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it's happening again..slowly... i can feel it in my bones.

blah, i have this art project due.

He gave us a piece of paper and told us to make something serious...that's all he said...



I wonder what i should make? I was thinking about my photography. i love taking pictures..so maybe i can go out and take random pictures and develop them and then stick my favorite one on there and paint around it...



that sounds good to me!

I started a journal not to long ago...one that i can carry with me and stuff... im doing good in it so far. :) i dont feel as sad anymore. i guess writing it all down really does help. now i dont have to worry about the people i talk to telling people what i said..i just have to worry about that book not getting into anyone else's hands lol.

well, that was the last of it..it's finally done...

I guess i can really move on now...now that i have seeked and found what i trully desire...



T he wall i built to protect me...i dont think that ill build it back up just...im going to see what happens to let people see who i really am instead of being shy... and not letting anyone in.



My last relationship...and my family relationship is being distroyed because i dont let anyone in...i keep things to myself and take it out in my writing...but i only let those who read my VR journal read my writing...and i only post up the ones that arent too bad.



I dont really like people asking me questions...but sometimes, it helps me to tell people how i feel. i dont feel quiet comfortable talking to someone about myself...i feel that they dont care, as if they ask me; i know they have some kind of interest.



My mom and me got into this real big argument the other day...I dont think it was worth it... I used to tell my mom everything until i figured out she was just going to throw my mistakes in my face...i noticed that is what everyone tends to do when you start to trust them...



My trust in people has slowly faded..i just wish there was someone out there that actually showed me...not only with words but trully showed me that they cared...and that they wouldnt know what to do without me...



I want to feel that affection you see in love movies...i live in a world of fantasy, but i dont want to get out...i dont like the reality in my envirnment...everyone is too full of themselves and act as if nothing matters...but it does! everything in life matters...even the little meaningless things.



Everything you do now affect your future, one way or another...everything you say could be used against you...it doesnt matter how much trust you have...

Today i feel much better than i have...i gues today is a good day... i dont feel so stressed even though i would so do with a massage...that would make my day forreal!! well, my hamsters had babies a while back and they just opened their eyes.. lol i grabbed one and its extrememly fast and it fell out of my hands..i felt bad cause it fell on the floor..but dont worry its okay!! it felt running so i think he didnt hurt anything though i think i cared him..i guess i wont grab him anymore until it gets bigger... Patch ( my hamster) had 4 little ones...my fav is the baby one..but i also like the blonde one which is different from the other dark ones..ive always like the odd balls...:)