I admit it!23:12 Jan 07 2010
Times Read: 559
I can no longer keep running from those stupid emotions. I can't heal if i can't stand up to them. I can't let go, and I can't just give in either. I have only ever loved one person in my life and that's why it's so hard putting up with anyone else. My friends seem to understand, but they don't seem to realize how I feel like each day I'm dying.
I wish that I could be less melodramatic, but it's true. I feel as if I am slowly breaking into pieces that try to function and fail. Arthur wasn't perfect, but he made me feel whole for the most part. When the wall started to build we didn't know how to handle it. It's not like I had any experience with a serious relationship. He's told me that if we got together he would want what was in the past, but realizes we could never had that.
My thoughts are that we can be better than our past selves. I don't bottle like I used too, which would certainly help in taking care of our problems. I know how to cherish someone better, and since I am balancing my life better I am certainly sure that I could take him on. Yet, this is all up to him.
I realize that things were really messed up in the past, but I have to take up my own end of the bargain. I can't just walk around acting like a broken object. I also can't just say 'I loved him and still do, just differently.' I love him the same way I did a long time ago. When I say I'm over him, I'm just over the past. I don't give a damn that things were so messed up.
I love Arthur however damaged, angry, destructive, sweet, powerful, intelligent, witty and charming he is. He has flaws as much as anyone else i have ever met, but I have always loved him for every last one of them. I hope that he can do the same for me, and somehow i think he does. I have had people say they love me, but I believe he's the only man that has ever meant it.
So. I admit it. I'm not over him and I can't get over him.
COMMENTS
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Fizbop
04:59 Jan 08 2010
You'll never forget him, but you will eventully move on to better things. That's what the hard part is.