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I sit here alone. I shouldn't be. But I am. A part of me sighs in great relief, and another darts from room to room. I do not know what to do with myself. Will everthing be this way now? I should be happy, and I am. I really am. I hate myself for the way I feel, and I hate myself for hating myself. This world is growing smaller and smaller. And I envy those who roam it's beauty. The breath of life is such a perfect thing. I am truly blessed to have him. Unconditional love every second of every day he gives. Never wondering if he could have better, or for a dfferent mother. My family is perfect. My family's family is perfect. Agony is my best friend and it shouldnt be. Too loyal to change. And too angry to leave. My life has been cut into two. Shared by another. Dependent of my affection. His life and memory rests soley on my decisions. I must conceal this rage, and look at the bigger picture. At least until he graduates. Im tired of routine. Tired of rejection from the one I have made vows with. Talking never works. Never. I love him for loving me. I love him for all that he is, and all that he isn't. Maybe Im just delirious. My ipod is looking rather inviting. Maybe a novel.



Time is just time. It will pass and there will be an end. No need for distress over somthing I cannot change, and somthing that I have decided to not change.



Maybe I should buy a viberator...however you spell a device that is human related and plastic....ugh.... Hmmm...Food for thought. Way to much food for thought.



On the other hand, Ativan will drift me to sleep without side effects, or effort.





I should have been male.

For those who have asked me questions:



(You know who you are)



11:11



* The numbers 11:11 hold significant meaning to me. I see the numbers every day, and every night, and have grown quite fond of them. I did some research a while back about the two numbers, and am still searching for more answers to this day. More of a personal quote than famous.



"Hi sexy?, or Hi milady?, or How are you?"



I am conservative, and hate the term "Sexy."

I hate it with a passion.



Milady...That urks me. We are not in movies, and I am not royalty. Do not pretend to be Robin Hood unless you give gold to the poor.



How are you?....I am living. I am awake.

I am bored by the three terms, and find it a waste of time to read them as I scroll down.

If you are interested, say what you mean to say, not what you think you should say.



My comment about the search for the one that does not exist....



Is exactly what it means. Do the math.



I apologize for the lack of manners and the sharpness with my words, but just take this entry as an answer, nothing else.