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College Friends



Maybe the time has gone, but the faces I recall. Things in this life change very slowly, if they ever change at all. The scary part being that we've all been hit with change lately, and it doesn't seem to have come slowly at all. Do you remember the day you left home? I'm sure that you do. But I'll bet that what you remember even more clearly were the days in the week before you left. You know, the days that you spent getting addresses, phone numbers, and email addresses and trying to figure out how to say good-bye to everyone that you've loved for as long as you could remember.



Do you remember standing by your best friend's car one night, after midnight, trying to sum up the meaning of a friendship you'd managed to maintain through thick and thin for years? Do you remember how hard that was, to think of how to say good-bye to that one person? It was nearly impossible, wasn't it, to give them that one last hug and turn around and walk inside?



I'll bet the part of what you remember was the night before you left, kissing your boyfriend good-bye one last time. Just knowing that you'd have to turn around and walk back inside was almost motivation enough not to leave. Stepping back to take one last look at that person you love--it's really scary. And you go and you tell yourself that you won't ever find someone new. You won't ever replace your old friends. You'll never fall in love again.



It's really crazy,what kinds of things can happen when you don't mean for them to. You get to a new place full of strangers. You meet people who forget you. You forget people who you meet. But sometimes, you come across some extra ordinarily special people. They have tears to shed, too. They also left people that they love behind. They're still in love with that guy back home where they used to live, and they all want someone to talk to. So you talk. Talk is good. You form bonds you never thought you'd form. You call your old friends and tell them about the new ones. Sometimes, they don't understand. Sometimes, you hurt their feelings. Sometimes everyone is a bit jealous. You miss your boyfriend.



One day you're sitting in the park, thinking about all that stuff you didn't want to leave, and a stranger sits down near you. Sometimes that person stays a stranger. Other times you talk to him or her. Sometimes you experience things you didn't want to ever happen. You become interested in a person that isn't your boyfriend or girlfriend @ home. Sometimes college is really complicated.



Sometimes you stay together, other times you break up. Sometimes you think you've done the wrong thing by coming so far away from home. And sometimes when you start thinking like this, it's time to make a change. So when this happens, you sit down and turn on your stereo, and that song "Leaving on a Jet Plane" from the Armageddon soundtrack is on, or The Eagles "Sad Cafe" song, and you wonder if you can still recall all the faces from your past. So, you pick up the phone and you call them all just to say, "Hi, I love you, I'm thinking about you." And then just as an after thought you say, "You know, I'm really learning a lot from college. I wish you would visit all of my friends. They would love you. And you would love them. They're very important to me."



Because, after all this is college. And college is a growing experience. Growing experiences cause change is hard. But whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.



So call your parents. Call your siblings. Call your best friend. Or your boyfriend or girlfriend. Or even your ex, if that's how it worked out. Tell them hello. Tell them that you miss and love them. And then, turn off your stereo, walk out of your dorm room. Go to a new friend's room and give them a big hug and say, "Thanks so much for being here. I love you."



You learn a lot when you go to college. You learn that pulling an all-nighter means staying up all night to study for a test you will then sleep through. You learn to appreciate the taste of beer-the cheapest of all alcoholic beverages. You learn that you can roll out of bed 10 minutes before class and go to class looking like shit-and no one will notice or care. You learn you really can do things for yourself without your parents looking over your shoulder--but you also learn you never realized how nice it was to have them there, just in case. More than anything, however, you learn how much your friends really mean to you. College friends come to mean a lot to you, but they can never compare to your friends from home. Your friends from home teach you the meaning of friendship during your college years. Because you are apart from them you tend to express your feelings more --- you learn how much these people truly affect your life.



You've got your best friend who exemplifies friendship-she calls at least once a week, sends email every day, and even sends you real mail. You feel like you never left each other...she still knows everything about you, and even over the Internet can tell when something is wrong. She teaches you that distance doesn't have to change a friendship at all. Then there is your other best friend. She rarely calls or writes and she doesn't do the email thing. At times you think she has forgotten about you...until you hear from her. You hear from her for the first time in almost two months-and nothing has changed. You are still you and she is still her --even though you never talk you are as close as ever, you are still the best of friends. You find yourself expressing to her just how much she means to you -- because you realize it now more than ever. She teaches you that true friends are friends in the soul... separation cant tear them apart.



Then there are those friends that you sort of lost touch with those last few months of high school and during the summer. You were busy, they were busy...but somehow, the magic of email has brought you closer together than you ever were in four years at the same school. You share secrets, heartache, and joy...it's another person who cares about you as long as you will care about them too. Away from all the pettiness of high school, you've finally formed an adult relationship...and you realize just how great a friend this person is suddenly, the people that you thought for sure you would lose touch with in college are the ones you're keepin closest contact with--and you miss them more than you ever thought possible. Sadly enough, there are also the friends that you were closest to in high school who drift too far for you to hold onto. You've both changed and suddenly you don't have much to say to each other. But these people teach you a lesson too, they make you value the others, the ones you have stayed close to, that much more. These distant friends, though you miss them when you rarely think of them, show you who your forever friends really are-and they make you appreciate those forevers much more than before.



College is rough. College severs some bonds and solidifies others...it puts a distance between you and the ones you love. But it teaches you so much. It forces your real friends to come to the front, while the rest take their places in the shadows of your memories. In college you lose some people -- but through real friendship and the strength of the soul (which is where real friends join as one) you keep the ones you will need most in your life.

God's Answers



It's impossible = All things are possible (Luke, 18;27)



I'm too tired = I will give you rest (Matt, 11:28-30)



Nobody really loves me = I love you (John, 3:16)



I can't go on = My grace is sufficient (II Cor, 12:19)



I can't figure things out = I will direct your steps (Prov, 20:24)



I can't do it = You can do all things (Phil, 4:13)



I'm not able = I am able (II Cor, 9:8)



It's not worth it = It will be worth it (Rom, 8:1)



I can't forgive myself = I forgive you (IJn, 1:9 & Rom, 8:1)



I can't manage = I will supply all your needs (Phil, 4:19)



I'm afraid = I have not given you a spirit of fear (IITim, 1:7)



I'm always worried and frustrated = Cast all your cares on Me (IPet, 5:7)



I don't have enough faith = I've given everyone a measure of faith (Rom, 12:8)



I'm not smart enough = I give you wisdom (ICor, 1:30)



I feel all alone = I will never leave you or forsake you (Heb, 13:5)

High School

~Somewhere between the procrastination

...And the homework

...And the incessant forwards

...And the friendships

...And the nasty cafeteria food

...And the calls to each other complaining about crushes

~Somewhere between the phone calls to old friends

...And the "I miss you's"

...And the "I love you's"

...And the "What are we doing tonight's"

...And somewhere between all of the changing & growing..

~Somewhere between the classes

...And the skipping classes

...And the studying for tests

...And the pretending to study for tests

...And the downright not studying for tests...

~I forgot.

...I forgot what high school is all about.

...I forgot what it meant to cry

...I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you happy.

...And that pretending to be smart doesn't make you smart.

...I forgot that you can't just forget the past in fear of the future.

...I forgot that you can't control falling in love

...And that you can't make yourself fall in love.

~I learned that I can love.

...I learned that it's okay to mess up

...And it's okay to ask for help

...And it's okay to feel like crap.

...I learned its okay to complain and whine to all your friends for a whole day.

...I learned that sometimes the things you want most you just can't have.

...I learned that the greatest thing about high school isnt the parties or the drinking or the hook-ups...

...It's the friendships which means taking chances.

...I learned that sometimes the things we want to forget are the things which we most need to talk about.

...I learned that letters from friends are the most important thing

...And that sending cards to your friends makes YOU feel better.

~But, basically, I just learned that my friends

...Both old and new

...Are the most important people to me in the world

...And without them, I wouldn't be who I am today

Ode to the Nice Girls





This rant was written because a nice girl finally snapped.

I've read the tribute to the nice guys; this is my response.





This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.



This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.



This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.



This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.



This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.



So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congradulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.



So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)