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but hey im in a happy mood shouldnt be but i am.sex is bad never do it.............wait... what ......that sounds random let me start over.ok so sex brings problems.it could range from fighting,breaking up (even if your not the one dating the person) all the way to getting pregnate.well i took a pregancy test that jered got me yesterday im glad to say it came out negative. but sad thing is i may be young but i started to actualy want to be pregnate with his child. that way i could move in with him and be with him for ever. but it didnt end up that way. well i found out he broke up with lida and told Elizabith to never talk to him again so its just me and Jessica going after him now he is eliminating people and im scared i might be the next one to go.If i am Jessica would have won and ill be alone. I dont know what ill do if i dont get to be with him. il probly do something drastic like...kill someone i dont know

I have one month intill I will be turning 17....17 is a good age it will be the age i graduate from Lewisville High School.It lso will hopefully be the age i move out of my house and in to an apartment with freind's. I have so many places I can go when I get to that day were I will graduate.I could get an Apartment and move in with either Rachel,Kathrine, Kim ,Jimmy,Jeff, or maby some of he people that I just dont feel like naming off right now too many of them.I am starting to think I know to many people in to many place's.I am able to be freinds with anyone.But I have a tendency to hang mostly with the ones that are not considered "good" people just because they might do Drug's or wear all black or have beaten someone up. but what does anyone know.They are good people and great freind's they are the only freind's that I trust not to turn on me. they don't beat people up for no reason that person did something first. like hurt me or them. im sick of people judging people by what they see before they even get to know the person. Everyone should take a moment and get to know the person first.Maby they do drugs to get away from thoughts of people that judged them in the first place. everything comes from somewhere action's have consequences.Its just like when your young and your parents tell you to think before you act.

well I guess there realy is no way you can have too many freinds in too many places. It just mean's when you need help you have someone there to lend a hand

I am so happy and have very good reason to be..well actualy no Im not sure if its a good reason.but I should be mad cus Jered and Trish have been constintly biting me for the last three days and im in pain only one of them actualy drink blood from me wich usaly I would be fucking pissed because I did not give Jered permision to but i wasnt I dont know why. and I through my head into a brick wall 2 days ago so my neck and head hurt like crazy. I was almost drowned but that was because I was to week to pull my head out of the water for reasons people dont need to know inless you ask I might tell.but other then that im happy and the reson is Jered told me he loved me for the first time ever and I feel great about it cus I could tell he meant it.



I am in love yay..wait is that a good thing?

I guess ill have to wait and see

so .....so many people want to be with me and I hate it why does everyone like me im not pretty,im not smart, I make bad decisions,people cant even use me for money I dont have any. I dont get it .pretty much all I can do is dance and sing. but yet 6 guys and 1 girl wants to date me. it pisses me off so bad cus i like 2 of them ..only 2 of them. one of them makes me feel the same way Taro did before he died and the other is i dont know just makes me happy when next to him.



Im hating love so much right now

Oh well



-*alyssa*-

tonight at 9 im going to a monte mongomery alternitive rock concert. no its not the contry singer . I cant wait its gona be awsome. its also only $10.00 yay. wow i sound happy music be becuase im done with the teen life skills thing ivew been siting in a meeting room listening to speaker/counceler talk about what he thinks im going through. and drug awarness and getting a job and also my developing brain. its funny because he thinks he know who I am . there are like 13 of us teenagers and I was the only one who wore black the three days I am also the only one that dosent live in a big house with rich parents and fancy clothes with a car and a liscense and I definently dont get what ever I want. but I taught some of the "preps" about the poor life. like they told me at the high school every one has as they said "there own click" but thats not the way its done at my school because I dont have a "click" im freinds with everyone the goths wich people tend to call me, im freinds with the emos,preps,skaters,scene ,punks,rebels,gangsta's, and everyone else. but when I told them this they felt imature . so we were all talking about are feelings and they all pretty much said they felt like they had to be someone there not i told them to be them selves.they started to talk to me today after 3 days of being there for 8 hours without any of them saying anything to me they started today.that thing sucked I knew everything the councelers told me

esterday was weird though. i was walking with a freind we had nothing else to do and i noticed a guy behind us i stoped and looked at him and he asked if either of us had a phone.i said no and my freind handed him her's after that he couldent find the number in his pockets that he needed so he ended up hanging out with us. i fond out he just got out a jail and i have talked to him before and on time when i talked to him he almost got beat up after i left. kinda strane but oh well he sent off this vibe that i could trust him and that he is not a bad guy about an hour after we met he asked me out so yay i have a boyfeind.maby it will end up in love and maby ill be happy.



right when i almost stop searching and give up it comes to me

went stright 2 the mall when i woke up then i hid inside at jered house and highligthed my hair.after that i waited till it got dark and we went swimming under the star lit sky it was awsome because we were in the hottub and everyone even his anyoing little half brother left us alone for ..awile..we broke into the weight room and i excersized yay i love shit like that i told them all the machines were like a freaken playground for me lol ya but what i said i wouldent do with him i did again.i cant stop myself i cant resist love

i dont know why. i mean i found out my ex boyfreind finaly got over me. i feel bad a little that it took him so long but yet im still happy .its weird. but ya im weird so i guess it makes scince

alone in the world



every thing i ever did

i thought i new wat i was doing

but it turns out in the end

i never new how i was doing it

i cause so much pain

and so much sorrow

i might as well never fallow you

i might as well stay in the same spot

i should stay there and never get up

because no matter wat i do i will hurt you

no matter wat i do i will fall

and you will end up using my darkest fears against me

and you will then have your turn at hurting me

i got a call from a freind telling me to go to gameexchange to hang with her and jarod. so being ok with it i went. i stayed there for 5 hours doing nothing absolutly nothing the shit i do for jarod..and trish. i bougth some icecream and shared it with trish cus she got my iecream yesterday after i walked for 1 hour and 2 minutes to see them. only to be ditched by jarod.

well i just got home and im tired but im not ging to sleep im in to much paint o lay down i screwed my knee up again a few days ago and it just gets worse but of course i dont let it heal i continue to walk on it.like yesterday .well im going to stop here .........bye

so today..well actualy yesterday..i walked for an hour and 2 minutes to go see the guy i like i said i wouldent chase him and i didnt he called me wanting me to meet him somewhere so i went to the place and we hung out for awhile i exspected to hang out with him for longer than i did because he is usaly at that place till closing time like 10 pm..well he got a call from his freind she wanted to go to the movies at about 7..he went along leaving me ..not only me but are freind alone ..no where to go nothing to do not to meniton no way of getting a ride home ..hes the only one i knew with a phone..luckely my freind knew where i could go to use there phone..im sick of him exspecting me to do anyting for him..he wont get what he wants anymore