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It was only a word;

a single syllable;

four letters in total;

meant to bring no pain,

though it led me to destruction.



How could anyone know

that something so small,

so innocuous,

could cause so much pain

that I would want to disappear again.



I heard it for less then a moment,

yet it echoes throughout my brain;

deafening me to those around me;

making it impossible to forget;

reminding me of how to escape.



Now I bleed my crimson tears,

thinking as they rain down my skin

that I have destroyed your word

in the battle with my flesh,

always aware it is only myself that lies in ruins.





Tanya M. Costa

(May 21, 2005)

The tight, empty feeling comes back again

to drain me of my happiness

and leave me alone and exposed.

At times I can almost believe it is gone

only to have it come flying back at me,

so quicky, so suddenly that I lose my breath.

It tears my flesh away so I burn.

All eyes feast upon my sin,

devouring it, engorging themselves on my destruction.

Loosing all safety, I shrink and crumble to the ground.

Everyone stares at my inept attempt to hide.

I am nothing.

I am no one.

Say it louder.

Say it longer.

After awhile, I am gone.