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well, so much for full recovery. on friday, just an hour or two before the end of the day i started to get a bit of a pain in my chest whilst carrying some monitors into the building. my own fault for trying to carry them tables earlier - getting overconfident. i rested a while, and thought i'd be fine, but at the end of the day, just as i was getting ready to shut everything down, i suddenly got a stabbing pain in my chest, my legs buckled under me, and i was left with a pain in my shoulder, and ringing in my ears. i recovered fairly soon, but it's clear i'm not 100 %



still, on the upside - i got to take my GF to a friend's party at a rock club on saturday night, which was pretty cool. i took things easy, and didnt even drink much - very tired though.



my goddess, she looked fantastic - i wanted to fall to my knees and worship her.

yes - i mentioned changes didnt i?

first of all, that relationship with Lesley was a total fiasco - i should never have let her into my life. actually, as i recall, she didnt really give me the choice - just barged into my life like a storm, and left pretty much the same way. the ending was quite civilized - she invited me out to a drink with her friends, bought me something strong, and told me she was seeing someone else, and it wasnt really working between us. she finds me too weird - she's okay with that, but her friends are talking.



christ! how shallow is that?



also - she can't stand me bossing her about and telling her how to live her life. she needs that - her life is a mess, she's out of control, and actually she bossed me about more than i bossed her about.



i was pissed off to be honest, because she forced her way into my life, kept stalking me til i gave in - and then she dumps me! okay - i admit i dumped her first - but i went back to her after she tried to cut her wrists.



anyway, it wasn't very long before i realised i was so much better off without her messing up my life, and i was glad to be rid of her.



it's my own fault i guess - my friends warned me to stay away from her, but i felt sorry for her. and she was very passionate.



anyway, i've met someone better now. someone nice, and lovely, and who deserves all i can do for her, and all the love i can give.



i have also been promoted at work, and got a raise - so i can finally afford to get on the property ladder.



so it seems this year is going to be so much better than last year - which quite frankly was a nightmare.



oh, except for the pub, and nick and wendi's wedding. the wedding and handfast was great. and i really loved the morecambe hotel. sadly, nick and wendi had to give it up last year and it closed down. i miss it.

i think i should start using my journal again. i stopped using it for quite a while, but i thought it was time to use it again.



so much has happened, so many changes.



the heart situation is sort of okay. cardiologist cant be sure, but he thinks i'm okay. there is a little enlargement, and there is a slight abnormality in my pulse - but nothing really serious.



i have noticed recently that my heart has learned how to impersonate my mobile phone - it sort of buzzes sometimes, and it feels like my mobile phone is going off - but as i have felt this when my mobile phone isnt even switched on, and on one occasion when my mobile was left at home - its obvious that my heart is playing tricks on me. i do love an organ with a sense of humour.



sometimes my pulse is too fast. when it is, my blood pressure is normal. when my pulse is normal - my blood pressure is high. not sure which is best.



but the fact the cardiologist could not find any serious problem means i've recovered from my little problem, so i'm feeling quite optimistic.



i've not been bothered by much hay fever this year, and my asthma is under control.



the only real problem is the IBS - that is getting worse. i've learned to just put up with it, and accept it as an inconvenience.

well, i did it - i survived another year. this time last year i thought i was dying, but i survived. i feel a lot healthier now; i've been eating healthier, and taking things a bit easier. i had my scan a few months back, and the results were quite encouraging. not very conclusive - the cardiologist couldn't say for definite that i'm okay - my heart is a little enlarged, and the heartbeat is a bit abnormal - but i'm not in any emediate danger.



i feel positive