.412,
Necrophorus,
Oxyd,
Funerary Dirge,
Shape of despair,
Void of silence,
Torturium,
Ordo equitum solis,
Toroidh,
A murder of angels,
Nokturnal mortum,
Gorgoroth,
Interitus,
Nattefrost,
Long Winters Stare,
Folkearth,
Ad vitam aeternam,
Avrigus,
The sins of thy beloved,
Fallen,
Proscenium,
Profane grace,
Epica,
Offertorium,
Cadaveria,
Anorexia nervosa,
Satyricon,
L'Edelweiss Noire,
The eternal blade,
Vampiria,
Vesperian sorrow,
Blut aus nord,
Averse sefira,
Chaostar,
Aeternitas,
Chamber of sorrows,
Dark mirror ov tragedy,
Finntroll,
Empyrium,
Diabolical masquerade,
Lacrimae mortalium,
Mournful congregation,
Morthem vlade art,
The funeral orchestra,
Until death overtakes me,
Archon satani,
Elend,
Sanctum,
Atrium carceri,
Impressions of winter,
Love is colder than death,
Raison d`etre,
Valefor,
Age of silence,
Aesma daeva,
Dargaard,
Livores mortis,
Arcana,
Burzum,
Funeral ceremony,
Carl Orff,
Gustav Mahler,
Edvard Grieg, |
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