The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

so ive figured out that there are no more decent people where i live... ive been let down bt literally every one ive ever let in my life... maybe it me? maybe its them who knows all i know is that it fucking sucks and im getting sick of it... how many times do i have to get let down to fall and have some one kick me and shove me back? i just got out of a relationship that i thought was different from every one else... great guy always nice to me(well atleast for the first 3 or so months) let me move in and took care of me untill i found a job when i had no where else to go... and low and behold the light went off and he started to mentally and physically abuse me... but i guess thats how people like that are... the guy even bought me my own dog just cause i wanted it even when he didnt have the money... and now that were apart and im once again bouncing from home to home he wants me to pay him a THOUSAND dollars to get the only thing that has ever kept a smile on my face... i just dont get it... but maybe im destined to be alone im ok with that, i can live my life with just myself ive proved that i could... i just dont want to... who wants to be lonely? i want some one i can share my bed with at night and not just to have sex... to hold me and keep me safe and warm... wether its with i guy of a girl i dont care but i refuse to be someones booty call thats not me thats not who i am i know im worth more than that... and if any one is reading this thinking im complaining im not i am simply venting because i dont have any one around me that i can trust to share what i feel and how much im hurting... my own father wouldnt even take me in bacause hes 47 years old and doesnt want drama in his life... thats all i am to him is drama so ive also come to accept the fact that he is and always will be the stubborn drunk i always knew him to be... both parents only care when it fits there schedual... im sure that some one has to know how awkward it is to live with your parents when thats the very last thing you want and they never talk to you and just look at you and walk right by you... its aweful and shouldnt be that way and it sad that theres people in this world like that... idk even where im going with this but all i do know is that i am finally venting and i am starting to feel better even though its to a stupid computer that cant ever give you advice or tell you everything will be ok and will work its way out... i used to think i had control of my life but ive come to realize that were all at the mercy of our maker... sad but true...ive recently had a harsh hurtful smack in the face and realized it first hand... i know i have alot of drama in my life but i try to not let it get the best of me but some times i just cant help it... thats another reason i dont really tell people when im upset they have their own problems and they dont need myne and yea yea yea i know if they cared theyd be willing to take them on as well, but unfortunatly theres no one here for me any more... theyve all passed on to a greater existence and taking my own life just isnt an option any more... im willng to wait and see if i really can become more than i am... im hoping atleast that things do get better... and i know just as well as any one else out there that things get worse before they get better... but how much worse does it get from here... i thought that wen you were on the bottom that the only way to go was up...