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6 entries this month
~Anouncment~
16:58 Feb 23 2006
Times Read: 574
I ma finaly going to be in the arms of the one I love in one more week. I am the happiest I have ever been. Me and my children are fianaly going to be happy forever. I am so nervous, but I know this is what I want more than anything else in the world. This is where I belong. I now feel like Im finaly going to have a place in this world.
Gene, I love you, and I will always love you with all of my heart for the rest of my life.
Can't sleep...
08:39 Feb 13 2006
Times Read: 584
Here I am alone agian. Every entry i make seems to be repeat of the one before it. I miss my love insanly. I have not heard from him all weekend. Im about to cry. It is 2:30 in the morning and I still can't sleep. I haver been trying to keep my self busy. I have been in a real poetic mood tonight, so I have been writng some more on my profile, mostly about my love, and a little about me. I want to hear the voice of the one I love so bad right now...of course thats not going to happen at 2:30 in the morning...lol. I wish I could be laughing out loud anyways. That would so be better than crying. I just have to keep telling my self that he loves me, and even though he can't talk to me he is dreaming of me this very moment.
Still waiting....
20:28 Feb 10 2006
Times Read: 607
I miss my love so much. I don't know when I am ever going to be in his arms. I can't take it. I live in my own little world now, while everything around me is going to shit. Everything here is so unstable. I want to just give up but I can't. I'm stuck here, and I guess I have to deal with it a little longer. Sometimes I feel like there's no hope. It seems like all of my future fantasys are gonna stay in the future, and I can't deal with the present. I need him so bad. I would do anything to be with him. I am so crying right now. I am trying to fight this depression, but it is taking over. My life is on hold, and there's nothing I can do about it. I want to give him time. He is so worth waiting for, and I will wait to the end of eternity if I have to, but I can't promiss I will stay sane. I wish I could just get over the bad feeling I have sometimes. I worry so much. Some things just don't make sence. I always fear the worst. I love him so much and I always fear something will happen to keep me from ever being with him. Thats how my life usualy works. I have never had anything this good. The good in my life has always been to good to be true. If that was the case with him I would die. I have to find a way to get to him. I am not going to let this be just another fantasy.
Depressed....Agian...
21:41 Feb 03 2006
Times Read: 654
Why does everything seem to be going so wrong. I feel like someone has put a hex on me or something. This life I currently live could not possably get any worse. I don't want to be with my ex husband anymore. He is making my life a living nightmare. I want to be with my love. I miss him so much. It seems like everything is working against me getting to talk to him. I can't stand it. I need him so bad. I feel so lonley without him. I find myself crying for him every night. I cry my self to sleep. He and the children are the only things in my life that brings light. The rest is just endless darkness. I am so stressed out, I can barley focas. I am not looking forward to another lonely weekend. I dread to see the weekend coming knowing he can't talk to me. The rave just seems so boring without him, but I just can't seem to stay off of it. Scrolling through numerous pages I have veiwed a thousand times is far better than. sitting around dwelling on the fact that I can't be with or talk to the one I love. I have let everything go. My house is a wreck. This is so unlike me, but I feel like why should I try to maintain this place that sucks so badly. I feel it is pointless. I have no help doing anything, so I just give up.
The real me...
06:46 Feb 01 2006
Times Read: 660
Untill I came to Vampire Rave. I have always tryed to hide who I truly am. I have alway felt so out of place in the world. I knew that I was different. I have never had the chance to come out in the open, because I have been afraid of critasizm. Which I have had my fair share of in life. I could always feel what poeple was thinking of me, and thats not always a good thing. I have never been able to go to work, school or anything that envolved the public. I have lived my life being afraid of who I am, afraid of what others thought of me. I felt like everyones attention was focused on me. I felt eyes watching were watching me from every corner. I paniced. I have always been so fragile. I am no longer going to hide, its ruining my life. I refuse to live my intire life being a nobody. The love of my life, and all of my friends on the rave has taught me that I don't have to hide who I am. I am proud of being a vampire. I am proud of being different.
My Thoughts....
00:12 Feb 01 2006
Times Read: 611
I feel so much now. I can not explain how much I love him. I want to be with him so bad. My current life of hell just keeps getting worse from day to day. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. Nothing I do or say matters. I go to sleep every night and dream about the one I love, Then wake up realizing I am still alone. I long for his touch every moment of every day. I just can't wait to hold him in my arms forever. I always fear that something in life will keep me from seeing him. I would die If it did. I have never had something this good. Every time I thought something good was going happen to me, it went wrong. I know I always think the worst things, but I have never had any luck in life. This must be the one good thing in my life to make up for all the bad. I just wish I was with him right now, that way I would know. I can't stand being with my ex husband. I just feel so wrong just living with him, knowing my heart belongs to someone else. I want to be with the one I love. I never thought I could ever love someone like I love him. He is my life. I can't even focus on everyday life because he invades my mind 24/7. I feel like the only thing I have here is my children. They are the only thing that keeps me in check right now. I wish I knew the right way to explain to them why I seem so different lately. I just seem so incoharent recently, lost in thought. Thats where I want to be because my reality right now seems like hell. If its not one thing its another. I can't take all the drama. I just want to be where I know me and my children will feel safe forever.
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