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I have always wondered what triggers my emotional instability and I have recently discovered I have Borderline Personality Disorder.

Since I've known the guy I'm currently in a relationship with I've been scared to death of him abandoning me, which made me do and say things I probably shouldn't have; all the little things I've done are symptoms.

Since I've hit adolescence I've been a "cutter" and had a poor self image. When I met the person I'm currently sharing my life with, he made me promise to stop self-mutilation. It was a struggle and I'm working on it. Sometimes I still consider it and have relapsed many times (its been over a year)

When we got in a fight; I immediately started dating this boy who had been in love with me for a long time; despite the fact I had absolutely no feelings for him because I fear being alone. He knew this and just tried to keep me at a stable level. I cheated on him many times to fill the emptiness that never left.

I go through frequent mood swings with absolutely nothing to trigger them; of anxiety, depression and anger.

I wanted to know why cutting was so hard to stop and I finally figured it out. I'll try to keep this updated.



-Nemo