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I am missing her smile

I crave to hear her laughter

I wish I could call her at this moment

but it is much to late

I worry that she is sick

or having nightmares again

I want to hold her hand

And show her many things

as beautiful as the flower

The one she shares a name

it has been so long

her silly little thoughts

Her curly hair

nothing like mine

my lily

my sister

I am an odd sleeper. I curl up on my side wrapping my arms and legs around a large stuffed animal(or my boyfriend when we are able to sleep together.)I snore at different levels depending how tired I am. I am both a light, and deep sleeper. I startle awake if any animal or child makes a distress sound, or if someone tries to sneak through the room. However you can throw things against the wall, and stomp and talk loud and I will never wake up. (my mother used to clean my room at night while I slept by throwing my toys in a toy box across the room). I move a ton in my sleep and have actually woken up with my head where my feet where when I went to sleep. I don't talk much, however I have been told by many people that I sit up look around and then lay back down and pass right back out. also oddly enough I don't need much sleep 4-5 hours is enough for my body to be refreshed, and often if I sleep 8-10 hours I am tired and groggy all day. I find it hard to fall asleep, but if I turn from side to side I fall asleep rather quickly. As to when I sleep it changes. sometimes during the day, sometimes at night it just depends on things going on in my life.

Silent, except for the sound of tears hitting ground.

Crouched, unkempt, torn and dirt stained I beg for the

moon.

Yet, moonlight cares not to shine where these tears

fall.

I raged at the earth and tore it from its place.

To plant something that would never grow.

I would scream the very agony of the loss.

Except that there is a hollow hole where my chest used

to be.

A begging whisper raw with need escapes.

And only silence once again answers.

The Straw that broke the camels back

00:01:21 - Feb 20 2006





Sighs, where to go from here? Where does one go when

empty delusions fall and are exposed in light. Does

one trust the person who pushed over the wall? Did he

really have my best interest at heart? Or once again

was it all for the selfish bitch’s whine that holds

his ear. I am so confused. I'm in another hell of my

own making by accepting a job that was too good to be

true. I need those arms to hold me now, hell I needed

them last month. Yet I receive not the warmth of the

love but the slap of annoyance and anger over things

that could be changed. I am tired of screaming at a

deaf wall, and crying to deaf

ears.***************************************



Watching the glass crack against my nose

Wondering what to do

Should I shatter it with a fist?

Try to stay still and hope it supports?

I don’t want to fall right now

Don’t think I could handle it if I did

Caught between two hells

And you no longer offer comfort

Only take away from my much needed attention



Wrapped tight within the shell

Word escape telling of my personal hell

Oh so sweet on the outside

False promises from the beginning

Dripping sarcasm while I am screaming

Don’t talk to me like that asshole

I don’t want to be here

Kindness had begot pain

Deception was always your game

Honest I was from the beginning

Helping to change the brats you are raising

One crave attention so bad, it yells

The other so ignored, can’t speak correctly

Already I love them, these sweet children

When treated right such angels

I don’t think I will be here much longer

I dread going back, every time I escape

A prison of cold hard lies and false people

I hate to leave the kids

Because they are the only good in that house