THIS JOURNAL IS ON 16 FAVORITE JOURNAL LISTSHonor: 0 [ Give / Take ]
36 entries this month
20:07 Jun 30 2009
Times Read: 596
tired...irritable....grrrrrrr
MJ18:51 Jun 29 2009
Times Read: 602
ok here is the deal people! Micheal Jackson DID NOT RAPE THOSE KIDS!! their parents wanted a peice of his money thats all! why would anyone with such compassion and love for everything around him do something so crule?? it doesnt fit he has passed so leave him alone!! let the dead rest in peace...
the show XD13:15 Jun 29 2009
Times Read: 611
the show was amazing..being out there with the guys felt great...my arms are still sore! but the baby loved it!! even danced for mommy :D we did a micheal Jackson tribute..we played beat it and it was amazing..I actually cried a little..the crowd started dancing like the gang did in the video, some cried with me the others screamed in love he truly touched millions and will be missed...it was the first time i played since..some things happened but it felt great, After the show the guys and i couldnt stop smiling just huged eachother and went home haha ray came over as he was singing and kissed my belly haha it was cute..i think he actually likes me a lil bit lmao you have no idea how hard it is to freaking sing and play drums at the same time HAHA i did a duet with ray but played the drums the whole time and holy crap that was hard but noone missed a beat and we did great, I am actually going to go see them later today..we got pretty close the past week...we are gonna have a water ballooon fight haha I love my new friends and my old ones too XD when i say " The guys" I mean my friends Ray, Joey and Sam lol well thats about it for that
today at about 3:45 we get to find out the actual sex of the baby so i am super excited!! if its a girl everyone I know will know lmao cuz i wil be shocked!!! but thats why i am up so early actually lol couldnt go back to sleep XD
13:04 Jun 29 2009
Times Read: 613
Cassie~~~its really funny how the dumbest things can hurt someone....how the lose of suck a small part of your life can really effect to the point you cant sleep or even eat sometimes....you grow up seeing certain things for your life and grow to realize none of the things you dream will ever happen and you dont want them too anymore..your to angry..to hurt...someone hurts you and all you wanna do is shut them out but you cant...you need them but...all it brings is pain...how could that little girl grow to be a beautiful women so quickly but accomplish only half what she wanted..family behind her all the way but still no way endless friends holding her hand but there is still pain its amazing how things turn out..and how good revenge feels...it turns to a drug..you need it to even function....somethings missing but you cant put your finger on it....the voice of a friend is like a fucking dagger...when does that happen??? haha dumb little girl...dumb dumb dumb little girl! hahahaha how could you let such anger flow through you that you bleed it? how could you turn to the monster you are? well its simple really people need to learn not to fuck with an angry little girl...she isnt so damn little anymore...no more praying..her life is hers and she wont serve something she cant see..she has her master..she only serves him...to me god is just a joke..something for people to hope for but in reality death..well you just die haha and thats it...its a joke to me and if you dont like it then deal...this is me, take it or leave it...this little women is done being played! done with being nothing to anyone...she will make a difference without the help of god or any other higher power..her life is hers! and thats how it will stay
I dont even look like myself anymore...my eyes are dark and distant my hair looks darker..I am just a darker person..its so different but enjoyable..Im me again...Im not hiding behind a fake smile...or a facaude of a life...I deeply appoligize to all the friends that see me acting this way but..hey shit happens right?
01:29 Jun 28 2009
Times Read: 623
getting ready for the show XD starts at 10:00 wish us luck guys :D
22:21 Jun 26 2009
Times Read: 641
getting ready for practice...ray should be here any second to get me blah...not feeling it today but am gonna try
wish me luck lol show is saturday night now
Conversation starter!!!16:22 Jun 26 2009
Times Read: 656
what does everyone think of Micheal Jacksons death??? :(
I for one am sad about it, my reason being is that i grew up listening to him.
HAHA! but i guess they are gonna melt him down and turn him into lago's so all the kids can play with HIM for once LMAO
my dad came up with that lol
R.I.P Micheal we will miss you! xoxoxo
hahahahaha22:53 Jun 25 2009
Times Read: 667
Nickle Dollar
HAHAHAHA!
15:49 Jun 25 2009
Times Read: 680
OUT OF THE CURSED WHEEL CHAIR! YAY!
20:10 Jun 24 2009
Times Read: 691
SO EXCITED!!!! i get to break out my drum sticks again! in a week a friend s band is gonna play a show and I have to fill in for the drummer XD I am gonna look funny bing the only girl up there but hey I am gonna have a friggen ball!!! its a set of 6 songs O_O so i gotta learn them all by heart in a week so i will be out of the house alot YES! WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!! WISH ME LUCK!
P.s i am gonna try to get a video of it to put up on here XD
AHHHHHHHHH!
my fucking mother!17:28 Jun 24 2009
Times Read: 702
she is always on my ass about something! ALWAYS! and i cant do anything right according to her! today definatly was not the best day to play these fucking games with me! I am running on straight caffine! NO SLEEP AND SHE IS GONNA DOG ME OUT!!!! WTF IS WRONG WITH PPL?! and people tell me not to stress and not to blow up in anger and to be happy with everything....bull shit! BULLSHIT! everytime i think things are going well with everyone someone walks away or tells me i am a fuck up..I dont want pity so dont pull that please ill just block you I just needed to rant...FUCK YOU MOM!!! FUCK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO WISHED ME LUCK AND WALKED AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE AND GET OVER YOURSELF!
00:04 Jun 23 2009
Times Read: 720
wow...interesting couple of days LMAO
22:32 Jun 22 2009
Times Read: 726
sugar cookies! YAY lmao
biggest scare of my life!18:30 Jun 20 2009
Times Read: 742
last night I started spotting blood...I freaked out so so bad...Alexi is fine though..happy as could be..i am in a wheel chair now though because of my knees..hopefully that will get better haha I freaked a friend out and now i feel bad! but all in all everything is ok :)
Machine Head the burning red :)20:07 Jun 18 2009
Times Read: 752
I see the sun begin to rise
And I'm blinded too
I've seen the world through jaded eyes
that I'm crying through
I've watched the darkness hypnotize
And confinded
Hold on I'm falling
Can't breathe anymore
An ocean has opened
These scars need to heal over
Caress the needle prick in my eye
The tears fell like rain
I've rode the Phoenix as she glides
And I've gone insane
I've seen the light of suicide
And I'm dying
Hold on I'm falling
Can't breathe anymore
An ocean has opened
These scars need to heal over
Hold on I'm falling can't breathe
Breathe
Colder and colder
Just hold onto me
Children Of Bodom Angels don't Kill20:04 Jun 18 2009
Times Read: 753
hear the first sets going by
Watching myself slowly die
Sharp is the pain leadin' through my heart
Slowly tearing me apart
What if you're an angel fallen from grace?
Yes, the fist that I hate
Pick me up from the gutter with a gentle kiss
The rips from my heart is showing me, how black it is!
Go!
Yeah I'll go!
It feels so cold
Yeah, I'm watching by
I'll die alone!
I hear the first sets walking by
Watching myself slowly die
Sharpening pain leadin' through my heart
Slowly tearing me apart
When you appear, as an angel
looking me down, looking my way
Could you ever kill the pain in my heart?
Even though they say angels don't kill
Go!
Yeah I'll go!
It feels so cold
Yeah, I'm watching by
I'll die alone
Go!
Yeah I'll go
It feels so cold
Yeah, I'm watching by
I'll die alone!!
16:43 Jun 18 2009
Times Read: 761
jump the hurdle
and run until I cant anymore
look at the sky and ask you why?
why so many hurdles?
why am i in love with him so quickly?
why do i cry at the thought of my son?
only you hold the answers
I fall to my knees and beg for an answer
beg for your help
god..please tell me..what the hell do i do?
19:29 Jun 17 2009
Times Read: 771
FUCK......FUCK.......FUCK
please...dont ask....
16:32 Jun 17 2009
Times Read: 782
ok guys I need some ideas..I am trying to plan my next tattoo for after i have the baby..they will be on my hip bones ( i am gonna lose the baby weight first of course) but still I need something new and i am coming up with blanks so please help
p.s please dont give ma ny of that " just think what it will look like when you are 80" crap I dont care cuz I wont be old for a long time and even nthen I will be a hot lil gram gram lmao
lil girl in my town running their mouth about my vampyrism haha14:57 Jun 17 2009
Times Read: 786
I think its really funny when people try to stick up for themselves through the damn internet when they have your number and can call...but they are to chicken to be in a real argument lol this was a long time ago but its still fucking funny! If you have a problem with me then tell me to my face..or call or something lmao dont just run your mouth! thats chicken shit lol its funny to see you squirm and cower over such a small girl as myself and run off like you really proved a point lol we are real..we live lives and die just as you do..so whats the problem? lol all i know guys is that little 16 year old sluts are funny to listen too..I mean imagine a bucket of blubber swinging their arms and yelling liol then they get on messanger and run their mouths again haha girls are funny when they get mad
18:52 Jun 14 2009
Times Read: 809
Mom- I forgive you for using drugs...everyone makes mistakes and many people couldnt have handled everything as well as you did..thank you for making me who i am
Jason- I forgive you for taking my innocence without permission..you are paying the price so you dont need my hatred and spite
Louis- I forgive you for molesting me...eventhough I dont understand why you did..i still forgive
Papa- I forgive the beatings and fights..the insults and the pain..I know deep down you will always love me nomatter what you said and even through al this..I still love you..thank you for giving me life
Dr. Keck- I forgive you for not treating my ailments and thinking they were nothing..they have made me stronger..having to live around them has made me ynderstand how great life really is
and last but not least by any means
damien- I forgive you for everything...getting me pregnant and not stepping up..the insults..everything..thank you for giving me my son..he is the best gift anyone could have given me and despite everything..I am glad you are his father and I appreshiate you giving us a place to stay... and even though i never say it..i love you..I may not be wit you or be in love with you but..I love you, and so does our son
17:03 Jun 13 2009
Times Read: 850
well...today just started for me :) its been ok so far hehe I woke up to Alexi kicking me by my belly button...the button is slowly disapearing lol its a tiny lil circle AHHHH lol
21:37 Jun 12 2009
Times Read: 866
youd be surprised if you relized how dumb you act when face with a problem..even when you swear you woudnt act like a retard..some people dont even understand themselves..I know i dont lol then when you are face to face with another you really relize it doesnt matter! that you dont even care! what the hell! lol
15:24 Jun 11 2009
Times Read: 892
well..the doctor was very breif he didnt say much about my knees except that it will get worse the farther along i get cuz i will get bigger and that the baby is fine :) so i am gonna try to see if my boss will let me come back to work without a slip from the doctors but we will see what happens cuz I want to take a trip and I cant do that without money lol
13:46 Jun 10 2009
Times Read: 914
I am getting ready to go to the doctors:) my doctor is pretty cool but they should be able to tell me whats going on and how Alexi is and what ever happens at the doctors I am not going to fret to much..if I cant work..then ok gotta listen to the doc..if I am not supposed to leave the state or anything *sighs* Ok gotta listen..
19:48 Jun 09 2009
Times Read: 933
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE?!?!?!?!?! THE FATHER OF MY CHILD HAS GIVEN UP ON HELPING ME AT ALL!! HIS MOTHER IS STRESSING ME OUT WITH UNWANTED OPINIONS AND IS THREATENING TO KICK ME OUT IF I DONT GET MY WELFARE SHUT STRAGHT! ITS REALLY HARD TO DO WHEN MY MOTHER STILL HAS ME ON HER FINANCIAL HELP PROGRAM!! I AM TIRED OF FIGHTING..TIRED OF LIEING JUST TO LIVE DAY TO DAY!! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?? I AM A GOOD PERSON I TRY MY HARDEST WITH ALL I DO UNTIL IT WEARS ME THE FUCK OUT! I AM SO TIRED OF EVERYTHING AROUND HERE ITS DRIVING ME NUTS AND I THINK PART OF MY HEALTH PROBLEMS THAT ARE FORMING ARE BECAUSE OF MY STRESS LEVEL! MY KNEES HURT SO BAD I CANT EVEN SHOWER BY MYSELF! FUCK THIS! I HAVE FAUGHT ALL MY LIFE FOR EVERYTHING I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEEDED TOO! I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE LESSONS GOD HAS FOR THESE THINGS WHEN EVEN WHEN I AM DONE I AM MISERABLE AND TIRED AND SORE FROM FIGHTING....sorry..going through alot....
intresting night..15:53 Jun 07 2009
Times Read: 957
well I might be getting kicked out again...havign bad dreams about the baby and have realized that I can actually get over protective..which may turn out bad so I am trying to keep my mouth shut LMAO (inside thing) although it is VERY hard to be nice and not say a word...and guess what? I actually caught something on fire in the fucking MICROWAVE!!!! wtf? goes to show you how my home ec grades where in high school! lol idk having a hard time..just need to chill for a lil bit and get better :) I know who alls gonna read this so..LOVE YOU! haha
work19:12 Jun 06 2009
Times Read: 968
I am on unpaid work leave..I am happy i get to keep my job, they really threw me a bone there cuz they didnt have to keep me *phew* lol
babies room!16:32 Jun 05 2009
Times Read: 985
ok tell me what you guys think..I am wanting to do the babies room in The nightmare before christmas theme but everyone is trying to get me to do winnie the pooh...whatcha think?
The Alexi kenneth update15:07 Jun 05 2009
Times Read: 986
his heart rate is still at 175 beats a minute which means he has a very healthy heart..he is the size of a medium sized grapefruit ! O_O I am all belly!
my luck!14:59 Jun 05 2009
Times Read: 989
I cant walk this morning :( my knees are the size of melons! I am scared to go to the doc because I am sure they are gonna put me on bed rest..and that means a lot of things will get hard...so I know its bad but we are putting it off till later tonight but will let ya know what happens
19:47 Jun 04 2009
Times Read: 1,012
fucking tired....might lose my job!! blah...
wow...16:22 Jun 03 2009
Times Read: 1,028
well...that little peice is back where it needs to be..I am no longer broken..I dont know how I found it again..or why but I am glad I am whole again..now I can finnally give all of myself and be happy..I dont know if I can do that so soon but I am gonna try..I slept so well last night i didnt wanna wake up...so i didnt until now lol wow i feel amazing...
stone sour bother15:25 Jun 02 2009
Times Read: 1,042
Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You dont need to bother;
I dont need to be
Ill keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I wont let go til it bleeds
Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
My flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying
You dont need to bother;
I dont need to be
Ill keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I wont let go til it bleeds
(solo: corey)
Wish Id died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
With its memories
Diaries left
With cryptic entries
And you dont need to bother;
I dont need to be
Ill keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I wont let go til it bleeds
You dont need to bother;
I dont need to be
Ill keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
Ill never live down my deceit
15:17 Jun 02 2009
Times Read: 1,044
well....yesterday was an up and down day...for sure more downs than ups...Damien and I went to see Drag ME to Hell and it was a good movie lol scared me to pieces but we fought the whole way there and of course..it was my fault...didnt sleep at all...kept waking up crying having all kinds of nightmares (no not because of the movie lol) but idk I didnt feel protected..more alone than anything else Damien heard me crying and held me for a while but that didnt help much cuz he would leave when i fell back asleep...idk how to feel or what to think...maybe I should just walk away but I promised not too..I always keep my promises so I wont..idk I am hurt and confused...I just wish things could have been different but it is what it is and I cant change that but hopefully..things will get better...I am walking out of here tonight and I am gonna leave my phone behind and just..walk..idk where to yet but I have to get away..my heart is in all the wrong places and I am the only one who can get it back where it needs to be..so wish me luck and hope I dont get lost lol its a small town but a bad one too..idk I will be ok..
19:58 Jun 01 2009
Times Read: 1,062
lalalalalalalalalallalalalalalalalala lol
RECENT KISMET
High Sire (159)
Wishing everyone a great day. : )
16:26 - November 22 2024
Premiere Sire (129)
There’s a time to build bridges and a time to build walls.
16:08 - November 22 2024
Ophidian (66)
💀Creeping Autumn Days Creeping Winter Nights 💀 🦉
09:56 - November 22 2024
REAL VAMPIRES LOVE VAMPIRE RAVE
Vampire Rave is a member of
Page generated in 0.1029 seconds.
COMMENTS
-
Lordpeace
23:56 Jun 30 2009
bites you
Lordpeace
23:57 Jun 30 2009
bites you
RaineyLustfulBites
16:28 Jul 02 2009
*hugs*
alexi is not letting you sleep sis