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okay i know a lot of you don't know my health shit

and then a lot of you do

and incase you all wondered, i'm not good at formal writing

but as of today

my liver is enflamed and i need to go back in to the hospital for more treatments

i'll be back on when i can but i have a feeling that i won't be on a lot....

i will miss you all

Love always,

Lil

aka

Emma

COMMENTS

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ladySnowStrixx
02:34 Jan 23 2011

OK Emma I,ll say a prayer to the goddess for ya and hope you get better.

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xxKontradictionxx
03:11 Jan 23 2011

Feel better my new Friend.



*hugs*

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slipknotbabe356
19:41 Jan 23 2011

Get well soon!

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TheOrc
12:26 Jan 24 2011

you will be in My thoughts and prayers daily nibblet. I hope to see you well soon.

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deathrydr
19:10 Jan 25 2011

Em, I'm gonna see you it that you are taken care of.

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i am so SICK

and tired of the tears

the runny noses and blotchy skin

with puffy red eyes and bloodshot pupils

of the denial and hurt

and pain and lonliness



of the blame and the shit that i get

on a daily basis

of being told "I can't be hurting this friendship

because all we ever were was accquaintances emma."

i'm BETTER THEN THAT

i may be weak

dying

angry

cold

and sure i'm a bitch

and an ass hole

and i'm FUCKED the hell up

but you don't KNOW ME

if you took the time

to KNOW ME

STOP accusing me and that it was MY FAULT

that I never talked to you

because you knew DAMN WELL that communication is a 2 way street

and GUESS WHAT

i'm dying

do you give a shit?

NO!

you DONT and THAT is what is wrong with you

me?

everything else

is wrong

anger

defeat

rage

hatred

depression

all of it

wrong

wrong

wrong

wrong

WRONG!



i'm TIRED of doing nothing but fucking up

of being emotionally detatched

an not being able to just open up to people

unless i'm screaming my head off

and anger

turning into 3-4 hours of tears and self loathing

COMMENTS

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markus666
19:52 Jan 22 2011

There is time, when we, as human, need to understand where we stand in life. The emotion destruction of a heart and soul, because another human, is incomprehensible, mean, why stop living life, just because our emotions and feeling want to control the inner of the soul and heart. We are individuals, created with our own individuality; We always must use the "I" first, before the "we". Do not let others control you, you are the most beautiful lady that I know and for that, I want to you to only think about you and nobody else, HELL with others you are a princess and this so call life.

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and i know you're busy....and I'm so young in this life.... I know that i can't take back what i did... every time i need you........i find this song again and listen and weep over my mistakes and memories



and the pain i see in you is reflected because of me...

oh how dumb i was.....

but that would be a lie...

they put me on lidocaine for the pain i'm in......

6 doctors so far have all told me they can't figure out whats wrong with me other then what they already knew

my lymph nodes are vissably swollen, white blood cell count is way down, and i'm tired of being sick



when will you just take the pain away from me and let it end?

WHEN!?!?!

please..........please dear god let it be soon.........

i'm tired of going through this day after day with no help, i need something more then addictive pain killers and high risk surgeries........

13 days.............

13 days and it will officially be a year since i last saw your smiling face and joked that i wouldn't talk to you again if you kept callin me meg.... if i let you call me meg will i wake up tomorrow with you knockin on my door like we did every day in high school to go play basketball or football with the others? please?

COMMENTS

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markus666
22:44 Jan 11 2011

cool!!!! His lost is a happines to someone else; The one that can hold the key to your heart, the feelings of your mind and the beauty of your soul.

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ladylilac
22:56 Jan 11 2011

. . .he's dead . . .

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littleimp
07:50 Jan 12 2011

so sorry to hear that

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so.......not really sure what to write

just know i need to write SOMETHING new or else i will bother myself...a lot...until i do

well things have been looking rather on the gray side recently.

things that havent changed:

- still hate doctors

- still love my brother

- single.........yay *sarcasm*

- health deteriorating

- depressed



Changed thingies!!!

- they're finally gunna try and get me on anti depressants

- i just scratched the stitches open on my abdomen and just drank my own blood...yum

- i'm likely dropping out of school soon

- i have no friends

- my camera broke so NO MOREPICS FOR EMMA *sobs*

- i'm failing....everything





okay...well that was a depressing self-pittying entry...urgh

w.ever...

it IS 5:15am emm...

yes i know, i know, jesus dtop acting like my mother







okay thats not good i'm typing to myself having multiple conversations

and with THAT note

i need to sleep 0-0

good night my fellow creatures of the night

COMMENTS

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sippa
04:58 Jan 11 2011

my sweet, things always look grim from time to time, but you are wrong....you have at least 1 friend in me

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ladylilac
21:42 Jan 11 2011

thank you sippa :)

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markus666
22:41 Jan 11 2011

Cool!!! Keep writing and I will keep posting. Your writing can make the my soul happy. Miss talkint to you.

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