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Why do you continue to haunt my thoughts;

invading an innocent conversation like a virus,

surreptiously slinking in to wreak havoc on my world?

What is there about you,

that is so overpowering?

Take you apart and you are nothing special,

yet here I am once again stuck in my memories.

I just want to stop the crazed obsession

that overwhelms me when you cross my mind.

Does that seem like an impossible endeavour to you?

I stay away from your territory,

evade your site,

everything I can to keep from giving you access to my life.

It's all for nothing since i can not control

the way you creep into my subconcious;

unexpected, unwanted and so difficult to be rid of.

Am I always to be haunted?

Will I never be able to finally be free?

Sometimes I think you remain within me,

attached to the small part of my spirit

that is still unable to let you go.

It is truly I that keep you alive.

Why am I still,

so many years later,

so resistant to saying goodbye?

How will I ever release these feelings

that are locked so deep inside?

Is there ever to be an end to this for me,

or will I be trapped within myself,

locked away with these unrelenting emotions

until I am destroyed by it all?



Tanya Costa(7/24/06)

Simplify my life;

Break it down to it's lowest factors;

Internalize my destruction'

Idealize my desires.

Step into my world

where black is black,

white is white

and gray is the color I can never find.

I can be so completely happy,

feeling like I am unstoppable,

or so incredibly sad

that death seems like a welcome relief.

There is no emotion that falls in between.

I love with immeasurable passion

and hate with a vengeful wrath.

I feel so much energy

that it is like fire licking at my heels.

Other times, I am so lethargic

that it takes all I have to leave the bed.

In my world of madness

there is only right and wrong,

good or bad,

with no room for argument.

This is my life,

living on the borderline between sanity and insane.





Tanya Costa



(6/27/06)