well i found out last week that the college i was going to is a scam everest college is a fucking joke i mean i spent the past 3 months there busting my ass to pass just to find out that all my shit are worth less and i am pissed about it and believe me i am sueing them to get all my money back and then make them pay me for my time i spent there i mean fuck what can i do i sat there for 12 weeks and i have nothing to show for it and i have to start all over again i mean it is just wrong they did not tell me that i can not transfer my credits and that no one wil hire me and all that shit so i am pisssed
well over the past few weeks i have been getting fed up with texas all the people the heat and just every thing well i was thinking of dropping out of school and running with my tail tucked between my legs back home to oregon well then i was out walking and do a paper for school and i was talking to this old homeless man about him and he talk about the choices he had made and how after he came home after the war he did not stick with any thing and he ran every time something got hard and how he gave up every time something did not go his way and he seen that every one gave up on him and how he ended up on the streets with nothing not even love and how he has wanted to change that but he felt that he could not change and it made me think of what i was doing and it showed me that i was running away from what i needed to do and i seen my self in his eyes and it scared me bad and i thought that if i ran then why would i not just keep running and end up like him home less with no family or no one to help and then i remembered what a old pastor told me when i was wrong god helps them who help them selves and i see that if i ran that i was the biggest loser in the world and that i as a person was not doing what was right... and i know that the whole 9 years in the army and two tours in iraq they always talk abou the hard right and the easy worng and i know that to pack up and run was the easy wrong and that is wrong in every way and i had it in my head saying that it was the hard right and staying here in texas is the hard right becasue in my home town i have family that i ca fall back on and here i have no one and i am forced to walk tall and i know that failing is not a choice and i know tha it is either live or die and i know that i will not give up and die so the hard right is to stay here in texas and not run back home and any way i have been out of klamath falls for going on 12 years now and why should i go back any time soon i mean for the longest time my family did not want me and now that my sister needs a free home for her and the kids she is going to be my sister but a few years ago when i needed her she was not there for me you know what fuck her she slept in her bed now she can make it and all the other fuckers up there they chose to stay there in that town that is goign down hill faster then a lead sinker in water so what would i have to gain by going home nothing but another easy wrong for me to put in the big book of easy wrongs i have done in my life and i know that the one i did that i can not and will not take back is leaving my mother when she needed me the most but yet that was for my own life and health but still it was the lesser of two evils so i am just done with running and done with giving up on my self if no one thinks i can do it fuck them it is my life and i live it how i chose and if they do not like it then fuck them and they can just bitch away
how can we has a race define true evil...is it a person or and force or just a way to look at the bad things that has happen to people i mean how can you know a person is evil or that something is good is there a guide that gives the guide lines to what is good and godly and what is evil or is that just what the bible says what is good and what is evil and how can you believe the bible because there is so meany different bibles out here and each one says something different so how do you see what is good and what is evil and how do we know that the god that we as a race follows is the right god...for all we know it could be the evil that we follow so in your mind what do you believe tell me.
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I think all that matters is what you personally feel in your heart. Don't go by what others or even the bible says because it could be wrong and there's no way to know what's except for what you feel in heart.
i think that good and bad can only be verified by the person themselves. for example, what i see as bad and good may not be what someone else sees as bad and good. not only that, but pertaining to the bible and god...there's so many things in the bible that should've happened already supposedly that hasn't...so is it real? i would have to say no cause if it was then why hasn't any of it happened? as for god...one it depends on your religion, and two it depends on your beliefs. not everyone believes in the same god...even though some people will come out and say that it's all related and all, that's not necessarily true. like i was baptized catholic, but i practice wicca...and that's based more on gods and goddesses...which means that one...we believe in more than just one god and/or goddess.....and we worship the earth, mother nature, etc.....but like my family who's catholic, they believe in one god and only one god...that everything the bible says is so, and that's just what they believe. so it's every persons choice.
well in my life i have had a lot of ups and downs but today i guess that some times a song just fits and just to show i have songs that fit my life
well some times i wonder why i stay here day after day when all i do is just well take it and is some one says something nice to me then there is a fight but is i get cussed at or ran down it is ok or if i say some thing wrong or any thing i feel thati can not do any thing right in the place
well over the past few days my moods have been doing a down hill slide and i know why... to give some back ground i am a small town boy from a town of 500 ppl yes i know not even a spot on a map but yet i called it home and now i a in the city of dallas texas and i can not stand it at all i know that the big city is where every thing is now but yet i can not stand it just because of the fact that it is like people stacked on top of people and there is no room or anything it is all city and i know that is where the jobs are but yet i hate it.... and still how can people live like that i mean it is like all i see is city and more city and i know that out in the country i can breath and see the sky not smoke or lights or stuff like that and i miss it and i need it i mean i have been here for almost a year now and yet i can not understand why any one would want to live here
well i have been talking to a old friend/ ex girlfriend from back in the day and to day she is happy and married and has kids and all that good stuff and right now all i have is me and my self and i know it hurts but i also know that all the good woman are taken and i know that what woman want like fancy cars and good job and all that i do not have well i can get the good job but fancy cars and all that stuff no i do not want and i guess i am just a back wards hillbilly that is living in the past still but what i want in a woman is simple and easy and i know that for what it is worth i will never find it so i feel the best thing for me is to keep my heart on a shelf and in a box so i can not get it broke again ok
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now that is not true , it might take awhile to find her but she is out there, and you,ll meet her when you least expect it , go out , have a good time don't be looking , believe me she,ll find you. be truthful and honest and tell her what you want and don't want . just give it time .
be careful, women are evil mean and nasty.
Not all women want that stuff
I agree with the previous comments: Not all women are materialistic, and you'll get the right one when you stop obsessing over her...she'll come!
well after a while of trying to get my old access to my old account and hitting walls i am feeling the effects of my pain killers now and i am high and feeling good but not tired at all...got to love ptsd the gift that keeps giving
well i guess i am older but yet none the less i found this site the first time when i was in Iraq on my 2nd tour and was on it every day for a while well i was healing up from wounds i had gotten over there but after a while i went back to my dutys and then had lost my e-mail and all that and now that i have gotten time on my hands again well other then job hunting and school i just been in the slow lane of the infomation superhighway and i know that right now i am not happy but not unhappy either just in that limbo right now and i know that once something changes i will feel better well other then my body pains and all that good stuff and i know that i am a good guy and i have a kind heart but some time i think that i am too kind and too sweet for my own good. well tonight i spoke my mind and then no one listened to me and i know that what i said was right but yet every one else says that it was wrong and what is right and wrong good or bad well i guess i can not tell any more and to tell the truth when i was looking though my sniper scope it was just so much easier to see what was right and what was wrong but now that i am out of the army i am finding it harder and harder to see it so i guess i will just keep going and if i end up alone then that is what is ment for me
COMMENTS
A soldier that doesn't usually speak his mind? Well, that's different :P
Hon, the one thing you must remember is most Civilians do not know what Right and wrong is, they find it easier to smile in your face and tell you a lie then say what they really mean behind your back.Just keep true to yourself and you,ll be fine.
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Bijou
07:54 Jun 30 2009
good to know that about them i was thinking about going there to finish my degree, but i guess i look at other schools now. thanks for the heads up