The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

A woman entered a pawn shop and asked to see a pistol. She then asked fir sime bullets. Loading the gun, she ordered the pawn broker to empty out the cash register. But then she said. i have an even greater urge.Get in the back room! there she ordered him to disrobe and began having sex with him. She got so involved that she dropped the gun. For gods sake, lady, he said, pick it up. My wife is due anytime now!

A company, feeling it's time for a shake-up, hires Marvin as new CEO. as the new boss, he's determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, he notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and Marvin wants to let them know he means business. He walks up to the guyand asks , And how much do you make a week?

the young fellow looks at him and replies, i make $300 a week why?

Marvin hands the guy $300 in cash and screams, Heres a weeks pay, now get out and never come back!

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, Marvin looks around the room and asks, Does anyone want to tell me what do goof-off did here?

One of the workers answers, He's the pizza delivery guy.

After the annual office Chridtmas-party blowout, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouth, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffe in front of him.

Louise, he moaned, tell me, what went on last night?was it as bad as i think?

Even worse, she assured him in her most scournfulvoice. You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in anatagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face. You said, He's an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him! And you did, all over his suit. and he fired you.

Well, fuck him, said john.

i did. Your' back at work on monday.

The beer company held a contest to select a slogan for there new beer they had just developed. They advertised all over and recieved thousands of submisions.

The panel of judges finally settled on one particular entry------love on a lake.

The president of the company said, i like the name but im puzzled as to how the contest selected this name. If he can explain the meaning, i'll be happy to award the prize to him.

When asked for the explanation, the winner responded, Well, love on a lake is fucking close to water, and thats what this beer taste like!