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well Damien and I are moving to my mothers house YAY! :) I am excited to live with my mom again I love her so much :) damien is doing great he is helping me pack and counting the days til the baby gets here hehe 91 days to go guys but since I will be at my moms I wont be online for a few weeks cuz my mom has slow internet lol but I am gonna a faster one for the whole family :) I am excited :) it will be a lil cramped cuz it will be my mother, step dad, twin brothers, myself, damien and of course the baby :) haha 7 ppl wow but my mom is just as excited as I am i think :) she has been wanting me home for a while well wish me luck guys

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RaineyLustfulBites
20:21 Aug 23 2009

aww yay!!!!!thats great sis :)

I live with six people it will be very cramped once the baby comes but he will take all the attention tee hee

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Lordpeace
03:47 Aug 24 2009

this is great honey i am glad you are happy we will talk soon

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wow...his family is really milking his death for all its worth...damn

we have reviewed our opions..we talked about adoption and desided we dont want anyone taking care of our son but us...we thought about fixing everything and sticking it out..but nothing is always fixed...I told him he could run so he could have his life back but he refused...we are scared...didnt want this..at least not right now...we dont know if we as a family can survive this..stay together and be happy..I didnt want this for my life, Im scared....terrified....I dont know if I can do this...I feel alone and lost...the tears wont stop falling and the pain gets worse nd not having my grandfather or my uncle here for love and support..kills me...they always knew what to say...and no matter what kinda trouble i got into they loved me more than possible, no longer a kid but not yet a women I am stuck...I love damien i do..I just..dont know if we can do this...be happy as a family...survive this....we have such different veiws on life...resposiblities...happieness....idk what to do anymore...where to turn..Im scared......

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RaineyLustfulBites
21:46 Aug 20 2009

*hugs her tightly*oh sis!I know you are scared but you are strong but you decided not to get rid of Alexi nor give him up as for the boy he will come around hopefully but if he doesnt and quits on you,you still have your sisters,me and master we will help you out I wish you could have some sort of support too...

you wont always be happy and families arent meant to be happy all the time(thats life its happiness and pain) but alexi will be bright little star that will make your day so much better...

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Lordpeace
08:17 Aug 21 2009

Nola bunny it will be okay we are here for you no matter what you decide

if you can't handle damien or damien can't handle you... talk to me and we will figure out what to do

right now just worry about staying healthy an getting alexi in to the world and then everything sles will come in time

hugs and kisses

listen to butterfly she is good for advice too "smiles"

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I am so used to feeling little kicks and wiggles..seeing his movements through my tummy...now shortly he will be in my arms and looking at me for the first time....I cant explain it, part of me doesnt want the pregnancy to end...and yet i want him out so damn bad...I was born to be a mother...my friends call me mom sometimes lol I have a motherly presence about me even before I got pregnant its so weird..but i love it..



I had a few dreams last night..one was that I had alexi...and HA I woke up to braction hicks and had to walk around after that haha its getting close guys!



I can just tell!

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RaineyLustfulBites
23:35 Aug 12 2009

uh oh!=)

thats a good thing we are going to see alexi early!yay!I got my wish!woo hoo I am so happy for you sis!:)

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Lordpeace
06:53 Aug 13 2009

little momma lol

yes you are going to enjoy being a mom.... once he sleeps through the night lol wait until he opens his eyes and looks at you and you know that this is one who loves you without reservation

damn that is a beautiful feeling i remember almost when my daughter was born and looked at me

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UGH! I am so beyond pissed its not funny! haveing ppl all up in my business is driving me nuts! then on top of it damien thinks that he has a right to anything when all he does is play games and sleep all day...mother fucker get a hold of yourself! UGH! and all my money goes to everyone except me and the baby cuz they think they have a right to what i fucking have god damn it! I get yelled at for buying DIAPERS! FUCKING DIAPERS! FOR MY SON! AHHHH! AND I AM THE ONE SPENDING 30-40 HOURS A WEEK ON MY FEET NON STOP TO GET THIS SHIT! ugh fuck it!

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RaineyLustfulBites
20:39 Aug 11 2009

guess heaven was short lived sis *hugs her*

thats fucked up though they shouldnt do that :(

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Lordpeace
06:51 Aug 13 2009

i thought knucklehead was straightening up

lord i want to smack that boy in his head sometimes he has no idea what a good little woman you are

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Alexi,

hello my dear, its your mom...I just wanted to write you a letter before you were here with your father and I telling you how much i love you and how you saved my life.



Before your dad and I found out we were going to have you I was very self destructive and a confused young women, I was only 18 when I got pregnant with you, so you can imagine the fear and worry i had for you, I had a hard time with it all until I saw you for the first time...up on the screen was a tiny little you, and oddly enough..you looked at the camera and wiggled at me, I started to cry, I never thought I could love some one as much as I do you, I never knew such a small thing could make me so strong, you changed my way of thinking, you made me who i am today, as you read this, you are probably wondering when i wrote it..well I am 25 weeks pregnant with you at this point, almost time for us to actually meet, even now you look so much like your father its crazy, and seeing how much you have changed him amazes me baby, he is strong, so kind, and loves you with all his heart.



the point of this is to show you even now at this moment you are the world to your father and I, without you...we would be nowhere...so I have to thank you my son..for changing me, your father and our life...your the best thing thats ever happened to us



eternal love,

your mom

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Lordpeace
05:41 Aug 11 2009

it sounds as if all is going well that is great dear

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RaineyLustfulBites
07:56 Aug 11 2009

aww!sis!!!!this is so cute =)

you have to send me a pic of both them lmao

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wow...15 weeks to go guys...possibly less and i will be a mommy...Im scared, excited, idk so many emotions are running its crazy....I cant hardly sleep cuz I wanna get stuff ready for him but I have not had a baby shower yet so i dont have much, but i am looking forward to it all...wow

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Gabriella
19:44 Aug 10 2009

you need to sleep. you wont' get any for the first 2 months so you need it now. that also determines how hard it is for you.

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RaineyLustfulBites
21:41 Aug 10 2009

sis I agree with Isis

you wont get any sleep once he gets here

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ok to everyone who reads my journal, I want you to look up Cas Haley! its not really my music style but damn! he has a voice! check him out!!

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RaineyLustfulBites
03:04 Aug 07 2009

ok sis

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RaineyLustfulBites
03:08 Aug 07 2009

Hes really good sis!you dont have to pick only one style sis you are a free person lol

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well....damn...Alexi is estimated to be 10-11 pounds if he goes full term and yep..he looks just like his dad! big ears and all! haha hes adorable though, he is already so chubby he has puffy cheeks, ( we got to see his face yesterday) :) right now he is 4 pounds 6 ounces :D big boy!

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Maell
21:00 Aug 06 2009

Damn.



:-P

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Lordpeace
21:05 Aug 09 2009

11 lb honey you may have to have a c-section i dont know how you are going to push all that out

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once i have Alexi I plan on learning mixed martial arts! YEAH! I already know some but not enough for me to be happy with, its a good way to lose all the weight and learn to kick some ass and hell maybe i could make a carreer outta it, I am an aggressive girl anyways so might as well put it to use XD, I am an ex boxer lol but i know this will be a challange cuz it takes so much more outta you but i have a great teacher who is ready to show me once I have my lil man XD EXCITED!

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Lordpeace
06:13 Aug 05 2009

hmmm we will talk about this you violent little rascal

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ok ok...his manager is a dick! ugh he could have had all he wanted with the UFC but he got signed to strike force instead! and everyone is saying that its Fedors fault but i blame it on the manager cuz hell he can barely speak english let alone do all that by himself! its so stupid! W/e though just thought i would rant lol

well things are weird these days, its hard to sleep cuz of my giant belly lol and the big thing that lives in it but idk I feel like i am being used for what i have, where i live so I am trying to get Alexi's daddy to move to my moms house with me to get away from all the bullshit his mom is giving me and all the money and stuff she wants from me, she raised my rent up $20 and plans on useing all $206 in food stamps to feed the family when it is ment to feed damien and I and its really pissing me off...she wants to take the stamp card to the store without me being there and I dont wanna have that cuz I dont trust her at all so she will be mad as hell when she finds out she cant use the card without me being there hahaha but hell it has my name on it and if I say something thats how it has to go or it aint happening and she can kiss my ass I dont care how she thinks or feels anymore lmao

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Lordpeace
06:13 Aug 05 2009

hugs you

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I got my food stamps card today, this will be a huge help from here on out damn you have no idea lol I gotta clean and stuff which is really hard for me now that i am friggen HUGE! alexi had his foot sticking out of my ribs last night at work and his foot is like an inch and a half long! OMG HE IS HUGE!

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Maell
23:43 Aug 01 2009

:D Big foot.

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Lordpeace
07:48 Aug 02 2009

soon honey soon

i am glad he is so healthy

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newlyawaken
16:10 Aug 02 2009

he is the baby version of big foot lmao i was born with huge feet so he prolly will too haha his dad had big ears so he might have those too lmao

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RaineyLustfulBites
01:35 Aug 03 2009

aww yay!congrats sis!*giggles*

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