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Well after hearing about gracess most likey break up with tood. i found out that vinnies phone is not new and that its johns and that he had three,. and of cores the punk ' can not call on any of it so another piece of the never ending puzzle .



then grace and i discgued how he is not comeing out for many reasons because of his family beciase of what ever how he uses people and leads em on and so on and even his pending marrige or could be one in other words he ant comeing out and i am just tyrd of holding my self back ad in the closet and i could go on but i made my point im done. end.



ps i could go on and on but i learnd no matter what he is going to be like this and i can not handle it so i need to let go,. and besides maybe just maybe can make it work with daycon but time will tell.

GUESS WHAT BILLY TOLD me that john is marrying his gf which is just so greet; not . and he finly did it he hurt me to where i just am done and i hate him he ant comeing out and if he loves me or cares about me he is not showing it right and he wont come out and i am done he hurt me finlyy to the last straw and i am done i can not take it any more i feel liek crying i feel like dieing and i am glad i am not teling him about the real me and maybe he dose care and love me but he wont be with me . and he cant date me and he is marrying some one esle so f him and told said a hole bunch of things that is true sadly and yet i belive acal but in ay case he can't or wont be with me for what ever reason and i can not take this pain any more i am sad and hurt and i feel lost and so on so there you go.

well grace knows jake is john and apirl is right and ist out and yet another person knows the truth and i hate it ' and i am realizne john is bi or gay and a closet case a mess a lier and what ever esle and i need to move on no matter graces motivs for it i know she and every one esle is right ' and the sad thing is its doing noting much hurting me i love him but i hate him also and the wold world knows but yet he thinks he is folling one and all and just useing excuses for every thing so the truth is i am getting tryd of this and i need to end it or get him to see what is up. ect.



and ps true to what apirl said grace thinks she trund him this way and so on. so what ever and no matter her motivs for her saying he wont elaev anyone for me' and gods know what esle i need to end it or if he dsoe what i wnat fine but i dobut it an di am just fed up so what ever and also i called him we talket i ask hm what he doing he said he is bust tonight i said i need to talk and i said when can he ahng out he said i will cheak my shedguel and so on and i left it at that if he dont get back to me ian reasonabil time i am just done hell i a m done now so f him and i am threw.

As i am hnaging with grace and told and todd was talking to me about john and his issues and and how he treets women and his issues with casy and gods know what esle and then he said i don't care if he lkes men and women and or what not and meaning all the issuses he had growing up and baslily todd could tell how i feel for him lookng in to me and so on and what not and saying ti takes tow to make something happend and i am lke damn trying to denie it i am like wow and then after a whle blly told e he lives in pa and john and missy are liveing or going to live there because his mom is lke he has no job and so on. and is kicking him ut and billy invited him to come u there but if he dose not get a job he will kick him out and so on so i see jon had no instion of telling me ' and this is greet man he just hurts me more for a man that may or may not love me or may have feelings for me he treets me like dirt and i hate and love him i just need to really figre this out and so on. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr the end for now. ps basilcy every one knows even some one who more or less dose not like him knows he is a friut ect.