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I have to reprimand myself for only giving half the story. Yes there are some very wonderful men out there who know what it is to speak of beauty and love. There are also the women who have forgotten how to accept such complinebts from men. We as women have had to fight to get to where we are today but in the process I think we have lost the ability to see a compliment for what it is. I know that personally there was a time I figured every compliment was just a line to get me into bed. Now I take them for what they are a mans way of expressing desire, gentleness, and respect for the female form. Not only that but ladies if you truly listen to their words you will find that they can bring you a pleasure you have not felt in a long time. So to the men out there who still believe in romantic gestures forgive me for only spilling half the tale. You have my respect and utter devotion.

Why is it that the men of this century cannot speak of beauty and love with out making it crass and vulgar. The only men that speak of these things in the manner in which thay out to be kept. Are you the ones here inside this supposed evil place. You speak of a womans beauty as though each glimpse of her is a gift from the heavens. You speak of love as though you truly know what it means to love. The endless longing, The craving to be by her side. The need to fill her with yourself. The obsessive need to be consumed by her. I think people have become so lost and unresponsive to the world around them that they truly don't know any other way off expressing themselves then (Damn did you see the ass on that bitch) Do men honestly believe women like this or that we are flattered by it.

My emotions are useless, so long since they've been used. I locked them up so many years ago now when I would like to feel again I can't. I am not sure which bothers me more. Wanting to feel or being unable to feel.

I am gonna lose my mind or what's left of it very soon if I don't get some sleep. I am actually averaging 12hrs of sleep a week. At least my house is spotless. You could actually eat off my floors. I had 2 hrs of sleep somewhere around 8:00am. I had to be to work at 11:00am and am still going, but I have already cussed out my boss over something stupid, hung up on my mother, I even yelled at my dog which is something I never do. I actually feel guilty for that one. I feel like the next person that gives me any shit today is gonna walk away with a broken nose or worse. I am going to start listening to those voices in my head maybe they can help me sleep. The last time I went 3 full days without sleep I started one hell of a bar fight and landed myself in jail for 48hrs. I didn't sleep in there either. Please tell me someone out there has some good advice on how to get to sleep.

So, I went on a date the other night and found I was actually enjoying myself until the end of the evening when he went to kiss me goodnight. I actually felt my stomach cgurn with revolsion. I don't know what went wrong he was a good looking guy with perfect manners. We never ran out of things to talk about. So why is it that when it came time to kiss him I couldn't make myself do it.