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i'm probably boring you with my daily entries at this point, which is really quick, which makes it really sad. but im writing daily for 2 reasons, 1, make sure i dont have an excess of things to rant about, and 2, itll keep a log of how many days ive been a member. so yeah. anyways, sick, cold, woke up way too early, and tired, so im gonna do a couple more things and then im going back to the warmth of bed and blankets.

she stretches, and prepares to type whatever comes to her mind. she had intended on just coming online to look up how to kill some random zelda enemy, instead, she had gotten immediately on this site, and was quickly surprised at the sheer..... niceness... no, thats not right..... friendlyness of everyone she has encountered on this site for the 'damned'. which of course is a referance to the fact that most of modern society considers anyone who falls outside of the norm to be damned. which of course leads to beatings, mocking, tormenting, bullying, random ostricizing, and things of the sort. However, following one of her major morals, (if your doing something you feel you must hide, you shouldnt be doing it), she answers questions truthfully, and when assholes and whatnot set her up for hell on earth, she answered truthfully.... morals, the entryway to hell, and yet, the ticket to heaven... at least so she thinks.



anyways, im not feeling up to much third person today, so i guess itll be mainly first person. so, im sitting here at my computer, thinking back on the hell ive gone through. im also thinking about my friends' personal hell. i am connecting the hells, and realizing that my background, and my friends' backgrounds match. granted, other than my fiance, im the only one i know in real life who's stomache doesnt turn at the thought of tasting blood. not even in what i consider my previous life. which in this case would be any time before my awakening. my mother used to partake in blood, from what shes told me, but now she says shes grown out of actually drinking it. i however dont believe its just a phase that can be grown out of. she may have moved onto a differant form of feeding. psi, maybe. i however, am a mixture, if that makes sense. i get drained, i drink blood, its generally a twice monthly thing, and in between those times, i feed off of energy. however, i tend not to do it in a preditory manner. i tend to only use the excess that is given during shows of strong emotion. the only time anyone feels drained, is when i actually drink from them. lol. granted, i proceed to give it right back when i am the doner, but i believe a successful relationship requires an equal exchange of energy.



anyways, back to other things. yesterday was my fiance's birthday, and normally a person would be happy about their birthday, but he kind of dreads his birthday. bad things usually happen on it. which makes me curious, is there a possibility that he's cursed? or was, cause the only bad thing that happened yesterday was me getting sick. so, if he was cursed, he may not be anymore, or maybe he still is and it just skipped a year. let me know what you guys think about the possibility of a curse. im not entirely sure if curses are something i personally believe in, but im still exploring a wide variety of things, trying to fully....oh, whats the word? well, im trying to find out what all i believe in and what all i dont.



random (hopefully wise) thought of the day:

if you have to hide something, you euither a) shouldnt do it, or b) better have a damn good reson as to why you need to hide it when its not bad or evil.









broth jerky: i made it yeasterday, its broth that accidentily tasted like jerky.

so, first off, im not going to give you any background on me or catch you up on what my lifes been like up till now. if you actually follow the journal, than youll catch my referances to my past and piece together a vague, if somewhat foggy....... background, i suppose, about me. so, lets begin.



*tweedles thumbs, looking around, sighs with a heavy heart and stands up, clearing her throat and raising her hand, while looking at the other seated members of the group*



"hi" she croaks nerviously at the others, as she looks around," I'm lexxy, and i just need a safe place to talk, rant, and get things off my chest. i figure that a place where nobody knows anything about my irl identity would be a good place to start, because then nobody can tell my secrets..." she says as she sits down, puts in her headphones, to stop the panic attack that standing up in front of the people caused, and turns on 3 doors down, 'here without you' ((any songs mentioned in my journals are what im listening to at the time. do not judge, and do not comment unless its positive please)), watching the other people go one at a time. you, humble, or not so humble, reader, have most likely figured out by now that i occassionally writer in a.... third(?) person pov..... fbut that is fine. im sure youll get my drift. I don't honestly have nothing to rant about. unless you really want to hear about this cute techy guy at a store near my house... or, even more important, and loved, my fiance. but, ill probably write about him/them at a later date. so, im listening to 'im just a kid' by blink 182, and i realized, i dont know any happy music... wait!!! i got it!!! marley!!!!!!! pot smoken reaggea (spelling uis way off) hah, i got a smile and a laugh. neways, im gonna go actually pay attention to my broth, tea, and man, in not that order.

COMMENTS

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Alastriona
18:34 Sep 10 2010

Such an interesting way to start your journal and I enjoyed it very much. Don't be nervous. There are many very nice people on here.

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