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Todlich Unterwasser Gefahr (Deadly Underwater Danger-Pt. 6)
21:08 Oct 12 2009
Times Read: 697


Chapter 3 – Shattered Life



I was watching the vampire's puzzled face as he examined the glowing, fading embers on his lover's skin intently. "Seriously," Rouleau stated. "I asked you to not scare him. This isn't what I had in mind. How did you go from 'don't scare him' to 'fuck me' mode? Not that I fault your methods," he scoffed, "obviously they were working.” I flushed and sucked in a sharp breath. The vampire looked at me and began to shake his head. The anger drained away to weariness very quickly.



“Michel,” I heard. It sounded nothing like Rouleau. It sounded half desperate and exasperated. “You have to understand why I don't want you to be alone with him like this...not ever again. It is too dangerous a risk. I am sorry. I left you here with him for a second because he was sleeping!"



Michel's face fell. "You are forbidding me from your room now," he whispered huskily. "Please try to understand when I say I am deeply offended," he stated stiffly before jerking his arm free and walking out of the room. He didn't look down at his pants. He didn't bother to pick them up. He walked out naked and not ashamed to show it.



Rouleau was a complete idiot. He let him walk away like that. I shook my head and turned over to go to sleep for real this time. It was none of my business, but no fool could like someone and allow them to leave when they were that hurt and angry. It was a dumb move. Although I had no business being biased, I had liked Michel. It was unusual to be so comfortable with another person. I already missed it. The vampire touched my temple, but my eyes were already closed and I saw no reason to open them again.



Rouleau sat on the bed where Michel had been. He reached out to touch the rounded knobs of my spine gently. “Neil, I know you don’t know me…and I know you don’t yet have a reason to trust me…” I started to make a sarcastic comment about that statement. He had left it wide open for rude commentary. I felt maybe that he sensed I wanted to, because he paused there briefly. He was probably just thinking of a way to word whatever was on his mind. “I adore Michel…”



I sensed a ‘but’, so I turned over and met his warm, chocolate eyes. They didn’t look quite so black all of a sudden. “You were rude to him…”



Rouleau looked puzzled. “Was I? I haven’t been myself the last few days…Konnig got angry with Mia. Did I tell you Mia had a heart-attack and was in the hospital?”



“No, but I gathered from your little lover that he was dying,” I stated softly. “I don’t mind; I don’t know him.”



“Neil,” Rouleau shook his head solemnly, “everyone should know their father. I made a deal with him, so if you see him hanging around…try not to tell anyone.”



“I thought he died. Did he get better?”



“I did not say that,” the vampire frowned looking tense. “He wanted to talk to you; I gave him the ability to do so. Whether he chooses to use it, or not, is up to the two of you.” Rouleau smiled wanly. Then, he touched my cheek thoughtfully. “Without hair, you look so very young still…”



“That would comfort me,” I chuckled, “if I did not know already that you were screwing Michel.”



Rouleau did not laugh. His eyes turned milk chocolate. “Michel chooses his face for his own reasons. I had nothing to do with that. I have gotten used to it, though…” The vampire didn’t sound like he liked the idea too much. “Tell me if I ever act like a monster. I am too old. My judgment is clouded by arrogance, knowledge, and time.”



I laughed with a casual, “Okay.”



Rouleau didn’t laugh. “All ancients should have someone young to tell us how terrible we have become,” he whispered. He sounded bitterly sad and lonely. I was confused. He hadn’t been anything except polite after stealing me from Konnig. I heard Michel waltz back into the room snatching up his clothing behind the vampire’s back. I looked at his angry profile. He was just as unashamed as when he had left. Rouleau did not react at first. It was a slow thing, but eventually…he turned and stood up. “Michel…”



Instead of leaning over to snatch up each article, Michel fell to his hands and knees gathering them up all at once. It was as if he had changed his mind and wanted to leave swiftly all of the sudden. Then, he stopped. I could see his narrowed eyes from the bed. He was furious. Rouleau was walking closer to a time-bomb…and he seemed too tired to understand that stiff body was about to blow up on him.



“I haven’t got the energy to fight with you,” Rouleau sighed, “but I hate seeing you so upset.”



Michel laughed softly looking disgusted. “I thought Mia was a fluke. I thought he was…a temporary infatuation. I could deal with that.” He started shaking his head sadly.



“Michel, please…” Rouleau reached out to draw him up from the floor…perhaps only to meet his elusive eyes.



Michel shrugged him away with an explosive, “Get your hands off of me!”



Rouleau backed up more than a few steps looking completely startled and confused. Michel shuddered. “Alright,” the vampire growled slightly upset by his vehemence. He even lifted his hands a little. Michel looked at him stone-faced. The look made the vampire’s eyes narrow.



“You throw some fit for a whore…and then you get all mushy after some stupid human…” Michel’s voice didn’t sound so sweet and lovable all of a sudden. “Of all of the people in the worlds, why did you have to bring him home with you?” Him being me, I assumed, when Rouleau glanced my way and the anger faded out of his tired eyes.



“This has nothing to do with that…”



“Don’t lie…don’t lie to me! It has everything to do with that! Aw, I know exactly who he is, honey!” The sarcasm dripping from those words almost choked him. “How could you throw me off for that man’s seed? He isn’t one of them! He isn’t human!” The two stared each other down.



“I really can’t deal with this…” Rouleau looked too numb and exhausted to work up an argument. “I am sorry. I know you are upset…and I am sorry, but I can’t deal with this right this second, Michel.” The vampire walked toward the bathroom, but only made it into the doorway. He slid down to sit against the wall with his eyes closed.



I glanced at Michel. His face kept shifting from anger to sadness to guilt. Finally, he stood and tugged on his pants slowly. Then, he walked over to stand above Rouleau. When the vampire looked up, his eyes were pure black. Michel slid down to his knees and hugged him. It was quiet and solemn. That alone gave away their age. There were no useless words or tears…just silence: nose-to-nose understanding.



Finally, it was Rouleau who made a comment. “A whore…and a stupid human,” he sighed softly.



Michel winced. “I am not sorry I said that,” he stated firmly, “just sorry that it hurt you.” With a soft sigh, I drifted off into sleep. I was relieved for reasons I couldn’t name, because the two of them were no longer fighting...for the moment. I had no idea why it disturbed me, but I had never liked fighting of any kind. I don’t know how long they sat there. I felt refreshed when I awoke to more arguing.



“Michel, don’t just walk out of here twice without talking to me! Please, this has not been the greatest day in my history…I can’t think of a damn thing to say that isn’t something you can twist up just to torment me,” the vampire stated softly.



“Oh, now I am the one tormenting you? That is real rich!” I heard a soft gasp. I resisted the urge to look at them. “Let me go,” Michel squeaked sounding a little scared.



“Michel, I have tried everything I know how to make you happy. Where have I gone wrong? I thought you liked it here…”



“I did,” Michel whispered.



“Is this because he is coming here? You are going to skip out to keep him from finding you? Don’t you think I can keep you safe anymore?”



“It isn’t that, Rouleau! Gods, why do you always think it has to do with that?”



“Doesn’t it always,” Rouleau stated in an acidic voice. “Why are you scared, Michel? You have been since I told you he was coming here!”



“This has nothing to do with anyone except you!” There was an awkward pause. I crept my eyes open just a touch. Michel was wearing a soft, barely male short robe over his pants. His shirt hung forgotten in Rouleau's hand. Michel held his wrist like it was hurting him. Michel looked away sadly. “I knew he was coming before you did,” he whispered.



I saw a shift in Rouleau’s face. It went deadly in a heartbeat. “Get out,” the vampire hissed. “If you didn’t tell me, I don’t want you in this house.”



Michel let his breath out slowly. “So that is the way it is going to go…”



“You have to know why,” Rouleau bit out tersely.



“And you have to know I had no choice,” Michel whispered as he shook his head. “I didn’t hurt your boy,” Michel hissed. “Gods, I hate it when the two of you put me in the middle of this shit! It isn’t fair!” Michel whipped around leaving. Rouleau threw the shirt at his back furiously.



“You little shit,” Rouleau growled in a tormented voice. “I saved your life from that bastard and you are going back to him. Just like that; without a word of explanation!”



“Who said I wanted to go back,” Michel sighed. Then, he turned to look at the vampire with his heart in his eyes. “Gods, you treated me good. I have never had it so good. For all of that, you don’t see me…I am just some stupid kid you couldn’t watch him kill.”



Tears fell heavily down Michel’s face. “You were my best friend. You always will be that. I am sorry, Rouleau…I have to go. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t stay here pretending you see me the same way I see you when it is so very obvious,” Michel stated looking at the bed and my semi-open eyes, “that you do not. I didn’t hurt your boy, baby. I like him. Try to keep him safe.” There looked like so much more he wanted to say, but he changed it at the last second to “ because I don’t want to watch him die too.”



“Michel, don’t walk out of here,” Rouleau begged softly.



“Why not,” Michel asked giving him one last chance to say the right thing. Michel’s eyes were full of things he wanted to say and didn’t. Anyone looking at him could see how much he loved him and didn’t want to leave him. “You don’t have a clue, do you? Don’t walk out ‘because I said so’ doesn’t cut it here, you know. Don’t walk out because you don’t want to see me getting my face kicked in again might have been something. Hell, Rouleau…Go back to your fucking lover and this bastard kid. I have things to do.”



Michel left. Without another word and what else could he say? Rouleau stood there looking like a total ass. I couldn’t help it; I whispered his name. Michel stopped almost out of the room to look at me. There was almost a smile on his lips. “Take care, kid,” he whispered to me before he was gone. I have no idea why tears leaked out of my eyes.



“You let him leave,” I whispered in dismay. “Are you stupid?”



“Shut up and stay out of it,” Rouleau snapped. I was so used to him treating me with kid gloves that his harsh voice shocked me. “I can’t make him stay…”



“Hell, yes, you can! All you had to do was tell him you wanted him to stay! Will you miss seeing his face, hearing his voice, having him to talk to…to fuck? Will you miss anything about him? That is what you should have said! You asshole, you stood there and hurt him! All he wanted was a reason to stay! All he wanted was for you to say the words…”



“I am all out of words,” Rouleau sighed sadly. “I had to use every one I knew trying to keep Mia from dying without giving me his promise. I am too tired for arguments…Why did this have to happen today?”



“Probably, if I had to hazard a guess, because I am here and he expected to have you back today. Telling him to stay away from me was an ultimatum. You never leave my side,” I pointed out softly. “You basically told him he could live here, but only if he never spoke to you again. I don’t think anyone would have taken that any way…other than offensively.”



Michel wandered the mansion’s darkened hallways almost drunkenly in his restless rambling. The servants cleaning eyed him warily each time he entered an area where they were. It wouldn’t take them long to abandon him, quickly dispersing into another section of the house to get away from his odd behavior. The head housekeeper was soon heard raising her voice at them for fleeing chores she had assigned to each of them personally. Michel would have smiled, but his gloomy misery dulled any amusement he normally felt. He had paused by an open, outer doorway, letting the sun’s ray’s glint off of his bright, golden curls. The head housekeeper paused momentarily to study him before her frown returned full-force.



“Just what is the meaning of this, young man,” she fussed at him sounding mad. “You can sulk elsewhere. You know you make all of the girls nervous when you lurk in the shadows like that! What are you thinking?” All it would take to turn her wrath into laughter was one of his cleverly, impish smiles. Michel grimaced, and her frown turned into concern. “Aren’t you working this month? Why have you been home so much? Did you take an extended vacation, or lose your job, honey?”



Michel snorted in derision. Usually, he worked as a cop. “There is only one pedophile left in town, Anne Marie. Unfortunately, I can’t catch him without killing myself to do it.”



“Well, I could understand why you aren’t out catching him then,” she teased with a smile. “Where is that handsome man you follow around,” the housekeeper asked softly. “Did he have business again today? You don’t normally mope around so much…What is it?”



“He has a new friend,” Michel groused in frustrated irritation. “Herr Mia left him his son,” he added sarcastically.



“Where is Mia? I haven’t seen him around lately. Did the master and that old friend of his have a fight again? I swear those two can’t get along for anything in the world. Sometimes I wonder what their relationship is, but I am sure I probably don’t want to know. Still, it is unusual for him to not to be around for so long.”



“Herr Mia is dead,” Michel stated coldly. The old woman’s gasp and wide-eyed horror punctuated how callous his reply had been. “Rouleau has spent another week trying to get Neil to trust him…I have hardly seen him at all, and I think he is angry with me for wanting to be near him.”



“Ah, Michel, love,” the old woman sighed shaking her head in disagreement. “And I am sure it feels that way to you, too…Rouleau needs you, hon. I am sure of that. With Mia gone, he will need you twice as much. You two have been his closest friends for as long as I can recall. Just wait until the pain starts to fade, and he will appreciate you even more for still being here,” she advised.



Michel sighed impatiently. “What if I am not here when he finally decides to look for me,” he whispered sullenly. She gave him a stern frown that told him quite clearly how she felt. He lowered his head feeling as young and ungratefully childish as she saw him. “I am going to go for a walk…”



“Okay, just don’t walk too far, love,” the housekeeper told him firmly. “You know how much the master of this house worries about you when you go off into the woods without anyone with you. There are wolves out there, you know.” She watched him walk into one of the largest storage buildings kept out front. She didn’t turn away until Michel shut the door with a heavy sigh of resentment. The building remained entirely silent until he heard the door’s latch snick shut. Then, a hand reached past him to turn the lock.



Michel didn’t move. He had known already that he would be out here.



“My pathetic excuse for a twin hasn’t kept his bargain. You do not look so happy, Michel,” a familiar yet painful voice pointed out. He shivered as that arm drew him back into a chest he had been longing to touch all week. He allowed the hug feeling a slight disorientation as he felt the familiarity of the old and the new. “How have you been, my angel? Did you miss me?”



“I have been awful, as you just pointed out,” Michel snapped softly. “Haven’t you been in my head for the last week laughing over it? Why do you ask silly questions?”



“Laughing,” the slightly sinister sound he knew infused that voice suddenly. “Why would I laugh when you are unhappy?”



Michel shrugged apathetically. “You never wanted me. All elders get angry when one fourth of their powers are ripped away from them. You blamed me for it; I had nothing to do with being created, you know. Who knows what you think…certainly not me.” Michel felt a heavy indrawn breath. He knew the type of lies he was about to hear. He was tired of listening to them. He had gotten tired of them a long time ago. “No one wants me,” Michel whispered grumpily. “I am everyone’s ‘in between’ guy…the one they settle for when they cannot have what they are wanting.” Michel felt the arm go slack before it let go of him.



Then, Michel felt himself being turned slowly. There were those brown eyes he knew so well with flecks of gold, which matched the shades in Michel’s own hair, decorating their dark depths. He had missed him, but he had found a much better friend in his twin, Rouleau. Still, the vampire did not know his heart’s every desire the way this one did. But…oh, how it ached…this twin had betrayed him so horribly. This twin had nearly killed him in a fit of rage over some stupid, female whore.



“Michel,” this twin whispered sadly, “I am sorry you think that is how I feel. I may have blamed you; I don’t remember.” He rubbed some of those golden curls he loved so much between his fingers thoughtfully. “I have always wanted you.”



“You didn’t. You wanted…her,” Michel whispered turning away to go upstairs. It wasn’t long before he heard heavy footsteps following him.



“Guilty, I did,” Michel heard behind him as he stood at the window with an amazing view of the down-sloping countryside. “That does not mean I did not want you too. I wanted you and I got you, Michel,” he stated simply as if it explained everything. Perhaps it did…people rarely appreciated anything they acquired easily. “I wanted her, and I didn’t.” Michel’s snort of irritation narrowed his eyes dangerously. “You think I am lying to you…”



“I am in your head, just the way you are always in mine,” Michel stated somberly. He was watching the shadows the clouds made on the grass below. “I never saw or felt one shred of emotion for me...other than the bad ones,” he finally sighed wearily.



There was a brief pause. “Michel, did it ever occur to you that some things between us are like a two-way mirror? You only get the things I purposely allow to go through, but I get everything from you.” Michel looked at him with a resigned loneliness that bordered on giving up trying and being too angry to listen or hope any longer.



“Then you only have your arrogance and pride to blame. It has always been your downfall. You hurt me,” Michel stated seriously. “Why would you even expect me to listen to you again? Your twin had to save my life! You tried to kill me. Both of you are just the same…always wanting what you can’t have! Instead of someone right here…who once loved you so much…I would have done anything. Nothing I do is good enough for either of you, is it?”



“Michel...” Michel scoffed angrily at the confused look on his face. “I know for a fact that is not true, Michel! I am Rouleau’s twin; I can feel how much he needs and loves you! Just because someone does not say the words…you think…”



“I think I don’t like being ignored! I think…I don’t like being beaten to within an inch of my life because you are mad at some whore for screwing the wrong guy! Or being your man one second and shifted to the side like trash when someone else comes your way! Damn it! I am tired of this shit! I am everyone’s leftovers that they don’t really want, but are too lazy to go get something better right now.”



“That isn’t true,” his companion whispered appalled and frustrated by his outburst, but the annoyance was there too. Michel could see it in his eyes. He would never be good enough for him. He would never understand because he would never listen.



“Well, it may not be true,” Michel admitted carelessly. “That is the way you make me feel. Perception has a great deal to do with things, especially in a relationship with another living creature. The truth doesn’t mean much if you hide it. You treat me like this; how am I supposed to feel about it?” Michel looked at him hoping he would say something, do something to change the way he was feeling about him, but he didn’t expect much.



“You are supposed to know that you are mine,” his companion stated possessively, “completely and wholly mine…and I would never want it any other way.” Michel couldn’t help thinking of how much a lie that sounded to his ears. It was instantly picked up on by the man standing before him. In a harsh, confused whisper, he refuted that thought angrily. “I only let you stay with my twin because I couldn’t get to you and he watched you too closely for you to come back to me on your own! I thought I would use his arrogance to hurt him! I know how easy it is for him to care for you…”



“Why? Because you care for me so much,” Michel argued bitterly, “and you are so alike?”



“Yes…no, that isn’t what I meant, Michel…” His companion moved restlessly getting to the end of his very limited patience. “We are nothing like each other. Not any more…It has been a long time since that was true.”



“That is too bad,” Michel whispered. “I loved you. I loved him. I don’t know what to think…” Michel could feel anger gathering in the male he watched for signs of his irritation. He should have been more concerned with the past tense on both, rather than one statement. Instead, he was jealous. How like him, Michel thought acrimoniously. “I would be better off without the two of you around to confuse me so much.” He turned to stare out the window as an idea occurred to him suddenly. “If you missed me so much, why is there a guy waiting for you down the lawn?”



“How did…” Michel moved away to allow him to look out the window with a puzzled frown on his face. Michel watched him as resentment washed over him again, and again. “There is nothing there. How did you know someone came here with me?”



“I didn’t,” Michel admitted unpleasantly with the threat of angry tears clouding his voice and eyes. “I know you so well…”



“You don’t know anything, baby,” he heard as he turned his back to him. His companion sounded as tired and resigned as Michel felt inside. Perhaps some of it was his bitterness, perhaps some of it was not.



“If I don’t, then it is your fault,” Michel accused sullenly. “You don’t ‘allow’ me to know anything. You just admitted it yourself! You hide from me, so obviously I mean little more than a pet to you!”



“Michel, why do you think you have all of the answers,” he heard softly and shrugged away the first time he felt him reach out for him. The second time, Michel knew better than to resist and allowed those old, familiar arms to pull him back into a gentle hug. “I wanted you to like me. I was letting you get to know me…slowly. I trusted you to accept little pieces of me. There is too much to simply flood you with all that I am.” Michel almost agreed with that, but he was too wary to accept his explanations. “You would be lost in it, baby. You were too young. I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to cope with it, or worse…I have seen others become nothing more than puppets without a personality of their own. I wanted to see who you would become. I was trying to protect you, and you are angry with me.”



“Protect me,” Michel repeated in disbelief. “Were you trying to protect me when you almost killed me?”



“I would never have done that had I been thinking correctly…”



Michel met his eyes over his shoulder skeptically. Their twin bond had always remained strong even after becoming enemies. Rouleau shared his mind as often as Michel had…probably more. It was the same psychic connection between a companion and a twin. Both of them could share his thoughts, or feel what he was thinking…only he was now saying that he had not been giving him his real emotions and thoughts. As the younger companion, it was possible to block him out…even lie to him easily. Rouleau couldn’t be kept from his mind, though. Rouleau had known every last detail, and always would.

Todlich Unterwasser Gefahr (Deadly Underwater Danger-Pt. 7)
12:50 Oct 05 2009
Times Read: 721

“I know for a fact that was a lie,” Michel whispered. It broke his heart to admit it, but Rouleau had never once lied to him despite all of the other things he had done. “How can I trust you? I want to so bad, but you lie to me.” Michel allowed that gorgeous body to draw him back and up for a kiss. Michel allowed himself to be turned on so bad he hurt for him, even knowing his lover was waiting for him down the hill. Michel allowed it, because he knew Rouleau wanted Mia’s boy, would eventually get Mia’s boy, and he would have no one again. “Every time I start to believe you…” Michel whispered the words over his lips. His heart was aching just as strongly as the other throb at his groin. “I can’t do this,” he rasped painfully. “You will hurt me again; I know it.”



“Michel, I would never hurt you on purpose. Why would I do that? It is like hurting myself…”



“You lie to me!” Michel whirled out of his arms. “You did it on purpose! You bastard, own up to it! You did it!” Michel was surprised at the hurt look in those beautiful brown eyes, but he shouldn’t have been. “Why not be proud of the facts? If you are so ashamed to say it out loud, why the hell did you do it?” There was no answer. He knew there wouldn’t be. The answer was not one Michel wanted to hear, but both of them knew it. Michel had been too easy. He had been so easy that he was not seen. Michel was just the pretty, little pet that was in the wrong place at the wrong time…and he got hurt for it. “How can I look the other way when you are always waving lies at me from every direction,” Michel asked him wearily.



“You don’t have a choice,” the man opposite of him stated carefully.



“Exactly…” Michel shrugged his shoulders and raised his arms to indicate where he was standing. “Why do think I am still standing here? Did you really think I was so stupid that I would walk back into your open arms? Not willingly, I won’t…You kick the furniture, not someone you love,” Michel stated purposely.



“Michel,” he said with that dark tone of warning Michel had always feared to hear. That same tone he had purposely come to provoke within him.



“If there was any way for me to free myself from you, I would have already found and done it,” Michel admitted as his voice nearly shattered from the agony inside of him. “I am mentally bound to you. You can control every step I make if you choose.” And Michel saw the firmed jaw that proclaimed that assumption correct. “If I run, you will just walk me right back. Where is the intelligence in that? I have no options. I am yours,” Michel stated miserably and angrily.



It was a measure of how desperate he was to even say the words out loud. It reminded him of how he had once been utterly his and nothing…nothing else had mattered. All of that was gone. All that was left was the pain, the humiliation, and the anger. Michel was surprised that the fear wasn’t there. The fear he had lived with every single day since the one that had almost been his last.



“So kill me now, and save us both some pain,” Michel offered softly, “because I won’t ever love you again.” Michel could see he didn’t believe him, but it was true…so true. “Seeing you now only breaks what is left of my soul into shards of glass that I rip myself open on. We will never be the same again. You know that, don’t you? I am not some idiot kid anymore.”



“What does that mean, exactly,” he asked of him warily.



“It means I don’t believe what you say just because you said it," Michel stated firmly. "It means I don’t love you just because you exist. It means I might not be so happy to see you come for me when one of your lovers is waiting for you nearby. It means…I won’t do what you tell me to…unless I want to do it, or you force me to do it…”



Michel watched his companion’s face harden and sharpen in irritation. “You don’t like that, do you? You don’t want a companion after all. You are probably regretting that whole, long speech about not wanting me to be a puppet. I will bet a puppet sounds much better to you than a thinking, breathing creature you tried to kill.”



“Rouleau has brain-washed you.”



Michel laughed, but it was the hopeless sound he was becoming familiar with instead of the joyous one that he had so enjoyed when he had first come to live with the vampire. “Oh, Gods…I wish he cared enough to try! At least, that way I would know he wanted me.”



“Everyone wants you Michel,” the idiot snapped.



“Not the way I want to be wanted,” Michel countered. “Lust counts some, sure…I would be a fool to say it didn’t, but that is not what I need!”



“I can feel what you need.” That statement made Michel’s face twist in furious displeasure.



“Exactly,” Michel sighed. “Why am I bothering to explain things to you that you already know?” It was obvious his companion was wondering the same thing. “There is no hope for us. Let me go, or kill me. You will have to choose eventually. Why wait?”



“Why will I have to choose? You don’t understand a thing, Michel. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want.” Michel stared at him in horror. “You see, as much as I try to keep you happy...there really isn’t a reason for me to do so. I can have everything I want with you hating me. I did it to Mia’s son; I can do it to you.”



“You really don’t give a shit that I am unhappy!” There was a momentary look of sadness in his companion’s eyes, but it was fleeting. “You are such a lying prick!”



“Come to me, Michel,” that voice stated with a sinister edge to it. Michel’s heart fluttered. His feet took a halting step towards his old love.



“You wouldn’t,” Michel whispered still trying to believe there was a shred of decency within him. Only his feet took another step and those arms were pulling him up into that flesh he wanted to love him so badly. “Oh, Gods, you would! That is so cold…”



“I plan to warm you up, baby,” came the whispered words.



Michel’s soft cry of distress was lost in the feel of his lips taking what was once his to have. Michel didn’t fight. Michel didn’t struggle to get away even slightly. In fact, he could feel his own limbs wrapping around that pale flesh and drawing him closer. He couldn’t fight it. It was Michel pulling his old lover down into the bed. It was Michel seducing him. It was Michel’s body doing all of the work, as usual, but it wasn’t Michel doing it. He closed his eyes to keep from seeing that gloating grin on that ancient face.



“Open your eyes, Michel,” his companion sighed. “I want to see your eyes when I am inside of you. I want to see the pleasure you can’t keep from feeling. I want you to see me when I *edit*”



Michel’s breath left his lungs as his eyes snapped open. “That isn’t right,” he whispered. “Why are you being such an asshole?”



“You want to leave me, Michel,” he taunted. “You think I have been treating you unfairly. Boy, I have been handling you with the lightest of touches! You think you are leaving me? Why would I let go of this?” Michel’s soft cry was pleasure to his ears and he allowed Michel to feel how much he enjoyed hearing it as he *edit*. Michel’s entire body shivered in reaction *edit*. “You are mine to do with as I please, Michel…forever.”



Michel was past countering his arguments with witty repartee. He was too busy trying to fight the feelings washing over him. This wasn’t Rouleau, but that fact was working against him. His companion had always held far more of his heart than the vampire. His companion had always known far better how to push his buttons and make him writhe in pleasure. Rouleau was wonderful, but his twin was addictive. Michel felt his body react again and again, heavy and throbbing in painful eagerness. “Oh, Gods…”



“I am your God, Michel. You are my angel. Don’t ever forget that!”



Michel nearly screamed clutching his body tightly up into his companion *edit*. “That is so unfair,” Michel choked as his whole body shivered in delight expecting what it wanted, despite Michel’s wariness. His companion sighed, eyes glowing as he rolled *edit*.



“I am going to make you remember what you are so willing to lose, Michel. I am going to make you remember, and then you will have hell to pay for your arrogance,” he whispered into Michel’s ear.



It sent a jolt of sheer terror down his spine, but his companion laughed softly. The laughter was cold. The eyes were colder. There was only the heat of his flesh, but none in his soul. Michel knew fear, but it didn’t reach his skin. His skin was too busy being happy. It wouldn’t last. It wouldn’t last and it would be far worse when it was over. But for now…for now…there was heaven…



Much later, Michel woke exhausted. His body was so sore; he never wanted to move again. “Run back to my twin now, baby…Let us see how bad he wants you to disappear,” an insidious whisper filled his head. Michel thought he had used his telepathic link because his ears were dulled by the sound of rushing blood past his ear drums, but he heard the laughter just fine.



Michel was pitched at the door straight from under the sheets. A scrap of fabric caught the frame yanking at him with crushing force as he sailed past and down those sharp stairs. Gods, it hurt…He had no idea how long he lay there.



Eventually, Michel got up stumbling for the house simply because there was nowhere else to go. He did not have the strength to hold the torn bed sheet to him. He barely got through the door of the front entry before lying down to catch his breath. The floor tiles were so cool…How long did he lay there? Michel pushed up and continued on, but it was a slow process to make his way through the enormous house.



Before too long, Michel heard the sound he had been dreading the most. That one short, swift shocked intake of air as someone noticed him. “Michel, oh…oh, Goodness…Who would do this to you?”



“I should have listened…You warned me there were wolves,” Michel slurred painfully.



“No wolf made those marks,” the head housekeeper observed with a pensive scowl. “Oh, love…” Her eyes saw too much, but they did not see everything.



Michel glanced down at himself. There were so many cuts and bruises, but the hand prints and bite marks were still easy to see. Michel flushed with shame. “I am ruining your floors, Anne Marie.” There was a trail of blood behind him. She had probably followed it right to him. He tried to stand up, not having much luck at it.



She hurried up to help him. Michel growled at her, “Don’t! Gods, do not…don’t touch me, Anne Marie!”



“You are hurting, Michel.” She pulled back fretting over the pain in his eyes. “I am calling the master,” she stated briskly heading towards the nearby phone.



“No, please,” Michel hissed frantically, “don’t do that!” The fear in his eyes and the horror on his face stopped her in her tracks as a shocked thought crossed her.



“Now, Michel…I know he did not do this,” she scolded after the initial suspicion wore off. “He loves you too much to do anything so vile, and you won’t have me believing that!”



“Please, do not call him, Anne Marie,” Michel begged in a calmer tone. “He knows! Gods, he knows…” Michel almost curled up in anguish. It was true. He had said it only to stop her, but it was so true. “Why do you think I live here? Hell, he told me a week ago he was coming. He knew he was on his way here,” Michel whispered.



“He doesn’t know about this,” she stated firmly. “He would want to protect you!”



“He knows all about him,” Michel bitched ruefully. “Do you see Rouleau? Do you see him anywhere near me? Have you seen him any at all this week, Anne Marie? He knew! He doesn’t care…”



“That can’t be true,” she whispered, but she had never known Michel to lie. She knew Michel better than Rouleau, who was always absent. “I cannot imagine he would allow someone to do this to you! You are hurt!” There was real anguish in her eyes. Michel knew the older lady loved him like a son.



“Hurt, Anne Marie,” Michel whispered looking down at himself in loathing. “This is not hurt…”He touched the hand prints and teeth marks hating himself as he saw it through her eyes. “Hurt is when he calls in one of his friends to help ‘amuse’ me…I helped him do this,” Michel whispered. “I helped him make every mark.”



She backed up in denial. Then, that fluttery little hand covered up the shocked look on her face. But her eyes didn’t believe him. Her eyes said he was lying, but oh-what-if-he-wasn’t? There was doubt written there. “I am calling the master…” Her hand lifted the handle off of the phone base. Before she was able to hit the familiar three digits that would instantly patch her straight to Rouleau, the receiver was snatched out of hand.



Her scream was cut short, but the disgust in her eyes was gone. In its place was a slight horror and fear. Her face glowed bright against the darkness, lit by the light in his eyes. “I am sorry, Anne Marie,” Michel whispered as he brushed his lips over her pale cheek. “I asked you not to…”



After that, it was only a matter of time before Michel knew he would be found. He tried to hide. All he wanted to do was be forgotten, somewhere he could lick his wounds and heal. Rouleau would find him. Rouleau would see him. In his head, Michel could hear Rouleau’s twin laughing at the idea. Michel curled up in shame…waiting for it.



Eventually, he heard the click of the door opening. He heard the swift intake of horror. The pause as whoever stood there absorbed the extent of the damning injuries left all over his flesh before going back out again. Michel wanted to hide all over again. Somewhere already searched, but the destruction was done. Rouleau would hear. He would come to see, or would he?

Todlich Unterwasser Gefahr (Deadly Underwater Danger-Pt. 8)
14:34 Oct 02 2009
Times Read: 739

Michel did the only thing he was allowed to do…He closed his eyes and pretended none of this was happening. Pretend it was only a dream and it couldn’t really hurt you. He pretended so hard, he was nearly unconscious…and shaking. Unfortunately, he couldn’t pretend he did not know the moment Rouleau touched him hesitantly…as if afraid he would not want him near.



“Michel,” the vampire whispered with a sound that broke his already shattered heart. “Why did you come here?”



“I did not do this,” Konnig swore in disgust.



“I never said, or thought you did,” Rouleau snapped bitterly. Oh, he knew who had done it alright. Michel hid his face deeper into own arms. “Baby…” Rouleau had noticed his flinch of horror. “Baby, look at me.” Michel hid deeper. “Why didn’t you come to me? Why did you come here? Please, Michel…answer me,” the vampire begged.



Michel could give him the reason. He knew how bad it looked. He knew and felt tears streak down his cheeks as he kept his teeth tightly clenched shut. Michel only cried harder when he heard the pain in Rouleau’s whispered apology…harder when the vampire curled into his back holding him like he was something fragile and loved…harder when he felt Rouleau lay his head against his shoulder and kiss him so sweetly there. “I am so…so sorry, Michel.”



“Do you think…”



“I know who did this,” Rouleau whispered so softly. “I know…”



“I thought he would go after your boy…not…”



Rouleau’s fingers whispered over some of the marks. He could feel Michel’s involuntary shiver. “So did I,” Rouleau admitted sadly. “While I was busy hiding my companion…he did this,” the vampire hissed. “Why strike at a stranger, when you can strike at the heart?”



“Cold bastard…to hurt your own companion,” Konnig stated.



“Or your own twin,” the vampire added sourly. “He is not the man we both remember anymore.”

“None of us are, Rouleau…”



The vampire sighed heavily. “Have I changed so much?”



“Yes,” Konnig stated swift and firm. “Yes, you have…” I felt Rouleau move to sit up so he could look at him.



“How?” There was a dark, bitter derision in his voice as he asked it.



“You just have,” Konnig stated decisively. “When you lost Mia, you changed, Rouleau. Even before that…when you saved this kid. The man I knew would have let him die and said it was for the best. You have changed. Your brother got colder, but…you…It is like all of the feelings he can no longer feel…you have found.”



“Don’t go getting all soft on me, Herr Konnig. You hate me…remember,” Rouleau stated thickly.



“Sometimes people can fight over the stupidest things,” Konnig sighed sadly. “I am really sorry about the kid. I know how much you like him…”



Rouleau laughed softly. It sounded like mocking laughter. “Yeah, he is an angel…my little angel…but not anymore,” he stated tartly. “He doesn’t like me any longer.” Michel felt the softest brush of a hand over the mark on his hip. “I don’t think he will thank you for going to get me.” There was such weariness in his voice, such longing in his touch. “Why do you think he came here…to someone who hated me…when he could have found me himself?”



“Rouleau…”



“My brother is cold, alright. He sent him to me knowing how bad it would hurt when he left me. He tried to kill him, but the kid…he loves him.”



“Rouleau…”



“Maybe that man you used to know was right about it all…”



“Rouleau…”



“You can’t save something that has no will to live…”



There was a movement, as if the vampire was yanked suddenly. “Rouleau, stop it this instant! Listen to yourself…you love this boy! Don’t let him warp and twist you into a shape of his choosing. He will try…He will fail! You are better than that, and stronger than he is…How twisted do you this kid is feeling right now, with that sadistic pervert in his head?”



“Michel,” the vampire called hopefully. A shiver tickled down Michel’s spine as Rouleau’s hand touched his arm sympathetically. “Michel, honey, I am going to invade your head for a minute. If you don’t want me to, I apologize, but I have to know for sure…” Michel’s body reacted violently, trying to get away from him. Rouleau held him forcibly to his chest, cuddling him like a special lover as his mind began to ache. Michel made a sound of pain, but the vampire did not stop. He kept trying to break through his brother’s mental block into Michel’s mind. “I know…I know it hurts. I am sorry. I should be able to do this without pain, Michel. He is controlling you, isn’t he?” The anger in his voice made Michel shiver again and again until the barrier fell abruptly.



Michel began to scream. Rouleau held him close as the scream was followed by tears, and eventually words when he could manage to suppress the horror enough. “Oh, Gods, I killed her. I killed Anne Marie!” Rouleau hugged him tight trying to comfort him, but there was no comfort. “I loved her, Rouleau…Gods, I loved her! She was always so sweet to me…Why would he even notice her? Why did he make me kill her?”



“She loved you; she was in the way; and it would hurt you. Not to mention that it showed me just how deeply he could invade my household and do as he pleased whenever he wanted,” the vampire sighed. “The entire staff is going crazy. There are cops in the foyer.” Rouleau’s whispers made Michel feel miserable. “You were missing,” he whispered with a tender kiss to his temple. “I have never been so afraid as when I got a call that someone was dead in my house, Michel. I thought it was you…”



“It should have been. She was just the housekeeper,” Michel mumbled desolately. “He said he is taking me back for good. He said I would be sorry for wishing to never see him again. He said…he was going to make me pay for hating him, Rouleau. I don’t want to go back there, but he wouldn’t kill me. I asked him to do it. He wouldn’t. He doesn’t care about me!”



“No, Michel,” Rouleau hissed. “That is not the way to defeat him!” Michel made a startled sound as the vampire shook him fairly hard. “We can do this…together. In time, but I need you to stay alive.” Michel glanced at Konnig warily. “Otherwise, he will win. He will control you; he will control me, Neil…anyone who gets in his way.” Rouleau turned his head back to face him. “I need you to survive no matter what happens. Help me, Michel. Promise me you will do that!”



“If you were once friends with Konnig, why doesn’t he help you?”



“He can’t, Michel.” Rouleau looked around at the silent male who chuckled morbidly.



“Why not,” Michel asked sullenly.



“His wife is my daughter, sort of...She would not allow him to kill an uncle she is obsessed with fucking,” Rouleau stated resentfully. He glanced back at Konnig’s rueful face. “Sorry, but it is the truth.”



“I know. I always wondered if you molested her as a kid,” Konnig said softly.



“Not me,” the vampire whispered. “He may have behind my back, but if he did I didn’t know it. The only reason I know about it at all is because she asked me to do it with him.” The disgust in his eyes showed clearly what his answer had been. “She practically begged me to when he left her to find Michel. I can’t even look at her anymore. She makes me sick.”



“Yet you never miss the annual gathering,” Konnig stated with a strange look on his face.



“That has nothing to do with her,” Rouleau countered. “Once a year doesn’t kill me, it just reminds me that she is more his…than mine. Twisted that a son she hated from birth is my companion. The Gods are not kind to us…”



Konnig shrugged. “They are Gods. They probably see all of our foolish fighting as a waste of energy. Besides if we did not fight over stupid things, we would destroy planets warring again. I am sure they know what they are doing. They chose to sit back and watch once. I doubt they will ever do that again. The Gods help us all if they do; we wouldn’t survive it a second time. They are probably still cleaning up the mess!”



“Since Dane is still alive, I would imagine they are,” Rouleau agreed. “Who knew we would create such a creature with our cruelty and ignorance?”



“I am sure they knew it was possible. I am equally certain that the fait who gave him his power died laughing at all of us,” Konnig sighed. “I only wonder which one it was. What ancient fait did we piss off enough to give an evil little shit like him the power to create or destroy us all?”



“I doubt it was an ancient,” the vampire countered. “They wouldn’t have dared do this, and they would not have died to give it to him. If an ancient did it, the ancient had a younger fait do it and then killed the poor thing afterward. If that is the case, the ancient is probably still alive protecting and guiding him.”



“I hope you are wrong,” Konnig stated with a shiver. “We are getting away from the subject. What do you intend to do about this situation?”



“What can I do? Dane is the cancer spreading through us…Once I voluntarily committed such acts myself,” Rouleau admitted. “I can’t go against him. If I did, he would turn to Dane. There is no way to count how many would die if he brings that creature here just to help him kill me. I cannot risk that! He knows I can’t…”



“Why do you think the devil would come to his call? I am sure Dane has far more important things to do than chase after two boys that escaped him.”

“We didn’t escape. He allowed us to leave,” the vampire countered. There was a dark look in his eyes. There was no fear, but there was knowledge…knowledge of things he never should have known. “We were his best. Not the overall most powerful, or anything like that, but we were the best at what he wanted without having to be controlled or forced to do it at times. Whatever he asked, we jumped to it eagerly,” Rouleau whispered. “He never had to torture us. We were his friends…always.”



“I can’t believe you…” Konnig backed away with a new look in his eyes. “I never knew that.”



“I never wanted you to know,” Rouleau stated firmly. “It changes the way you think of me, doesn’t it?”



“It makes me wonder why you are not as evil as your twin, or if you are and I have never seen it…”



“I can be,” Rouleau admitted with a soft, sad sigh. “Once I thought I had reason to be…” The vampire looked Michel in the eyes. There was only confusion written in his eyes. He had no idea what they were talking about. “I started to see other things, reasons to never be that way again.” The vampire ran a thoughtful hand down Michel’s cheek before he smiled at him wickedly. “My angel doesn’t like it,” he whispered.



“I am not an angel,” Michel mumbled self-consciously.



“I am sure my young companion will not like it either,” Rouleau stated firmly. “Who will protect them if I cannot? My brother will destroy them before they are old enough to take the kind of punishment he likes to dish out. I don’t want either of them dead. They deserve a chance…whatever they are.”



Michel snuggled into him, not liking that last comment. He wasn’t sure what he meant by it, so he began to kiss along the vampire’s jaw and neck. Michel felt Rouleau react to it almost instantly. His skin was so sensitive; it didn’t take much to get the point across. The vampire’s eyes half-closed, his breathing slowed, his body heated as parts of it began to ache and throb in reaction. Rouleau sucked in a deep breath to clear his suddenly distracted head, but it didn’t do the job.



Konnig laughed softly. “I am sure that has nothing to do with your protective streak either. It might have started out innocent, but I think Michel knows you better than you know yourself these days.”



“Gods, that is possible. Sometimes, I haven’t a clue who I am,” Rouleau hissed before kissing Michel desperately. It was interrupted as his hands traced over the teeth marks on his flesh and he shivered. The marks bothered him, narrowing his eyes, as he looked deep into Michel’s eyes. “You don’t like this, do you?” Michel flushed and turned away from him.



“I didn’t like being pitched down the stairs,” Michel whispered self-consciously. “I don’t like being humiliated, or him trying to kill me. I hate that he doesn’t care about me in the least,” he volunteered. “I don’t like it when he brings his friends in to hurt me…”



Rouleau touched the marks in his flesh. “You didn’t say you don’t like to be hurt, Michel.”



Michel shuddered, looking at him with confused eyes. “I have been hurt so often, it is nearly all I knew before you took me away from him.” Michel tried to pull away growing pale and ashamed to face him.



“Michel, don’t turn away from me,” the vampire sighed. “I don’t mean to embarrass you. I simply wish to know if you like it. Do you want someone doing this to you? There is no right answer. Did you enjoy it?” Michel shivered in his grip. “You did. You liked it,” Rouleau realized in amazement. “Gods, Michel…why didn’t you ever tell me that?”



Michel looked up at him with stricken eyes. “Why would I tell you something like that? It disgusts me that I would enjoy it! I don’t want to like it,” he hissed as huge tears fell from his eyes. He shook his head whispering it again. “I don’t want to like it…”



“Michel…” Rouleau sighed and hugged him up tight. “That is okay. You don’t have to like it. If you start getting kinky urges on me, I am sure we can work around them,” he teased. “Nothing as extreme as all of this, but perhaps something much lighter…” Michel shivered in his arms at the thought. “Something that doesn’t mark up that beautiful skin of yours,” the vampire suggested.



Michel hid his face in Rouleau’s shirt. “I might like that,” he admitted while flushing at the vampire’s laughter.



“Well, let’s get you healed and see, shall we?” Michel shivered and he laughed harder. “I thought you were tired, Michel,” he teased. Michel hid his face deeper. “I know, love…you are never too tired for that.”



“Shut up,” Michel whispered in embarrassment.



Konnig couldn’t hold back a chuckle that only made Michel turn redder as he looked up at the ancient. There was a hint of interest in his eyes that had never been there before. He looked slightly envious of them.



All of a sudden, something Rouleau had said hit Michel with the force of a semi at top speed. “Neil is your companion…” His hollow voice couldn’t begin to convey the horror that thought caused him.



“One of you is mine,” Rouleau whispered vaguely. “Either way, I don’t want him to have either one; not if this is how he treats the two of you,” the vampire growled angrily.



“What do you mean? One of us…don’t you know?”



Rouleau looked Michel straight in his eyes. “No, Michel, I don’t.”



Konnig stepped in for the explanation when he saw the confusion that answer caused. “Often among twins, the mental bonds are tied so closely no one knows who was supposed to belong to whom. It is common for there to be confusion, but it usually becomes clear with time.” Konnig frowned at Rouleau. “You should know by now.”



“I don’t,” the vampire admitted wearily. “My brother is adamant to claim them both, and I am just as determined to see that they remain alive and safely out of his reach. I have no idea if Neil is mine or if Michel is…neither does he…”



Michel’s chest compressed. Everything he had known up until now…it was all being questioned. The twins didn’t know who to claim. This would explain a great deal. Not only their confusion on the subject, but their reluctance to share too much of their lives with a man who could walk away at any moment for the other brother. Michel’s eyes closed. He shook his head slowly in disbelief. “So I could belong to you…for real…”



Rouleau sighed. “I tried not to question it too much, Michel. He was technically the first to be born, so we both assumed you belonged to him. That isn’t always the case. It isn’t age that determines when your soul splits…and mine did at nearly the same time as his. We both felt it. I don’t know why the two of you were not born at the same time. It took twelve years after we felt the change for you to be born…longer for him.”



Konnig interrupted, “That is not normal!”



“Nothing about us is normal,” Rouleau snarled angrily. “It never has been! You do not have a clue who I really am; trust me. No one knows me; no one knows him. We hide so much of our lives, because it isn’t normal! I have no idea what we are, but it isn’t pretty. Hell, we can’t even remember what our parents were we are so old! Not that it really matters, but it might have helped…some. I am so damn confused about him and my past. I try to just ignore it so I can have a life! Only he doesn’t allow me to do that, does he? He has to push our boundaries, test the limits and expand them. He wants to know the answers to questions I gave up asking. I needed to know them too, but I gave them up. They were destroying me,” the vampire hissed in annoyance. “Just as they are destroying him,” he added darkly. “I used to follow his lead, but he is mad. Anger to the point of insanity and he won’t let it go…”



Konnig was the one to speak up again. Michel was just listening in fascination. “You have no idea why he is angry,” he asked carefully ignoring the information that the two twins were older than they claimed to be.



“Yes, I have an idea. I have heard him speak of it. A brother…torture…the deaths of our entire family. He remembers what I do not, but he won’t tell me. Somehow, he has blocked it out where I cannot get to it. He was young when it happened, I know this. He was upset and clinging to an older brother that he remembers quite clearly. Even I can see his face and know him…but I cannot remember the others, or what happened to all of us. It is as if the memories were never there to be found. I have tried and tried to remember it.”



“So the two of you have an older brother, or was he one of the ones that died,” Michel asked softly.



“I don’t know,” Rouleau admitted ruefully with a sad shrug of his shoulders. “I have no idea.” Michel looked at Konnig in confusion, but he held his tongue. Michel knew odd things about both twins that no one else knew. He knew odd things about himself that Rouleau apparently did not know either. How was that possible?



“Which one of you found me, Rouleau,” Michel asked softly suspecting the answer even before it left his lips.



“He did…but that doesn’t mean anything,” the vampire protested.



Actually, it did. It explained why Rouleau did not know things he should have by now. “He found me and he raised me," Michel whispered looking thoughtfully suspicious. "You only truly met me when I was hundreds of years old." The vampire nodded, but he just plain didn't see the point. "He kept me away from you on purpose. He didn’t want me to know much about you,” Michel whispered. Rouleau simply sighed and shrugged as if it was all in the past and had no purpose. “He said he didn’t want me to get confused about who I was...”



“Of course,” Rouleau stated sourly. “He didn’t want you to choose me over him.”



“Maybe,” Michel stated slowly, “but maybe he had a deeper reason…”



Both males looked at him funny, but Michel didn’t think of what was on his mind directly. He knew how a psychic read someone, so he purposely blocked the information. Until he was certain of the idea forming in his mind, he didn’t want anyone to know it…not even Rouleau’s twin.



It took a while for the house to clear of policemen. While they were there taking up evidence and collecting statements, Rouleau kept a close eye on each of the few he allowed entry into his residence. Being a powerful player in the community, as well as one of the two oldest and richest families to exist in this country, affected the job the men were doing on the crime in question.



The housekeeper’s family called often trying to get someone to speak to them and the reporters were calling every second. No one answered the phone, but it was monitored by a plain clothes cop that did nothing more than listen to each message as it was left on the machine. Michel didn’t know what they were expecting. If the killer contacted the household, it would come out of his mouth. Rouleau was expecting that, too. Michel could feel the tight control he was keeping on his mind while the humans roamed about; albeit not freely.



Michel held back from everyone. Rouleau did not want him talking to the cops, or even getting too close to them. One of the hospital workers was on hand to ‘tend’ his ‘injuries’. It was being written up as a break-in with the description given to the cops sounding a great deal like Rouleau’s twin in case there was later trouble involving him. Since the two looked very little like each other these days no one was worried about anyone recognizing him as a relative to the homeowner. Still, Michel was antsy and nervous. Out of everyone here, he expected trouble the most.



After they were gone, things got much quieter. “Since your boy is gone, can I sleep with you tonight,” Michel asked looking scared. “Please, I am not asking just because I want to sleep with you! I need to be close to you right now, or he will get in my head again. Who knows what he will do with me next time!”



Rouleau nodded. “Of course, Michel…You are always welcome.” The vampire made a move as if he meant to hug Michel, but Michel backed away warily.



“No,” Michel whispered, “I haven’t been since you met that kid. I don’t mind so much, but I can’t take any more right now. I just want to be left alone for a while, but I need to stay near you. I am sorry.”



“Have I done something wrong again,” Rouleau asked softly. His eyes looked confused.



“No,” Michel sighed heavily. “I don’t know. I have to think and I can’t do that with you touching me.”

Rouleau almost smiled. “I hope that was a compliment.”



“I have to think,” Michel stated firmly. “I need him to stay out of my head, but I need you to…not…listen, either. Is that possible?” Rouleau looked mutinous. “I just need to think, baby. I have a lot on my mind,” Michel tried to explain without pissing him off or making him suspicious. “I don’t want either of you getting offended, or trying to…sway my opinions about things. Everything I knew was wrong.” Rouleau started to protest his wording. “I just need to straighten out what is real from what never was. It isn’t anything personal to either of you. I promise. I took a lot of things for granted because I thought I belonged to him. If I don’t…”



“That isn’t something I can truthfully say,” Rouleau warned ominously.



“I know, but if I have nothing more than a choice…I have to know where I stand between you.”



“Michel,” Rouleau said softly and grabbed him without allowing him to back away. “I love you. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want you going back to him.” Michel almost cried when he wrapped his huge body around him protectively. “I can’t take seeing you miserable the way you were with him. Or the cuts and bruises and broken bones he left on you either. Please, don’t do anything…don’t decide anything without telling me first.”



“I won’t go back to him without telling you,” Michel promised.



“You are wrong, too.” Rouleau shook him looking worried. “I never said you weren’t welcome in my house, or around me. I needed you to be careful around Neil, nothing else. I have to spend time with him; he doesn’t know me. I am sorry you thought I didn’t want you near me, but that isn’t true! I swear. It never was. I don’t want you thinking you have to go to him to keep Neil away from him either. I can keep you both. I don’t care which of you belong to him! You are both mine now.”



“You think that will work out?” Michel smiled to take the sting out of the comment.



“I don’t know him. He is really messed up between that asshole, Konnig and his father. I am sure my idiot daughter didn’t help his mental stability too much,” the vampire growled in distress. “I hope so…”



“I will hold you to that,” Michel whispered with a small smile. “Now, can you keep him out of my head and allow me to think without eaves-dropping on me?” Michel looked at the vampire with teasing eyes.



Rouleau sighed not liking what he was asking. “I can try,” he finally admitted. “If he tries to get in your head, I can’t promise I won’t see what you are thinking. I will have to push him out. I will have to be there to do it.”



Michel hugged him and kissed his neck fondly. Rouleau groaned wanting to take him back to his room and make him forget the doubts he had about them recently. “You are being a pain in the ass, you know," he whispered savoring the feel of him in his arms. "I have missed you," he whispered huskily burying his face in Michel's neck to smell his hair the way he loved to do all of the time. "You have never hid what you were thinking from me before. It hurts that you would now…”



“I know,” Michel whispered. The vampire hugged him up so tight it was nearly painful for a second. Michel laughed. It was a familiar hug to him.



“Gods, Michel…Just don’t do anything stupid, or reckless…” Michel didn't get a chance to respond as Rouleau's lips cut off his comment.



Time passed between them. Rouleau kept to his promise, giving Michel time to consider what to do. Michel stayed on the internet a great deal. There were things that disturbed him about the past. Many of those things were at his fingertips with the typing of a few well chosen words. Staring at the document before him, Michel closed his eyes in resignation. Things would change. Things always changed, but this…this would change everything about everything. Rouleau did not know. That one fact was as glaring an indication as the information on the computer screen. Michel knew. Rouleau did not, but his twin did.



Heaving a sigh of total exhaustion, Michel couldn’t keep from whispering to himself. “I am his…There is no way Rouleau has anything to do with any of this.”



There was a sound behind him. Michel started up, looking around at the vampire in surprise. Rouleau frowned at him as he read the screen. “Mikehlmas…What does this girl-child have to do with you? An orphan? Sami L. Mikehlmas,” he repeated as if he were memorizing the details in his mind. Or perhaps searching it for a meaning, Michel thought in dismay. If he searched too deep, he would know. His twin knew why this child meant something to him. Michel stood up blocking the information, but it was too late for that.



“Rouleau…” Michel felt his heart in his throat. Nothing would ever be the same. The two men were so alike and yet so different. There were so many things that Michel wanted to say and do, but none of them made any sense. “Gods, you really have been patient with me, haven’t you? It must be difficult for someone of your age to be…I don’t know.” The vampire frowned in confusion. “Your twin doesn’t try to hurt you, baby. He may be jealous, but he keeps you from knowing things on purpose. He is not trying to be difficult. He is trying…”



“I really don’t want to talk about him,” Rouleau snapped bitterly. “You are wrong.”



“No, I am not.” Michel came up to kiss him gently. “I love you. I loved him, but…Gods, I am sure you know how difficult it can be to understand and love an ancient, when you are too young to really know anything about how to do that.” Rouleau looked confused, but that was okay. Michel could never say what needed to be said to the vampire’s twin. This was as close as he could get to an apology. “It is so odd. I know you are old, but I have no basis for understanding just what it feels like from your perspective. I know you don’t think the way I do. I know you don’t feel the way I do. I know, but a part of me doesn’t understand it. You are too old to have to try to find a way to relate to me. It is an impossible task, yet you are trying…Aren’t you?”



“Michel, you are talking nonsense,” Rouleau muttered. The vampire was not above using his confusion to his advantage though. He kissed him back, again and again until Michel lost the trail of his thoughts. “Talk to me in a language I understand,” he teased. Michel laughed in amused amazement as if his words held more meaning than he had realized as he backed him into the bed.



“Sex,” Michel teased with a touch of a wry grin. “You have always been good at that,” he admitted with a sigh.



The vampire chuckled, taking off his shirt so their bare chests could be closer together. The sensation of it wasn’t something you needed words to explain. It wasn’t something that changed over time. It was the universal language that transcended boundaries, species, and gaps in understanding. You could get a point across with touch that you were too tongue-tied to form with your lips. Some things, however, needed to be said out loud.



“I really have been a jealous ass about that kid, haven’t I? I am sorry, baby. I have never felt as if I had you to myself. It is…painful. I don’t want to share an inch of you…not ever, but I get it now…I get it. You don’t feel comfortable being alone with someone you can’t entirely relate to. You need someone else in the picture to get me. That is cool, I guess. Neil is going to give you a headache, though. You might need my help on him.”



“I have no idea what you are saying, Michel,” Rouleau murmured. “Shut up, will you?”



“You don’t have to understand right now, baby. I promise. You will get what I am saying eventually.” Rouleau went tense in anger. Michel sucked in a sharp breath as his eyes flared with power. Then, Michel touched his face tenderly. “There you are,” he whispered fondly. “I am sorry. I haven’t treated you so great, have I? You watched me, protected me, raised me…I have no way to tell you how much that meant to me. I am sorry I don’t always like the things you want to do with me. I am trying. I don’t blame you if you run out of patience. You have two of us ungrateful brats to deal with now. Gods, that must have been hard for you. I didn’t realize…I didn’t. I get it now…” Michel kissed him gently and the kiss was hesitantly returned.



“Michel,” the heavy male over him sighed pressing their foreheads together the way Rouleau liked to do. “You are not the only one who lost control of a volatile temper. I never meant to harm you…hurt you, yes,” the creature finally admitted with a rueful face, “but I never would have killed you on purpose. I forgot you could still die a real death. I am not used to mortals. It is easy to get angry. I do it so often.”



“I am sure you have reasons,” Michel stated firmly trailing his hands down into those fitted slacks. “You are alone with me now,” he reminded him. “Are you sure you can’t just fuck me without hurting me?” The man over him looked puzzled. “Rouleau does it,” Michel stated with a frown. “I know you can.”



“I am not Rouleau, Michel,” the creature above him growled coldly.



“Yes, you are…you are the same.” Michel bit the creature’s neck begging him to bear with him and not leave just yet. “He is just as much a part of you as you are him.” Michel looked sad as that flare of power and purpose began to fade out of the vampire slowly. “You want Rouleau to be happy, because you can’t remember how. You want him to be innocent, because you can’t be anymore. You want to understand us. Most ancients rebirth to remember what it is like to be young. You can’t do that for some reason, so you are forcing Rouleau to be something he is not…in order to have a way to understand us better.”



That presence didn’t fade out entirely. It watched him coldly through Rouleau’s eyes. Michel closed his eyes as a hand threaded through his hair framing his face. The creature leaned down to him slowly. “I am glad you finally figured that out…” Michel trembled as a delicate kiss traversed his temple to his cheek and jaw and over to his lips. “But Michel…I can’t be sweet either. My past hasn’t been a good one,” he admitted sadly. “You are just going to have to like it rough.”



“I don’t know if I can like it as aggressive as you want it, baby” Michel admitted with a shaky laugh, “that is far too violent even for me.”



“You will heal,” the creature whispered against his lips, kissing him the way it liked it best...a way Rouleau did not know. Michel shivered in his embrace, loving this side of him. His hand clenched squeezing the desire he held. “Now, find me that boy…”



Michel moaned. “You always ruin it,” he complained bitterly. There was a light sound of laughter as those eyes faded back into normal eyes. “Don’t be mad,” Michel whispered.



Rouleau sighed heavily. “I can’t like that you would use me to speak to him, Michel. That is just so wrong in so many ways,” the vampire mumbled angrily. Michel held onto his neck to keep him from leaving. “You said you wanted him out of your head. How am I supposed to do that when you are using me to purposely have a damn conversation with the bastard?”



Michel smiled at him impishly. “I am sorry. I needed to talk to him,” he said as he kept rubbing himself along that hot, muscled body. “I can’t just call him on a phone, or go see him in person. I have some issues I need to work through. I told you that. The problem is,” Michel whispered into this loving creature’s mouth as he kissed him deeply, “you don’t know anything about them, and he does.”



Rouleau groaned, pulling that delightful hand out of his pants. “You are trying to distract me,” Rouleau accused with a frown. “It is working.”



“Shut up, will you?” The vampire chuckled in surprise as he used his own line against him.



“You are evil,” Rouleau whispered abandoning his doubts and anger for the pleasure of flesh instead. “I think I really like it…” Michel groaned raggedly as the vampire pierced his neck hungrily. It wasn’t long before the layers between them peeled away into nothingness.



(Do NOT copy any of my journal without my permission!) Jenna Karro