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I have seen that I am so confused that I will take anything I feel is relief, I love someone and yet I cant let myself go to be, I just want to feel loved and right like any girl somewhat similar to me wants, I though while lying up in bed that, i would stop being afraid and tell him how I felt, I felt so scared, it was a fear that I never really had to feel until now, I let my feelings go and I was so scared that he would accept them, and so scared that he wouldn't, I half wanted him to say yes but half of me wanted him more than anything to say no, I wasnt hopeful that he would accept me, we had a very strange journey to begin with, we were friends and then over the years became more, but I could bring myself to actually be with him in a sense that we were bf and gf, we were best friends that got way too close, and I still wonder why I dont want him to accept my feelings I should be happy that he is even considering them, am I lying to myself in telling him this, it feels right to tell him, I do love him, i love everything about him, but there is a part of me that just wont let him have me, what side should I listen to i have been going crazy thinking about it, I have tried to approach the situation in so many different ways and views, I am always stuck inside my head pacing back and forth, never going to make up my mind, I want him with all of my heart, but I also want him to never love me and see me that way ever again, But i know I can't live without him, I have tried once and it was the death of me, wat will happen now? Even I cant see where this situation is going eventhough I am the whole reason why this is happening

today when we were doing hands on palpation my muscles in my lower back and my iliotibial tract on my leg were released and now I dont feel so much restrictiona nymore and it FEELS SOOOOO GOOOOOD!!! yay for massage therapy, everyone should get one just because its good for you! :)

i just have a feeling of sleepiness, from trying so hard to do things that I would never do, i have put my heart out and I gave it to someone who i trusted completely and he always would have it, I would never thought that someone could take it from him, and someone did and I was afraid to let it go from him because it was safe with him, but I was so in the moment that I let him take it and I felt good letting him have my affection, but it would seem that I would be left in the dark, I took a dare and I was dashed, but I don't want to be sour from this experience, I know now that the one who had my heart can never have it the same way again, and now all I feel is sleepiness





Stella

today i have really felt what it was like to be weak and vulnerable to be blinded by something that you think is love, i was so afraid of being alone that I letmyself go through such pain and anguish, for fear that I won't have anything else, but I have taken and gripped that fear tightly, I have grasped it with fear and trembling, and I know that I am who I am, I have lost a part of myself conforming to what that person wanted, I have forgotten what makes me me, and I lost that, and now this isnt another story of a girl breaking upwith her boyfriend, that already happened, but I let myself stay that way, i have been down so long that I didn't get up, i don't know how long this will have taken me but I hope it isn't quick







Stella

is it even a word, becuase that is how I feel