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research can be so aggrivating. i have done all kinds of research on a great many things. from dream scaping to inspiring and occlemancy. and i know wht it all is, but how to stop it from happening? thats the million dollar question. he fact someone can enter my house spiritually and view me as i sleep? not happy does it make me. nor does the ability of being able to find ways into my home. or do things to me that i dont want done.



i read in a great deal of the articles here where it says the participant has to be willing. i'm bettin that is only required of respectable vampyres. because nothing that has happened to me has been willing on my part. not the energy drains, the blood they took, my wand the stole or the gifts they have given me.



as a witch i know a great deal of things and practice them regularly. but there are things they do that even have me going wtf?



when my grammy die last june, they were at her funeral, i found i couldnt cry, i barely felt anything. their reasoning was she wasnt my true family, they were. when my father died this april, a very influential friend of mine went to them and told them if they went near me this time or did anything to change the natural order of things, he would make sue they suffered more than i ever would. so far, they have respectfully kept their distance.



but i still have to wonde how much i am influenced by them. the morning i heard of my fathers death, i dont remember much. i remember my brother pulling into my drive and walking up to me, i remember being a smart ass and saying, "isnt this a little early for you?" then i remember him telling me dadhad passed on. after that he had me, then i remember my husband speaking, then my oldest daughter and somehow i ended up back in the house. an hour later i rememer talking to pastor O.T. and asking to take care of mom since i couldnt. the rest of the day... a complete blur. i spent the nxt week and a half setting up his memorial.



and now, after the first initual week, i almost feel numb. there are times i start to choke up, but then it goes away. the reason i think they are behid this s because thats what would happen with my grammy. the moment i would start to feel anything? it would go away.



i read in a book where inspiring was the control of thoughts, emotions, feelings, deepest desires. and yea, they've done all of that to me. they actaully take pleaure n making me feel uncomfortable. so how does one stop it?

COMMENTS

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Oceanne
16:41 May 05 2010

I might point you towards my journal.Under the nature of magick,find the entry: Entrainment.This should help you understand a little about being an "unwilling' participant.No one 'takes " your energy,some simply cause you to vibrate at a different frequency that your body and soul are used to and vibrate naturally at for a time and that can be exsausting..

Best of luck in your endeavours.

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its been a great long time since i've been on here. i've been doing research and life ingeneral happened.



i still havent found the answers i seek. no 1 seems 2 kno them. how frustrating that is.



then there is life, in 2 months time i find my uncle passes, then a precious kitty that my children got for me to try and lift the pain i felt when i lost my familiar, it was all so hard. but that couldnt be it. nope. my brother shows up just as i'm getting into my truck to head for work to tell me my father has now passed 2. all i can say is wtf? my heart at that point shattered.



as i sit here and write this... i'm still not completely 2gether. as if it wasnt enough to lose so much so quickly, i now find a friend of mine has cancer. it doesnt help how secretive he's being about it. but hey, we all survive. we move on. my father was the biggest blow to me.



he was my anchor. red coat christian that he was, and we fought constantly in my religious choices, he said i understood most in the spiritual world. surprsing as that may seem. he just didnt like my choices or the fact that i questioned everything. i want to scream now more than ever tho feeling i played a hand some how.



he had been sick, i wont deny it. we had went to see him in august. he then started asking me to pray for him, that wasnt unusual. but it was he no longer asked me to pray to his god that was. it was also that he acknowledge my gifts and told me he needed my prayer because when i pray god listens. i laughed it off but did all that he asked.



the day we left florida and headed for home, i almost lost him then. i got back home 2 days later to find he was hospitalized and dying. i did a blood healing spell for him. it lasted for about 6 days until i saw Anpu and he told me no more. i was never to do that particular spell again or get in his way. but i was granted my wish. my father was still alive and breathing. he went home a few days later and that was all i cared about.



but after that he would ask me to pray for him, ask that god take him home or heal him. at 1st i didnt want to do this. i didnt want him to leave me. but i did as he asked.



as the months went on, he got weaker. we were just waiting for a heart and kidney. the doctor promised anytime. the gods had other plans. and my father got his wish. he was taken and now healed. i just didnt get what i wanted. my father was clever, he knew what to ask of me to get what he wanted.



i still hurt tremendously. but i have no regrets. we had a great relationship and i loved him as i kno he loved me. many tell me now how proud he was of me and how he knew when he died he didnt have to worry about me. he had told me this. i just want him here to say those things to as we often did.



but he will re-incarnate and be something beautiful for he was a wonderous person. better than i will ever be.



as for my precious kitty... as i said my children got him as a gift right after my familiar died. most kno familiars cant just be replaced and my Appollo wasnt. but my sweet kitty was one of a kind. i researched a name for him and thought it was fitting at the time. i named him Azriel. The Messanger of death. i thougt it even funny. i'm not finding things quite so humorous right now tho. i found that sometimes life has a funny way of turning around and biting u rite in the butt.



And as for my uncle... he was a good man also, even after my aunt died 20 yrs ago, he stayed faithful to her. she had been like a second mom to me until the day she died. they were both very special. so the last 2 months heve really tried me. but i kno i will make it thru this. with the love of my close friends and family i'll be ok. all i can honestly say rite now... is it really sucks!!!!!!!!!!! no pun intended.