I woke up on the verge of tears today because of a dream I had. It made me feel depressed and extremely lonely. I'm struggling not to give in to the doom and gloom. It's hard when my subconscious is telling me that life is empty and pointless.
I am frustrated and confused. Things have cooled off with the girl I was dating, and it's been a disappointment. Though, I don't honestly think we're compatible anyway. The same rational part of my mind that pointed thout out to me has also pointed out that my best friend and I are VERY compatible, and it's also pointed out that we're more interdependent than friends should be. I've struggled with my feelings toward her off and on since becoming her friend, it would be very easy for me to fall in love with her. All this isn't helped by her telling me recently that she's been thinking about the two of us being physically intimate. *sigh* Relationships of all kinds are confusing sometimes.
I'm having a moral/ethical struggle. A little over 2 years ago, my aunt loaned me her Xbox and a few games. In that time, I've asked her about returning it at least each time I've moved, and she never remembers that I have it. Now, it's sitting around my place, and I don't play it. I'm in need of extra money, and I'm tempted to sell it. Part of me keeps saying it would be wrong, but... It's not like she would notice.
COMMENTS
ask her again.... and menchen if it is ok if you sell it due to needing a few extra bucks.
In my personal opinion, I wouldn't do it, and your conscious would probably bother you too, you seem like that type of person...that you would care or worry. I wish you luck in your decision.
Me: *takes a shaky breath* Breath stealer.
Her: *smirks* I'm a heart stealer.
Me: *chuckles* So that means you're trying to steal my heart?
Her: I don't have to try.
Me: Oh really now? In that case, if you're stealing my heart, what do I get? I can't live without a heart ya know.
Her: *gives me a sultry look* That's for me to know and you to find out.
I am a stronger person these days. I saw real evidence of that fact this week. I got home the other day to a notice on my door telling me that I have until this Thursday to get my electricity turned back on or face eviction. The sense of despair hit me, and I gave into it for a couple of minutes at most. Then, my will kicked in. The feeling... It reminds me of the time I shifted a 1.5 ton container through pure willpower. I started going over everything again, and I found something I missed the last Xmillion times I went over my finances. I found a way to do it, without selling my car and without falling behind on my rent again. If I manage it, it will also allow me to start catching up on my tuition.
I'm still looking for more work, catching up isn't enough. I want to get ahead. I will succeed.
COMMENTS
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DireConsequences
22:47 Sep 30 2012
I really hope you don't give in, hun. We all have our bad times. Just keep pushing through. *hugs*
placidchaos
20:05 Oct 05 2012
Thank you. I didn't give in. I got baked, and a friend came over to chill with me.