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I took three urine tests



one negative

two positive

then the doctors drew my blood

that was positive.

Then i was positive.



I was pregnate.



Now doctors have been telling me i was infertile sense i was 14 years old.

Well she said i was 'pretty much' infertile.

Well i took the doctors word. Then when i was talking to the doctor when i was 16 she was telling me it wasnt for sure but it looked awfully hard for me to get pregnate if i could. Like she was trying to spare my feelings.



Damn doctors.

I swore when i found out that whatever a doctor says its advice, opinion, or a guideline from then on.



I was just like... shit... but totally exited.

I gave up hopes on having a baby, like yeah its early but i feel blessed honestly.



Donald saw the urine test earlier and knew i was but i wanted to make sure through blood. So that is was truely confirmed.



So i had to tell the family...

my grandma Dee said i slept around, basically calling me a slut. When it only takes one man to sleep with.



My Uncle Tony was dissapointed but wanted what was best for me and the baby and warned me that Donald better be there for the baby



My Grandpa Tom was totally exited. He said he needed a little one to hold



My sister didnt talk to me for three days and when she did she was balistically crying, she just wanted to see me do good and still live my life. I still can and the things i want to pursure i can do at home and want to do at home.



my brother nodded and said he noticed i was bigger



I didnt even tell my Aunt Desiree, fuck that, we barely talk



My mom asked why



and my dad was laughing hysterically cocking his gun in the background...



Ive lost friends, ive gained friends, got in touch with friends i didnt expect to ever talk to again.



Kinda found out who was on my side and who wasnt. Who was true and who wasnt.

I got almost every reaction in the book but mostly they were all pretty good.



So i have to get set up. They have me going between three hospitals and a medical center to get all the care i need. I wanted a midwife but because my pregnancy is a high risk pregnancy i have to be settled into a hospital.



Its high risk because i have Crohns Disease as well. They really have to monitor me. But its worth it. I have the best for me and the baby.



I had to move back to my parents house and i am working on getting my financial aid in to start college and to start getting money.

I just need to sign up for classes.



Plus i cant wait to be a student again. Im tired of sitting in the house. Ive just been so tired though.



Donald moved in with Nevah if i didnt already say that.

We both were stressed out, still are, he worries and doesnt voice them but he does i can tell.



I got everything set up for college, just setting up.

Mostly at the end of this month it was just filled with doctors appointments and baby info.



It went pretty smoothly at the end of July honestly. But hey in my life the smoothness doesnt last long.

Reality keeps our sanity.



Others realities are different from our own reality because we all have been through different experiences, have had different reactions to the experiences, and different feelings on the whole situations we have been in. Because of this we may think the other persons reality is insane because it doesnt quite match up with ours, may not match up at all... like the realities are so far apart that in order to comprehend their reality we call it insane because that is the farthest level of understanding we can get too. Our reality limits us to keep us safe and sane. we can see others realities, tell that the realities are different from ours and judge it based on our own reality. Sane or insane a reality is depending on the viewer. But what if we couldnt step into another reality by experience or change? What if we didnt have a reality at all... Now thats fucking insane.







Maybe when people are labeled with insanity thats what they have done. they lost their reality as well as the ability to step into others. They have gone so far that they couldnt even step back into their own. If we were to go so far with mind comprehension, not be afraid, and not come back, would we be labeled insane too? If your reality no longer matched up with others, it was so far out there you couldnt step back into a reality at all, even your own, where would that leave you? Are you anywhere? On a higher level that we cant see yet?







I think people need reality to keep us safe, contained and sane.



Right or wrong



Good or bad



How you preceive people, your surroundings, life, the world,



all this goes into your own reality based on your mind



and reality does keep us based. Centered.



Is it possible to step out of reality completely? Have people done so already?



Is our reality what limits us? but yet, do we need to be limited?



What are the limits ?



If we can achieve no reality, can we be open to any reality?



Can we step back into our own?



True, no reality is insane in my opinion but within that insanity can we possibly control it, well learn from it and veiw other people realities. Like stepping in and out of boxes. From one reality to another. Any one we chose.



Like the sane cant understand the insane, its already insane to us



but what if the insane can comprehend the sane?



But then wouldnt that make them the most sane out of any of the sane people?



That truely, they are sane



perhaps the insane just lose their function, like that insane amount or sanity is too much.



Maybe thats the trick, that if the insane dont lose their function then that makes them sane all over again.



Maybe the label of insanity is really out of the box thinking but its so out there that they have lost their grip on how to function as a human being and how to function in the world that the majority of the human race sees as fit.



These thoughts could drive a person insane if they keep thinkng on them,



some things we are not meant to comprehend.



So we go back to our reality.



It keeps us safe. It keeps us sane.



Maybe we need a bit of both. An even mix.



Insanity and sanity because even they are cycles and if we let the cycle continue just likes there thoughts that could drive us insane.



I could keep going, i really could. But im not that insane yet.



Or sane?



Yet another created cycle.



We live in cycles



they are all around us.



The cycles continue...