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Well.... yesterday I got my very own laptop. I am so excited.



I am going to apply for a Pell Grant and then decide what I am going to do for school in the fall. I can't stay at the job I am currently at.

So.... my son Jesse turns 5 today, actually at 3:30 am this morning he did.



I wish he was still little at least for a while then I come to my senses.



I really hope his dad calls him to wish him a happy birthday today but with it being 3:33 cst and with him having school at 5 I highly doubt it.



He is having a birthday party on Saturday with family and hope he has fun.



I love you Jesse and wish you well in all that you do.



Love Mom.

COMMENTS

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ladySnowStrixx
21:39 Feb 17 2009

Happy Birthday Jesse ! I hope you have a great Day!

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Fizbop
22:36 Feb 17 2009

I can't call my phones are shut off and I can't pay the bills. But happy birthday Jesse.

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I can't wait until the digital transition is completed... I really hope that the place I work at can do this tomorrow evening and not in June.



Please dear god in heaven let the FCC say yes.

So... why is it when everything is sort of going okay the bottom falls out?



Why do parents always have to have that hold on you even though you are in your 30's. They make me feel like I don't know what I am doing and that I am not good enough.



It is coming on the 1 year mark of my brothers death and I swear they could care less that they have two daughters unless we do something they don't like. Now mind that it is mostly my dad.



My sister and I both had the feeling back when he died that it should have been one of us instead of him and now I have that feeling again.



I feel useless, unwanted, belittled and like I am back in junior/senior high school when I felt like ending things.



I wouldn't do anything now because I know my kids need me and love me because they tell me all of the time. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest and out in the open. I feel much better now.

We all have those days where we wish we were dead.



Today is one of those days for me



Something doesn't feel right and it all started this morning when I called my dad to ask a simple question and he bit my head off.



No one really cares and I don't care myself, if I didn't have my kids I think I would end it all.



My life just sucks.

COMMENTS

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erin88
23:43 Mar 08 2009

Don't think like that!

We love you!!! :)



You are one of the sweetest, kindest, nicest, honest people I know and have the pleasure of knowing :)



so... BAD JESSICA, BAD!!! :P

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Does anyone really care? Life is short...



Were born



We live



Then we die