tr1n1ty01's Vampire Journal | In the moment....

tr1n1ty01's Journal

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11 entries this month

← Jan 2013

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Yum!
21:57 Feb 25 2013
Times Read: 724

I know you guys know that I love to cook, a lot! Here is a picture of my spice cabinet. As of right now there is even a bit more in there if you can believe it. And this does not include my sauces, oils, vinegars, marinades, curries, and all sorts of other goodies that can be used to season... Plus the fresh stuff I grow all summer.

COMMENTS

supernova
00:17 Feb 26 2013

~drools~ culinary chef anyone?

JustinV
15:48 Mar 06 2013

I can't wait until we get into our house which has MAD amounts of cabinet space so I can arrange my stuff like this!

Capture the cat's...lol
14:29 Feb 22 2013
Times Read: 731

Trying to act casual, milling around but not too much. Not wanting to raise suspicion. I have to capture two cats and fight them into their carriers to take them for their dreaded yearly vet visit. I am glad it is only once a year.

COMMENTS

JustinV
15:48 Mar 06 2013

I never cease to be amazed how they wise up fast whenever we pull the claw clippers out. They make like low-riders and head out of town even we even SAY 'I think their claws are getting long.'

:D
22:18 Feb 17 2013
Times Read: 759

A couple had been married 15 years.

One afternoon they were working in the garden together.

As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, "Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet it's as big as the gas grill now."

The husband, feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yard stick, measured the grill and then measured his wife's butt.

"Yep", he said, "Just as I thought; just about the same size."

The wife got very angry and decided to let him do the gardening alone. She went inside and didn't speak to her husband the rest of the day.

That evening when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, "How about it honey? How about a little lovemaking?"

The wife rolled over and turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

She replied, "You don't think I am going to fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie, do you?"

Adult Jokes 18+

COMMENTS

Isis101
22:25 Feb 17 2013

OMG - Too damn funny! LOL!

dabbler
22:27 Feb 17 2013

Revenge served cold!

tr1n1ty01
22:32 Feb 17 2013

LOL!

HAWK2K
03:12 Feb 18 2013

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Good one!

LMAO!
22:52 Feb 15 2013
Times Read: 773

My First Condom

I recall my first time with a condom. I was 14. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Parchen's pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady (I think her name was Nola) knew what they were for.

She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.

I honestly answered, 'No, not really.'

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure

I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it were empty. It was. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' she asked. I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.

Then she beat the shit out of me....

Women have always been hard for me to figure out

COMMENTS

dabbler
01:48 Feb 16 2013

haha

Isis101
22:27 Feb 17 2013

LMAO!!! What a dumbass!

I am still alive...lol
22:10 Feb 11 2013
Times Read: 784

At this point, I have been up about 31 hours...lol I am actually functioning quite well. I ended up making a pot of chili with 4 beans, chunky bits of green pepper, onion and a pound of mushrooms, tomatoes and Boca crumbles. Lots o' seasonings!!! Nice and spicy, like I like it!

OK, I did have quite a few typos while writing this up...lol

COMMENTS

xxEmaeraldxx
23:14 Feb 11 2013

Sounds yummy. Eat the spelling errors!

supernova
23:55 Feb 11 2013

Yumyum!!! Now I'm hungry LOL:)

tr1n1ty01
00:15 Feb 12 2013

LOL> I guess at least I am still coherent enough to catch them...lol

LOL!
22:44 Feb 09 2013
Times Read: 799

Why I fired my secretary:

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,

"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,

"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!"

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.

She choose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.

We had two Martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,

"Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."

"Okay," I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake.

Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Sobbing...

Naked...

and erect.

COMMENTS

xxEmaeraldxx
22:47 Feb 09 2013

OMG hehehehe! Hilarious!

supernova
02:27 Feb 10 2013

Omg!!!!!hehehehehehe!!!!....now I spewed my coffee:P

GalenMarek
06:36 Feb 10 2013

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

:: tries to breathe ::

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Isis101
22:29 Feb 17 2013

LOL...I gotta' stop reading this shit...

TheArtistRose
23:40 Feb 17 2013

lmfao.

Does not fit me at all... Still think it is funny! LOL
21:49 Feb 07 2013
Times Read: 828

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed. If there is anyone who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something SO very wrong with you.

COMMENTS

shellsbells
22:15 Feb 07 2013

lmao so very true!

VRsZombie
22:35 Feb 07 2013

I didn't laugh.

I was married for 8.5 years and I never saw anything remotely close to this.

People who write shit like this must be stupid.

tr1n1ty01
00:13 Feb 08 2013

It is not meant to be funny to everyone. The funny part to me that it is stereotyping. Girls are NOT that prim and proper and guys are not as much of pigs like that. But I am sure someone falls into these two. And it could be the guy that separates the clothes and the girl who throws them down in a pile...lol