Broken Threads02:12 Apr 09 2007
Times Read: 683
I haven’t a clue what has been going on in my head lately, but it isn’t good.
I’ve stopped taking the paxil. I don’t like how it makes me feel. I’m not talking about the depression or stuff. But I always feel fat and puffy. And I haven’t really gained any weight. I just don’t like it…so that dr can shoved. I’m going to take the prozac until I run out, then go from there. Who knows.
I’m going to go live in this little hut, with a lifetime of books. I just want to be alone. I don’t really know why either.
My heart hurts for a very dear friend that I work with. And I somehow feel responsible in part for what happen. Her husband shot himself. The marriage was in trouble to begin with. She was only trying to save it because she was pressured into it by her family. Her heart wasn’t in it. And she was seeing another man that we both had worked with for a time. I seen how happy he made her and I was working on getting them together. And then he goes and does this. I should have had more compassion for him. But instead I was helping her. The guilt is pretty much eating at me. I can’t even imagine how she must be doing. My heart literally breaks for her and I can’t do anything to make it better.
I brushed the horses for a little bit today. I almost rode Lea but seen she had lost her shoes. Since my mood sucked, I wasn’t real disappointed anyway. I brushed Dandy the longest. God I miss riding him so much. He is still the best looking horse up there. I guess I’m biased *shrugs*
I still don’t feel any better. This broncittis is getting the best of me. I go to the dr tomorrow. I can hear me wheezing when I breath. And this cough takes my breath away and the cough syrup isn’t helping. I took some a bit ago, hopefully it will help me sleep. So not looking forward to going into work tomorrow, even if I do get off an hour early.
Easter turned out ok. Brianna made a killing on baskets. I doubt she’ll eat all that candy. I only got her a book, but Karen went all out and got her all kinds of stuff, such as toys and clothes. I tell ya, that woman likes to flaunt her money or shopping abilities or something. Who knows. We had dinner at my dads. Got full of ham and noodle salad.
I got all my crap ready for work tomorrow, so I’m off to bed. Ya I know it’s early, but I’m tired as hell and haven’t really done anything. Andy took a nap, so I know he’ll be up all night. Hopefully my coughing won’t keep me awake.
This is me signing out…
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