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Tonight

As I gazed in the mirror

I looked at my throat

And I wanted to slit it





It took all I had

To not close my eyes

And picture the blood

Rushing down my body

And pouring to the floor





As I finally tore my gaze away

And tried to make my mind stop thinking

About what I wanted to do

And my body stop feeling

My imagined blood's touch

My eyes fell on my wrists





I saw the marks that are still there

And imagined them reopened

Except this time cut deeper

And I wouldn't try to stop it

I would slit them both

Over and over again





Once again I tore my gaze away

And my eyes settled on my cabinet

I opened the door and stared at all the drugs

Imagining taking each bottle

And emptying them into my stomach

While my lungs cried for the air

My ripped throat was depriving them

And my hands bathed in my blood

That my slit wrists provided





This is not the first time

These thoughts have drifted to me

But it was the only time

They did not cause me to weep

Or crumble up in fear

And my dry eyes

And my unfeeling heart

To the thought of suicide

Scared me more

Than those thoughts ever have



written by my good friend kait