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I am so blissful because I have realized and confirmed that I have given away true love, that what I've felt was true, but quite sad as well, because I have lost it.

I carried on a relationship with the person I never thought I could fall in love with, we had such a unique story. He was the very first I introduce to my parents; so it was really something real. He was my first true love. Of course, it's the first time; I brought somebody home to meet my parents. As I was remembering my favorite line in the movie, Goodwill Hunting, that the only feeling of loss is when you love someone more than yourself. I woke up one day; my love for myself began when my love for that person ended.

heartbreak truly is a life teaching us a lesson. I learned that the art of letting go is mathematically proportional to the art of self-preservation. I've once read in a newspaper that like all ethics and etiquette's "letting go and preserving one's self are crafts that can be learned and mastered by people who want to get out of crude and rude vicious cycle." These are the summation of a person's conscious conviction with nerve-wracking and heart-wrenching feelings-to be happy and complete in one's silence and solitude. They say, love is full of explanation, that even Confucius and Shakespeare are perplexed by a mysterious power and beauty. Henry David Thoreau, a writer and philosopher, said that there is no remedy to love but to love more. And love experts Leo Buscalgia declares, "Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life." However, loving yourself more by letting go of someone who loves you less or doesn't love you anymore makes you a better person.

While coping up with my solitude and attending my Psychology class, I ask Mr. Magdato, a teacher and a friend, why there are people who are not contented and quite unhappy with their lives. He explained that there are those people who haven't truly love themselves. That's correct. "They have love others more than they've love themselves and forgotten that they have their own lives t live and love," he added. I could not object to that, he's right.

The truth about love is that, it's like a double-edge sword. My favorite columnist Dero Pedero once highlighted in his column, a statement from an anonymous writer, "Love is like a fire. Whether its going to warm your heart or burn your house down, you'll never know." Problems concerning the affairs of the heart cannot be remedied right away. Letting go is a part of problem management. A lot of people suffer from broken-heartedness because they do not want to move on. Why hold on to someone who could not love you or couldn't love you back anymore? Why do you have to stick with the person who will choose on-line games and being with friends but you? Put your self up. Empower yourself. Promise yourself that you will only love him or her until the day he or she loved you. A healing priest once said, "No one has the monopoly of power.What you can do to me, I can also do to you."

We have choices and options in life. Happiness is a choice, a decision and a responsibility. The art of letting go starts from the ultimate conviction that you love yourself more and you believe that you don't deserve to be hurt. My mother told me before when she saw me crying, "When you feel hurt, alone and down, don't go to the one you love. But instead, go to the one who loves you."

To the couples who continually hurt each other, it comes to a point when you have to make a decision whether or not to love is enough to a save a relationship; whether or not to love and passion are sufficient to keep the embers of your affair burning. But if the neglecting and hurting situations are irreparable, that's the to bid to each other goodbye. and if you decide coming back to each others arms and hurt each other again, love becomes self-defeating, a practice in being useless and an exercise of futility. Having an open mind and open heart will always go a long, long way too. There are many other people who are worth loving, individuals who are worth caring for; people who will give equal emotional investment.

I remember Bum Tenorio, a writer and businessman wrote that love is economics too. That there is a supply of emotion and because there is a demand for it; irregularities between the supply and demand of emotion creates a commotion. "Either there will be a deficit of love or a surplus of love that becomes asphyxiating." he added. The demand should only meet the supply. That venturing into an amorous relationship involves investment of time, effort, energy and life. Thus, there should be equal share or equitability between partners. Love should unconditional but if you settle for anything less then that is tantamount to doing a great disservice to yourself. That's not love anymore. That's insanity perhaps.

Learn the art of letting go. Learn how to pick up the broken pieces of your life.

Go to some quite places or talk to a good person. There's more life after separating from the person to whom you gave your all. And don't ever blame yourself for giving your all because you can have it back at the same basis. If your emotional capitalization is 100 percent, you can retrieve it again at a hundred percent basis as well.

If you want to cry , then cry. Cry some more. don't just keep it. It's okay to cry because you get hurt. Sometimes we have to practice "catharsis"; it's the act of crying out all the negative feelings inside and feel better after. Tears cleanse the soul and purify the spirit. God puts tears in our eyes because He wants to create a rainbow in our hearts. But never run around like a headless chicken. Don't give that person who hurt you the chance to see you suffer. Or don't cut your wrists, don't kill the person you love by letting his or her conscience bother him or her. If we go by the rule of authenticity, there's no love loss then. You will not authentically love someone unless you authentically love yourself. Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all, remember? How could you give away something when you don't have, right? This is because at the end of the equation and logic you will find yourself bleeding but fighting, not to win the person you love back but to win back yourself. Wounded but still continuing a sure-win battle of conquering your own weakness and fears.



If you are the one who has been left alone or the aggrieved party, part of moving on is forgiving the person who hurt you. As what I've learned, forgiveness is a grace from God and coming back are two different things; you can forgive but that doesn't mean you have to come back to each others arms again. Now, if you have aggrieved someone, learn to apologize. Every individual have learned to say sorry even before we went to preschool. "Those who don't know how to plead I'm sorry are insulting our capacity to forgive". I couldn't forget that statement from my best friend who has been there for me, ever since.



Part of letting go is learning how to love again. That we look for love because we wanted to be accepted for the sloppy way we dress, for the clumsy way we eat our meals, for bad hair days and for simplicity in us. Love is an act of acceptance, that with all our imperfections, we are accepted and loved.



As the song goes, "my heart has a mind of its own", but I do say mind over heart. Don't let your emotions overpower your capacity to think and decide. Go out. Think of the song that like this, "Someday,someones gonna love me the way I wanted you to need me. Someday, someone's gonna take your place. One day, I'll forget about you. You'll see I won't even miss you. Someday".





Speaking from experience, I have felt such loneliness when I was with the person I love.



That's right. Maybe somehow they have stolen our faith in love but let's think of learning to love the people who are willing to love us in the present. Forget the people in the past and thank them for hurting you, which will lead you to love the person you have right now.



And let go. Just let go.



♥♥♥

I’VE been drowning myself with DVD series lately and other teen flicks. Actually, most of them are chick flicks and are pretty “shallow” shows and they’re US-based; but I discovered a lot of alarming female teenager patterns which actually still exist today, here, in the Philippines.

I am particularly hooked on The Hills, a semi-reality TV show about this girl from an affluent family in Laguna Beach, Lauren Conrad, who’s off to study fashion in Los Angeles, California. (I used semi-reality because I remember reading via a US Cosmopolitan magazine that Lauren Conrad said that some parts of the Hills weren’t real, unlike Laguna Beach.) She recently got an internship in Teen Vogue magazine and she’s being followed by the camera as she goes to school, work, partying with her friends and dates with the boys she went out with. The show particularly revolves around the rich lifestyle, just like Gossip Girl, but there’s a reason why I’m drawn to it more than just fashionable clothes.

Moreover, 90210, another teen show which features teenagers from Beverly Hills, also captured the same women’s issues which I found were very glaring in The Hills. I listed them up below:



Staying in abusive relationships. There are a lot of reasons why women stay in abusive relationships. One, they might be financially dependent on their boyfriends. (Wow, just like marriage, huh? Can’t leave the husband coz he’s sending the kids to school?) Two, and here’s the sharper dagger, women are emotionally dependent onto them. I’ve seen a lot of women who stay in abusive relationships because “it was better than not having a boyfriend at all.” For them, a boyfriend is like a social symbol, an advertisement that you are loved. Then there’s the unconditional love reason, which still really irks a lot when all they could muster was “I can’t leave him, I love him” when they’re asked why they still stay with such dumpbags.

Princess complex. Okay, every girl who’s in The Hills or in 90210 was probably born with the silver spoon in their mouth, and, probably, a diamond tiara in their heads. There, every woman thinks that she should be treated like a princess and that she deserves the best in the world. Okay, there’s nothing wrong with wanting the best and THINKING about what you truly deserve, it’s just that these women get all too territorial, bossy, and overly clingy. (Shudders.)

Thinking that because you’re young you have the license to be careless. Most of the kids in these shows always go to parties, getting drunk, damaging their legs with killer heels, and even hook up with someone who they just met because they’re young and they deserve it. They always say “have fun” and the less smart ones neglect school because of wasted nights (which turn into wasted mornings). It’s okay to have fun once in a while, but even if your parents have enough money to put you up in twelve business degrees, you should still remember that education is important and that at the end of the day, our lifestyles will catch up on us. Remember that.

I don’t mean to be a killjoy. I used to watch these shows for lighthearted entertainment but it turned out to be heavier than CSI because I kept analyzing certain behavioral patterns which I can fully relate to. Oh well, I guess we, young people need to be more logical and reasonable in our decisions. As what I’ve said, life will eventually catch up on HOW we had been living it and just unlike in The Hills and 90210, there’s no “Cut”, “do over” or “rewind.”