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Decpetion and Violation
18:19 Sep 17 2006
Times Read: 657

Your deception consumes me,

violating my thoughts

the way you violated my trust.

Whenever I am alone,

my thoughts turn to you.

I cannot even begin to understand

what would make you tell these lies.

All the rules I broke,

the risks I took to keep you safe,

I guess they meant nothing to you.

Lying to the police for seven months,

hiding in the dark apartment,

always ready to sneak you out

I realize now was a waste.

I could have been arrested

yet I still took the chance.

I thought it was worth it

if it meant you would be safe

from the pain your family brought you.

Did any of this cross your mind

when you decided to disappear?

You made me promise to never leave you,

now it is you who have left me.

Do you realize how many people you hurt?

Do you even care?

How long were you planning?

Did it amuse you to lie to me?

Did you laugh with these new friends

about how easy it was to deceive me?

Do you think about what you left behind

and know that you can never get it back?

Does it matter at all to you

or are we just more people in your past

that you choose to avoid?





Tanya M. Costa

9/17/06

Remnants In My Life
10:56 Sep 08 2006
Times Read: 660






All that remains

have been shattered and crushed.

Your lies have done their damage.

Years ago I told you

that people always hurt me.

You promised me that you never would.

Promised that you would not abandon me

like so many people have before.

Where are those promises now?

You took them with you

when you disappeared

leaving me frightened for your life.

What a fool I am!

I trusted you!

I loved you like you were my child!

How many times did I sit by your side,

rocking you and hugging you,

trying to ease your pain?

How many phone calls did I make

in attempts to help you?

When you told me you wanted me to adopt you,

was it just a lie?

Did you ever really care about me

or was it all just pretend?

Who are you?

I feel like I don't even know you now.

You ripped yourself out of my life

with not even a word.

I was stupid to ever think I could trust you.

Was our entire friendship a fraud,

a manipulative game you played?

Do you care at all what this has done to me?

Can you see the tears I shed falling?

Feel the injuries I inflict?

Hear the cries that scream from within my soul?

Your lies struck deep,

stabbing at my heart like a knife.

Does any of this matter to you

or are you so caught up in your new life

that no one you left behind

even enters your thoughts?

Do I mean nothing to you?

Did I ever?

Will you ever miss me?

Ever wish I was still there?

Ever wonder how I am?

Or will I slip from your mind

as easily as you slipped away from my life?





Tanya Costa

9/7/06

The Infection
05:30 Sep 02 2006
Times Read: 664

Are there even words that can express

these emotions, feelings, sensations that

are rushing through me like the train that brought you into our lives?

Can any word possibly capture the intensity

that is building stronger inside of me

as each day passes and leave my questions still uanswered?

My life, my world, reeks of your deceit.

I can feel it clinging to me like pus oozing from an open sore.

You are like an infection that began as a speck of bacteria

that slipped past my defenses, taking up space inside me and calling me your own.

I am the doctor and the patient,

trying to heal you from within myself

only to realize that by treating you,

I am killing me.

I tear angrily at the flesh that closes you in,

ripping at your holds and throwing you from me.

I am alone within myself now,

my flesh raw and vulnerable.

Slowly I doctor the remains of the illness you brought into me.

I grow stronger with each day.

I grow stronger with each smile.

I have removed the disease inside me

and slowly healing, I walk on alone.



Tanya Costa

8/31/06