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vampirewitch's Journal


vampirewitch's Journal

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2 entries this month

 

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

05:51 Oct 07 2016
Times Read: 397








The One That Got Away







It’s been years since the last time I thought of finding the perfect girl. My whole life I have searched for my true love, my soul mate, and my other half. I have always dreamed of finding her and starting a whole new life with her by my side. For years I have searched for her, but every time I thought I succeeded, I knew I have failed because the girl just wasn’t the one for me. Everyday I told myself that she’s out there somewhere, all alone in this dark cruel world. I know I’ll find her one-day, but until that day comes I’ll keep searching for her.



Throughout middle school I once thought I have found her at last, but it wasn’t the one who was my perfect match. It hurts me deeply, because every time that I’m not with her I feel so empty and useless inside. Last time I ever thought about looking for my true love was throughout middle school. Now it’s my sophomore year and I only have three more years of school and I know that it means I don’t have enough time to search for my love. I know that she’s around her in this town, but the problem is that I don’t know where she is.



One day a girl accidently bumped into me and of course she said her apologizes, but I felt so drawn to her, that’s when I knew that I have finally found her. She was short, beautiful, that it made me feel so drawn to her that not even words can express how I felt right then and there. I knew her from middle school and back then I used to like her, but I was to embarrass. She and I started to talk more, after running into her at a guitar concert later on this year. She was always there for me like any good friend would do.



The day of my brother’s graduation, I was so depressed to the point where I thought I shouldn’t even exist. My best friend told me to stay strong and don’t do anything stupid. After she cheered me up, she finally admitted that she liked me. It had me thinking that she didn’t really need me, but I knew that I needed her in my life. So I decided to ask her if she wanted to be with me and to my surprise she said “ Yes’’. She made me realize that I didn’t need to worry about finding her no more, because she was already mine and that made me happy. I wouldn’t know where or what I’d be without her by my side.



Sadly it ended, because I never had the guts to tell her about my condition and I could’ve died. I know she felt hurt and all alone. After months of being alone, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. We did end up together again, but it still didn’t last for long. After the second time of going out, we had stopped talking to each other.



On my junior year, we started to talk again and for some reason that made me happy. One night she wanted to give up on life, that worried me. I tried talking it through with her, but she just kept telling me to hang up the phone. All she wanted was to go to her little sister who had passed away when she was young. I can tell that she was tired of life, but I kept begging her not to give up. My brother wanted to talk to her, he ended up reasoning with her. I thanked my brother for helping me out with the situation. As long as she’s alive and breathing then I’m happy. I know that she and I may not get back together, but as long as she and I are friends then nothing else matters.

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LIFE OF LIES

05:39 Oct 07 2016
Times Read: 399








It all started in a small town called Georgetown. In that town lived a girl named Liana Garcia. A teenager with black hair and eyes dark as night. She was always alone no matter where she went, always getting picked on. She grew up never understanding the meaning of life. She started giving up on everything, knowing no one would understand how she felt inside. The only thing she didn’t understand is, what happened to her when she was just a little girl? At the age of ten, she asked her mother why she keeps telling the doctor that they got her when she was three years old. Her mother looked her straight in the eyes one day and asked if she really wanted to know. Liana answered with a nod and her mom told her that her Uncle and Aunt, Leo and Claire were her real parents. On that day, she also found out that the people who raised her were her uncle and aunt. Ever since she was taken away from her real parents they have been her guardians. Leo and Claire were drug addicts and alcoholics, because of that they were in a car accident. Did they not know that if they weren’t drunk or high on crack then their little girl wouldn’t have had a fractured skull? Her father was taken to a hospital in a helicopter while her mother took off with the child instead of heading towards the hospital.

Ever since liana found out about her real parents she’s been trying to find out more information about the lies her whole family told her.



One day she thought she was better off dead, knowing nobody would even care until she met him. A boy named James Leonor, an honor student whose life is as perfect as hers. When their eyes met she knew she felt a spark. That day when she was going to give her life away god sent her an angel from the heavens above. The following day he noticed her crying and asked what the matter was. When she told him that her grandfather had passed that day, he felt sorry and didn’t know what to do. So on the day of the funeral, he surprised her when he showed up. That’s when she felt the spark again and knew that he was something worth staying alive for. A couple months later she and James got closer than ever, always counting on each other. He gave her a meaning for life. Whenever she was letting go of hope he was there to bring it back. He told her that he once lived here in Georgetown before he moved to Los Angeles. So she listened to his story and when he told her that he met a girl like her, little did she know that in the past they actually met? Two years went passed until the day he didn’t go to school because of a dentist appointment. He always made sure they kept in touch whenever they weren’t together. By then they were a couple, she never thought a guy like him would be in love with a girl like her. The day James wasn’t there she felt all lonely even though she made friends it didn’t feel the same without James. Later on, that day she received horrible news that made her feel like how she felt before she met James. James brother Zak told her that when they went to the dentist they have given James medicine to fall asleep so they can do their job. A when Zak left the dentist with James in the passenger seat they were hit by a semi. Then Liana knew that something happened to the love of her life. She didn’t even bother letting Zak finish because she already knew that James didn’t survive the crash. Even though with the tragic loss of her boyfriend she made a promise to never leave this world.



So day by day she tried moving on and eventually she did. Kids at school continued to make fun of her and she no longer cared. So what she did became something different. She started getting in trouble with everybody, she just gave up. She dated other guys, but never felt the same way she did when she was with James. A she hated that she couldn’t get him off her mind. Later on, she discovered that she had a little sister named May. Yet when she tried asking if it was true, all that her family members did was just say it wasn’t true. She knew three people who would tell her anything she wanted to know and like always they did. Now she knows that she’s not able to know any of this information until she’s eighteen. Ever since the tragic, she has been changing her emotions. It wasn’t until last year when she started to feel a whole different person.She met this one guy who changed her, who showed her a whole different meaning to live. He’s the smart type of guy and she wanted to know more about him. So they started talking and eventually tried going out, but it never really worked out. They would have problems like ex-girlfriends and spending more time together. So, in the end, they broke up, but she didn’t know what was wrong with her. For some reason, she couldn’t get him out of her head. She just didn’t understand what was going on. She thought if she tried forgetting him then she wouldn’t be as confused. Yet, it didn’t really happen, they started talking more and more. For some reason they kept going out, then again it still didn’t work out. It wasn’t until summer when they gave it one last shot, so far it hasn’t been so bad. Noticing that the feelings inside and the confusion she’s been feeling is because she’s in love with him. Then it happens, she gets a flashback and starts to bring herself down. She starts to worry, doesn’t even know if he actually feels the same about her.





By then school has already started and now that she’s a sophomore. She only has two more years of school then she’ll end up graduating. So yet again she and her boyfriend have been on and off, but the only thing she doesn’t worry about is the pain. She might feel hurt, but it's only puppy love and it's only high school. She knows she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. No matter what it takes she’ll do anything to stay with him. All girls need a happy ending and she wants him to have one too. She no longer has to worry about things that run through her mind. Nowadays the kids no longer pick on her and she grew up knowing how to take care of herself. She no longer has friends now she has sisters and brothers that she didn’t grow up with. She has forgotten about the past and moved on. She knows that in the future hell might break loose about the truth of her childhood and she doesn’t mind. As long as the people who she loves are there with her she no longer needs to be worried.





Months have passed by and things haven’t gone the way she wanted them to. Liana and her boyfriend have been dealing with complications. They have been on and off for quite a while and after the third time they dated they broke up she knew that it was never meant to be. Things also got worst with her family fighting over money. Her grades in school continued to be decreasing. Her teachers know she’s a good and nice student. They just don’t understand why her grades are so low, they tried giving her tutoring, but the only thing that is a problem is the transportation. Since she lives out of town, they only drop u off at the closest elementary school to your home. So she tries her best in classes, even if it means trying to ignore her friends.

Liana hasn’t been herself since the last break up. To her he was her everything, but she only broke up with him because he wasn’t acting like the way he was every day. It hurts her more than anything, yet she only did it so that he can clear his mind. She never intended to hurt him, she only thought what was best for him. Day after day she tries getting him off her mind but it seems like wherever she goes or hears it reminds her of him. Even in each of her dreams he’s always there, it’s like a complete nightmare. Except that this morning she finally forgotten about her ex until one of her closest friends brings him up and that’s when hell breaks loose. So she tries talking to him once again, but it was completely useless, the way he was acting was the same reason why she broke up with him in the first place. It kills her inside every time she sees him, but she knows nothing good is going to come out from the awkwardness between them two. So what she tried doing was to make sure he smiles once in awhile.





To Liana it’s only about to see others happy, honestly, she can careless about herself. Though, if someone tells her not to do anything to herself then she won’t. She would do anything just to see any person smile, but that might be why she has friends in the first place. They know she would never turn her back on them and would never spread rumors about them. Her whole life she has been loyal to her friends never in her life has she betrayed her friends. The only thing she dislikes is when the people she stood up for would spread rumors and have her friends turn on her. Once that happens she loses trust and respect for that person. What she doesn’t like is when a person would leave all her/his friends to be friends with a person who backstabbed that person.





One day liana asked a girl for her opinion on a paperwork she was writing. When the girl was finished she told her that it was very touching, that it reminded her of someone she once knew. Later on, liana was thinking about the conversation she was having with the girl. Then it hit her, she wanted to add people that had similar problems in life to her paperwork. So she thought about how the girl had problems with her ex and wondered if she could add this to her paperwork. Love is just a form of mental derangement, though liana is always stuck on believing what love truly means. Sometimes when a person is in a relationship, they wish they were able to read each other's mind to know how they truly feel. Some girls wonder why they feel so distanced away from the ones they love. That reminded Liana of how she felt when she broke up with her boyfriend. Even though she knows that he’s the one who holds the key to heart no matter what. It’s weird that whenever she’s not with her boyfriend, she feels empty inside. Yet, when their together she can’t wipe the smile off her face.









The worst feeling liana ever experienced in the past was the pain. Every time she lost someone she loved, it was like a knife piercing her heart. She would always blame herself for not being there or able to do anything to help that person. Back then she didn't know how to get rid of the pain within her. So what she did was cry until she no longer was able to describe the pain. To liana, now the pain was nothing more than a sting of a needle. She doesn't give in to the weakness nor does she expresses or at least try. Unless she shows it as acting, until then she still doesn't believe in such things.the way liana gets stronger is by not giving in or letting petty things get to her.She wants to be a strong example for the other people she loves the most. Though sometimes when she cries herself to sleep is because she’s either being haunted by the past or is struggling not to give into the pain buried inside.







Liana doesn't really understand when a person tells a person to keep a secret between them,but then goes telling the whole world. Everyone has secrets, but that doesn't mean that you can go running your mouth.Honestly, some people should be careful on who they trust. Liana once knew a girl who’s mother told her a secret as an example to not do the same thing she did as a child. So the child stayed quiet but knew what her mother was trying to explain to her. Until one day they both got into an argument in front of some guest and the child used that secret against her own mother. Since then, her mother no longer used her passed as an example for her daughter. Never knowing if she’ll use it against her. The point is, if you have a secret to tell, then tell a person you can truly trust. Never tell a person who will only use it as a treat or a gossip. Liana never trusts anyone, until then she’ll just keep it to herself.





Everyone says being the only child is the best thing there is to be. Liana never thought that way, she always thought the opposite. She always wanted to grow up being a big sister or a little sister, to her it never mattered. She didn’t care as long as she didn't grow up alone. Yet, unfortunately for her she did, she would've grown up to be a big a big sister, but when she was just a toddler her little sister passed away. Ever since she found out that she actually had a sister and that she wasn't able to grow up with her side by side. She really hated it when people say that they wish to be the only child. Just because they get to be the center of attention and get what they want. To most of the children's and teenagers, they don't feel the same as what most kids want. Some are indeed the center of attention but some just feel so bored and lonely. For crying out loud the kids who grew up being all alone would do anything just to be with someone to play with. Kids now and days just get annoyed, but little do they know that they should be grateful that they grew up with someone by their side while others didn't.







Sometimes Liana wonders why she bothered wasting her time on things that never really mattered. She thinks that some things are worth fighting for, but in reality they're not. If a girl were to do cruel things to her over a guy, while Liana is dating him then she wouldn’t even continue the relationship. Some teenagers believe they're in love, including Liana, but we all have our whole life to find a special someone. Finding the special someone doesn’t mean it has to be someone from high school. It’s just that in high school, we have feelings for one specific person and we want to be a couple. Even when some girls get pregnant, the child’s father never stays. Though, some parents did marry their high school sweetheart. The point is that we shouldn’t rush ourselves when we still haven’t made it to adulthood. Once we graduate high school, then we can worry about who we want to be with for the remainder of our lives.



Sometimes kids bully other kids and it usually starts when they're in elementary. Liana has gotten bullied all her life and never has she let it get to her. Ok, maybe just a little. Before liana moved to Georgetown she lived in Killeen, Texas. Throughout the entire time she lived there she has never gotten bullied. Though it all changed when she moved. At first, liana thought it was because she was the new kid, but it really was about the way she acted. Even if she tried being nice to the bullies they would just continue picking on her. In middle school liana got fed up with all the bullying and stood up for herself and for others. Even today liana stands up for the kids who get bullied in school. She just doesn’t understand why the kids bully each other. What do they get out of it, popularity, respect, thinking they're all big and bad? Liana just hopes that one-day bullying can actually stop.









Liana knows that she made mistakes throughout her life, but sometimes the mistakes that she did, did ruin a friendship. She just doesn’t understand why her friends get upset. She knows they care and don’t want to see her get hurt, but they need to know that people need to learn from their mistakes they made. I know that her friends are disappointed in her, but she just wished that her friends could just let her be. The only thing that’s useful about making a mistake is that you learn something from it. For example, every time liana was in a relationship and they broke up. She would know that not to get attached to that person until know how they truly are.



Not everyone is really who they say they are. For example, not all smiles are real. Some are just a disguised to make their friend think their happy outside, but in reality, they're just dying inside. Some friends go and some stay by your side throughout your life. True friends wouldn’t care you date as long as you're happy. That’s one thing that is important in a friendship. It doesn’t matter what a person does, but happiness is a key to a lock. You can’t be sad your whole life unless you want to live in complete misery. Everyone needs to be happy, even if it’s just for a little while. As for liana, as long as she sees her friends happy then she has nothing to worry about.



Throughout lianas life she realized the she was never really what her parents wanted her to be. Since she would always get in trouble and break every single rule. She never would’ve been like the way she is if they didn’t move from Killeen. Ever since they moved to Georgetown she’s been bullied. She never told her parents, because to her, they never would’ve believed her anyways. Until one day she got in trouble and her mom told why she’s acting the way she is. So she told her mom the reason why, but she knew it was useless. She already knew her mom would only count her reason as an excuse to get out of trouble. So that’s why she doesn’t really tell her parents anything. She knows that it don’t matter what she says or that she tries to give proof, her parents still won’t believe her. She never gave up on her parents, but sometimes she feels like her parents gave up on her. All she ever wanted was them to be proud of her. She just hopes that one day they would be proud of their girl.







Everyone says they can’t wait to graduate even liana admits that. Though, what do we get out of it? Freedom from our parents, late night parties, no rules to obey or even doing whatever the hell we wanted. That’s what liana thought would happen and honestly, she’s looking forward to it. One day she was laying down while working on her paperwork when out of nowhere thoughts erupted in her mind. She started to wonder, where she’d go. What would she do? What’s really out in the world? What’s going to happen? The good part is that she still has to more years until she has to worry about that.







Thoughts have been getting to liana again and she hates it. she wonders, what is the point in being alive? Honestly, she could careless about herself, but she cares more for others. The only reason she's still breathing is because she knows there are people who care for her. Whenever she's on the edge of giving up, her friends are there to make sure she doesn't. She doesn't understand why she didn’t die, but her little sister did. Even at the darkest moments her friends always asked her what was the matter. Liana always loved that about her friends, because that reminds her of how lucky she is to have friends like that.





Everyday Liana thanks god for giving her another to be with her loved ones. Even though sometimes she doesn’t want anything to deal with life, she still thanks him. She knows that if she were ever to leave this world it would affect someone's life. She knows that it would get to them and involve a serious amount of damage to their life. She experienced this every time she went to a funeral and also she could feel the pain within her. Every time she gets a thought like that in her mind she reminds herself about the promise she made. Liana never liked making promises, but sometimes you have to take the risk. No matter what it takes Liana struggles with the pain within her. It doesn’t matter how much it takes to keep the pain buried inside, she will never give in.





Liana never really liked people who lied to her. If she were ever to be lied to by her friends, she would ignore them. Though, it depends on how much damage they did to her. The way things work with Liana is that she’ll forgive you for the mistake you made, but she would never forget. Once a person loses Lianas trust it takes her a while to finally trust them again. Though, Liana never really did trust anyone other than the person she made a promise to long ago. Yet, when he left this world she never trusts anyone since. She knows that she can,but she just doesn’t know what to believe. It's taken years for a person to actually earn her trust.





She knows that one day everyone who’s been there for her will soon be gone. All her friends will go their separate ways, including her boyfriend. Though, the problem with a sophomore dating a junior is that she knows he’s going to be graduating the following year.She knows is going to break her heart when he leaves, but she's used to people leaving her. It’s nothing new, though, yeah it might kill her, but everyone has to go their separate ways throughout life. What she doesn’t understand is why she feels like it doesn’t bother her now. When next year it’s going to affect her feelings.



People doesn’t understand why Liana cries over a song. Yet, to her it’s not just any song, Liana is addicted to music. Once she puts in the earbuds, she lets herself relax and escape reality. Every song that she has ever liked or any song that she listened to has a meaning. People doesn’t understand that everyone has a specific song that gets to them, reminds them of a past event or even expresses how they feel that very moment. That’s why Liana has so many different playlists on her devices. It doesn’t matter to her what she listens to as long as it fits her mood.





People shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. For example, when a person misjudges another person for something they really aren’t. If a person doesn’t truly know a person that well then they shouldn’t be calling them things that’s not true. In middle school kids would call Liana names that weren't necessary. They started calling her one of those emos kids, just because she always wore black. Back then Liana only wore black because she really disliked the color yellow. To Liana, she doesn’t think that people really understand what the word emo means. Emo doesn’t mean that we always wear black, don’t worship satan, aren’t evil, are not always depressed, can truly be happy, actually have feelings like everyone else, are usually nice people once you get to know them, are normal, and most of all emo doesn’t mean that you cut. Emo is just a label just like jocks, geeks, nerds,preps, and outsiders.





Liana thought that sometimes being friends with a person, who’s always alone, would be able to heal their heart. She never liked seeing anyone all alone, even when everyone deserves to be friends with someone who can understand how he or she feels. What kills liana inside is when some of her friends say that they deserve to die and that they were never meant to exist in the first place. Liana always told everyone that if they were never meant to exist, then why are they here in the first place? They might think that they were never important to anyone, but they should at least know that they always meant something special to Liana. That’s why Liana never had any friends, because the people, who she always hung out with, were truly her family.





There was nothing more important to liana other than taking care of her family. Her family meant the world to her; she wouldn’t know what to do if something were to happen to any of them. To her, family comes first and that means the school doesn’t matter. Of course, education is the first important thing in every person’s life, but to her, it’s the second thing that matters. If anyone was to hurt or threat one of her family members than she would do anything to make sure they’re safe. It doesn’t matter what kind of trouble she gets herself into, as long as no one hurts her family, then she has nothing to worry about.





Liana was always insecure whether it was about trust, love, friendship or even honesty. Her friends always wondered why she would ask questions repeatedly, but she only did that to know whether she can trust them. Some even get mad just for a simple question,but maybe she was just wondering how much they cared about her. Everyone wishes that they could read other people’s mind. It would make it so much easier to understand how they feel.





Days have passed and liana thought everything was going great . she was happy even at the moments of sorrow or disappointment. Liana always held her head up high and kept walking forward. Maybe, that’s why her friends assumed that she was strong and brave, well on their point of view. Liana hardly showed any weakness, but in reality she was happy on the outside though no one really knows that she dying on the inside. Somehow it makes her want to disappear from this fake world, because to her nothing is what it seems.







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