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I haven't been on Vr in awhile.. Trying to keep myself busy.. My body in motion .. My life is so fucked right now..I'm not the same person I used to be.. I don't even know the me now.. "Walking, breathing, dead girl" I'm a whirlwind of emotions.. Anger, disbelief, need, wanting my son back.. Knowing I can't .. I miss him so much.. He is such a beautiful soul.. I can't use past tense when I refer to my son.. Even though he may be gone I refuse to not have him in my life still.. So I always refer of him in present tense.. My life is so consumed with his absence.. I want to wake up and it be just a nightmare.. A bad trick to make me value the people in my life .. Like on scrooge the old Christmas tale.. I want my second chance.. I was so close to my son.. We shared a love of music and we would introduce new songs and videos to one another.. We would spend time when he was trying to learn the guitar.. Watch zombie movies together.. Talk about books.. He loves games.. And his social media.. His Instagram..lol.. We would take pics and he would post them on his Instagram,. I can ramble on and on on what he means to me and how it hurts so fucking bad.. It can't be helped.. Im dying inside everyday.. Another day without him.. My son my only son..

COMMENTS

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DarkestTemptation
03:27 Jun 29 2017

It sounds like you have not grieved for him and its eating you up badly from the inside. You need to let it all out of you. I know you miss him a great deal. I can feel that come off of you.

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nynaeve
03:42 Jun 29 2017

Grief has become an old friend now.. My partner now for almost 10 months.. And it won't let me go... Every second he is on my mind.. Thank you for commenting and taking time to read my journal...

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