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Well there is a new Pope. I suppose that is nice, for those that think they need one. I think he looks evil. But anyway I have cramps. And these cats are driving me nuts. I do not want to go to work. I love Alan. I am not listening to ABK sorry Alan I can not find my head phones and you know I only like to hear a cd for the first time through head phones. I will listen to it tonight perhaps. Did I mention I have cramps? Really bad ones. I need you here with me. You could rub my tummy and while you are at it my feet too Alan! I love you. Cuz you do it so well! Did I mention I love you? If not, Alan I love you. I miss you too. It is finally really starting to sink in that you will be here in like 2 months! Less than that really. I knew it all along but now I am starting to become really impatient about it. I want you here now! I can not wait to wrap my arms around you again, and I am not letting go this time and you can not make me. Nothing is going to take you away from me anymore, there will be no more goodbyes! And when we are together I will not have to have thoughts of you leaving in a few days in the back of my mind. It will be such a relief. I love you! Talk to you later baby doll.

The past few weeks have been terribly hard on me. Starting this new job, and some relationship troubles. It has all just been weighing down on me a lot. But I finally feel like things are getting better. I knew all along they would, it was just a matter of when. So thank you Alan for being patient and strong. Things are going to be even better very soon. I can not wait until you live here with me. Our lives will finally be able to begin. I love you, I love you, I love you.

I miss the way things use to be. When you tried so hard to please. It is not that I want you to have to try, at this point the pleasing should just come naturally. But each day it seems like you care less. I am stuck in this mess. I am holding on to someone, who just keeps pulling away. Maybe I should let you go, and see if you will stay. I have thought about it, but I am scared that you are going to turn away. I do not think I am making you happy anymore. If that is true than please tell me that we can not be. At this point I think a response like that, would be better than none at all. I do not want to cry myself to sleep again... wishing you would call, to tell me that your sorry... when you're really not at all.

I am bored.... someone once told me it was rude to start a letter with those words. It gives the reader a since that even while communicating with them, you are still not enjoying yourself, and therefore are finding the reader to be boring as well. I suppose that could be true, I however meant nothing by those words, only that I really am bored.... but maybe not anymore now, since I have something to do! The Pope died. It is a sad loss I am sure, at least for those who looked to him. In my opinion though that entire religion is wrong. Does it not say to have no other Gods, in the commandments? I am sure it does, so it just seems like a hypocrisy to me. I know they do not think him a God, but they still bow down to him... that is nearly the same thing. Sorry if I have offended. I do not understand all of the catholic religion and therefore I am only speeking on the things that I do understand. But I also know that you can find the same exact hypocrisy in every religion so it is not to say that one is better or worse than another. All I can say for myself is that I do not attend church, but I believe in God and I know Jesus, and he is my savior. There is no hypocrisy in that, at least.