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I look down at my scars. Then I look out the window. I am almost recovered. I might not have a smile but I am recovered. When I touch my heart I can feel the cracks in it. If I move to quickly it shatters and the pieces fall all over the ground. Then I'll have to sew them up with my tears. I'm hanging by a thread but I am holding on strong. I know I am alone. It scares me, to know no one is there. And when I mean by this there is no one in arms distance. No one. The snow begins to fall and I can feel the pain. I can feel the blanket around my heart. Oh, the cold blanket of snow. I'll never be the same and it seems to me like he is unphased. One cannot be so happy like he, after doing something that hurt them unless it was something the desired. I honestly don't know what to believe. I can't trust myself and my thoughts. I can't trust my heart because it brought me to this pain this stillness.



Stillness, it's not nothingness. It's just that everything is still. I feel emotion but they're slow... so slow. I am stuck here not moving. All I wish for is for him to talk to me, to just tell me that he is ok that he will be, that I will be ok, and that I meant something. That's all I need to hear from him, all I need to feel better.



He asked me if we could still be friends until a time where we get back together in the future. Yes, I will still be his friend. I will still be there by his side. Even if I still have these feelings for him. I'll still be his friend. It's just he has to approach me, softly. I'm still hurting. It's just so painful to think of someone you love very much as just a friend after being through so much. I thought of him so very highly. But he's not ready for me and I'll wait for him if I have to. All I ask of him is to just take a couple deep breathes, stop thinking that I hate him if he thinks so, and try understand my pain, my cluelessness. Trust me I want myself to stop hurting just as much as he does, did. I just wish he could hear me, my prayers.

I'm going far away from my home... well I hope. Yes, I am technically classified as "homeless". One of the many reasons I am going to a homeless shelter. Gosh, I messed with my life enough. I am just thankful I am doing something that is good for me. I mean I will possible be gone for about two years. I will miss everything up here but I wont want it back, I hate it here... but I still miss it. I have family by my side... I have my circle... and I have my friends (I'll explain my ranks of people I know). I am going to get through. Many people are saying I can and that I am strong. I thank them for there support... I will need it. Now I hope my guardians watch over me and protect me from destruction and sadness... to help me fully get over my ex. But mostly keep me strong, to keep the blood fresh in my veins, and come back stronger and better before.