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tommorow i have to go to ellsworth for a follow up eye appointment. off and on since last summer i had been having trouble with my left eye.i woukd have days where i could see nothing at all,no color,some color,shadows,etc etc. ever since i last went to them in december it has been slowing getting better. some color coordination is back as well as seeing details. i also wanted to go to strawberry's music and video afterwards to get this soundtrack i wanted but mom wont because she says she doesnt have the money! i cant count the times that my folks have used that exscuse on me. it is getting sickening. they say they dont but then they will spend 20 dollars buying gas or some other not as important fool thing. the shitheads!and to make things ever better my mom wants to go and spend the night at my grandparents house. this sounds mean but i hate them! they never want to do anything except sit around the house and when they arent doing that they are pissing me off. they always make fun of my music,clothes,hair,friends,lifestyle etc and say to my mom things like is she on drugs or better yet the good one you let her go out in public like this boy if she was my kid and thank god i am not! i wish i could choose my family.where my grandparents live is so boring too! no cable tv, no other kids my age in the neigborhood,cant go out anywhere unless someone goes with me and i could go on....!!!!what does my mom see in it all? me? i see a bunch of old farts,fags,and pitiful exscuses for human beings.i like where i live better. it may not be bigger but at least more things happen,there are kids my age,cable tv,and i have more reasonable cufew and am able to hang out with friends! i won't be back home until thursday from that little okay not so little niche of hell until thursday.maybe i should carry a pistol and shot myself thru the foot or head in case it gets even worse than it does everytime i go up there.