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This poem is for you. My beloved friends and family. Notice, I did not say "From the Rave."

This is because you truly are my family- much more so than my biological family.

You know who you are because I have sent you a message.

Please DO NOT share with anyone else who you are- no need to start trouble.

This is a very personal poem for me as a poet, and I do hope you find out why. The words I write are simple. Have been used over and over for centuries. But this time, the words are for you and only you.

Arranged a certain way to make a statement in what I hope is more than words, if that makes sense...

Also, just because I didnt send you a message doesnt mean you arent under my protection and love. That is very important.



Thank you, and dark blessings to ALL

S.

(Okay, now for our regularly- scheduled catastrophy of me trying to make sense..!)





Please.

Just close your eyes.

Lay back, and do not fret

II will be here when you wake, and forever after.



I will protect you.

I will guide and lead you.

You can trust me. I have sworn myself to stand by your side.

I will defend you. I am your guardian.

I'm strong enough for this. I know it.



I know because this is what I was born for.

You.

You're the reason I am still living.

The reason I am different.



You're the reason I feel so distant from my biological family. You are the reason I fight with them every night. The reason I feel like a stranger in my own house. Why I feel so alone. So trapped. You are the reason why I feel so damn vulnerable here.

Thank you.



Thank you for making me who I am.

You need to know how much you mean to me. The negatives, well, those I can deal with. Because you're helping me with it. Just talking to me- telling me you care for me.

I have been incorrected because of you. That is the greatest thing anyone has ever done for me.



You.

You're the reason I am different.

The reason I'm not perfect.

The reason I have dignity.

the reason I am not damaging my body.

The reason I'm insane.

Why I laugh.

Why I cry.

Why I hate.

Why I love.

Envy.

Destroy.

The reason I am still holding onto it.

Guess what. I wouldn't change it for the world.



So come here, please.

Let me wrap my arms around you. I couldn't bare to let anything happen to you.

Know why? Because you are a part of who I am.

A part of my soul is.

When you cry, I cry. When you laugh, I laugh.

We are connected. Intertwined.



If I change, I lose you.

I couldn't.

You dont hold me back, though. You push me forward- straight into your arms.



But you need me, just like I need you.

Come on.

We can stay here.

We could just stay here.



I will cherish you.

Save you, protecting you and letting you lean on me. I would throw myself in front of the damned bullet for you.

And I mean it.



We are together until the end and beyond into the next life.

You have a place in my heart. If you walk away, you take my heart with you.



Please take care of me.

I will do the same for you. We're more than a team, and we both know it.



So close your eyes.

Lay back, and do not fret.

I will be here when you wake, and forever after.

COMMENTS

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LordWolf
04:20 Nov 17 2009

wow...just...wow...



i hope your secret family knows just how amazingly lucky they are to have one so passionate and deep feel for them so deeply.



your words can take ones breath away...i wish i could read the journals of the ones you mention.

~W~

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typeopositive
13:03 Nov 20 2009

*sighs* you take me to another world with your kindness. indeed you are my one true angel, my guiding light in the dark night. i cherish you like a precious stone, caressing it and loving it every day. you amaze me every day,Sis. i love you forever

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You you, and me, We were made for each other.

We are perfect, just as we are.

We're strong.

We're smart.



We all have skills that identify us as who we are.



You.

You're the one that brought us all together. You were the first to remember. The other two of us will always look up to you. We are learning from you. You would give anything to see us safe. You protect and care for us. You are beloved for so many reasons, I often wonder if you truly know just how much you mean to each of us.



You.

You may be far, but you feel so close to the two of us. You give me your advice, your energy, and your time. We share dreams and purely relaxing conversations. You help me see the clear results. We laugh, joke. We have clicked so instantly, it has me counting my dark blessings. When I talk with you, I am able to finally let go.



You, you, and me.

Countless tears.

Unforgetable laughs.

Cherished love.

Three hearts.

Three spirits.

Many lives.

One family.

COMMENTS

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typeopositive
12:38 Nov 15 2009

AMAZING !!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST LIKE YOU

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LordWolf
03:55 Nov 16 2009

how very beautiful. if a single emotion runs thru this, i would have to say that "emotion" is ...

eternity.

~W~

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LordWolf
03:59 Nov 16 2009

i had meant to say that i sense great joy in your words as well.

~W~

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So many different emotions swirling around me. A different coil of the snake for each one.



Hurt.

Confusion.

Denial.

Hurt.

Betrayal.

Hurt.

Depression.

Expression.

Difference.

Hurt.

Lies.

Hurt.



I'm confused. How could she not see what was right in front of her face? How could they think I dont understand?

I do. I'm smarter and stronger than they know.

But I'm also weaker than they know. Weaker than I dare let them know.

Everything makes sense, but nothing is truthful.

They never mean it.

But thats wrong with me, isnt it?

I am always promised that everything will be okay, but it never will be.

I never will be.



There is only one way to make everything better, and that's a thousand miles away.

exhausted.

I'm sick and tired of this.



So, im done. I didnt give up, but I did the riskiest card there is.

I walked away.

I mentally moved myself from this issue in the form of a therapist.



Away, and into a whole new ugly picture. It is filthy here.

Disgusting.

No matter where I walk from or to, there will always be glass and hot coals in the way. Every inch of sweet, soft dirt that ever was is replaced with pain and suffering. Every trace of anything that might mean relief was gone ten years ago when we moved here.



*my real emotions. In black and white, right here.*

COMMENTS

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typeopositive
18:06 Nov 07 2009

I am sorry for your pain. I wish nothing but happiness for you. All they can manage to give you is pain. You are not alone. Ever. Therapy isnt all bad. I promise. There is a greater time coming. You just have to wait it out. Be strong, never let them know,S , that one day you wont be there for them to push around. You WILL be free. you will. Hang in there. call me, email me, text me, whatever you need, any time. i will be there. *hugs*

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LordWolf
07:15 Nov 08 2009

i think ive told you this before, but just in case i didnt...



do you know how steel is made?

iron is fairly soft at first...then it is put into the fire...heated till it seems it will melt...then impurities are sprinkled on the tortured iron...and it is beaten...beaten and twisted and beaten again.

once the soothing water is poured over the tortured metal, it becomes hard...capable of great beauty...but also capable of becoming a very graceful, elegant weapon.



i see a great deal of iron within you. you have many ordeals, but there are those of us that are here for you to lean on. we are here for you.

~W~

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