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And I lead us right back to rough waters. I need to learn to keep my stupid mouth shut, to keep these destructive thoughts to myself. I'm going to sabotage everything I've made with him if I don't.

COMMENTS

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Tristesse
20:44 Sep 29 2015

YOU ARE A FUCKING WHORISH SLUT.

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Owlish
05:39 Oct 01 2015

Tristesse, go fuck yourself. How are her relationships any of your business? She's not hurt you, she's mainly hurting herself - leave her alone. Who cares how many men/women someone sleeps with, dates, or even pursues. From the look of your own journal, you can't throw stones in the "romantic" side of your life.

Grow the fuck up. Relationships aren't perfect, and people do not, ever, deserve "slut shaming" - no matter who they are.



Immy, I hope you find happiness some day. You deserve it. You're kind of like a cactus - spiky on the outside, sweet on the inside, and you'd make a good ice cream.

Or tea.

Like alovera juice, only cactus.

Whatever.

I hope you can work it out with him. If not, you'll heal and flourish.

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immortalxkiss
00:42 Oct 03 2015

Lol, wow. I didn't even see these comments. I can't be a "whoreish slut" if I don't actually sleep around with multiple partners for money or anything else. That's the definition of whore and slut, you see. A definition I clearly don't fit. But, honestly, even if I did (which I don't), that's my prerogative. I don't see how having some issues with my current relationship (that I've been in for months, mind you) makes me a whorish anything, though. But hey, someone here may be projecting their own issues onto me. You should really take a look at yourself before casting stones at someone you don't even know.



And Lullaby, thank you.

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POST COMMENT

To you...



I couldn't respond back privately, so I figured this was the next best thing and maybe you'd see it.



Honestly, you have nothing to apologize about, not to me. I, however, do. I let the toxicity of this site get to me for so long and it turned me into someone who was less than pleasant most of the time. I let the negativity consume me and in return, I lashed out at anyone for any precieved slights. Be they real or not. So, I am deeply sorry for that. Since then, though, I've grown up, and I've moved past a lot of things that once got to me so much.



I am deeply sorry I so often pushed you away. I'm almost certain we could have been good friends, there were a lot of similarities between us. And I am truly sorry for the horrible things I may have said. I make no excuses, I was baited into saying things at times, and I took that bait completely. And, well, the times I wasn't, that was just me being a bitch.



I think what all of us need, those who've been so consumed by this site for so long, just need to step back and distance ourselves from things. It has seemed to work for you, and it's definitely worked for me. The hold this place can have over some of us and the way we will let it effect us, it's not all that healthy.



So, I thank you for the message. And I am so sorry for the way I treated you over the years. You didn't deserve it. I wish you all the happiness you can find in life. I wish for you laughter and love.

Things have been a bit rocky lately, and last night it all just came out. We, well I initiated it, broke up. It was pretty bad. But, I got him to talk to me this morning and I think things are alright. Not great, but good enough. It's just so hard sometimes. But I guess it's to be expected, relationships take work. Especially long distance ones.

Probably going to wind up shutting down Enlightenment. Again. I just have no interest in it.

Year Two Destiny is fucking amazing! I've been up since their servers reset and the DLC officially dropped at 2 am. And, I've gotten two of my three characters to the new level cap of 40 and run through the entire story with Chris once. And I have my Hammer of Sol and my fucking fire sword. I. Am. Happy.

Year Two of Destiny starts in about five hours now. Seems like my whole clan is on and staying up to play when it drops. It's going to be a fun night.

In all honesty, life is pretty great right now. How often do you get to really say that? Sure, there are some areas I need to work on, but for the most part, everything is pretty awesome. I am so thankful for all that I have.

The Destiny 2.0 update was released today. It's all to get things ready for The Taken King, which drops next week. The game is vastly different from Year One Destiny, so much is changing and has been tweaked or simply taken away. And while a lot of it is good, some of it kind of sucks. They adjusted a lot of the perks on the weapons, and flat out took some of the main reasons to have certain weapons away. I'm all for the experience based leveling system, though. It used to all just be about what armor you had. Now armor and weapons play into the Light levels. The new Crucible types are fucking crazy. Rift, oh man, is just so much fun. And Mayhem is going to be just a cluster fuck when everyone has their new subclasses next week. I can't wait to get my Titan her Hammer of Sol. It's been something awesome, to have been a part of Destiny's community for a whole year already. Well, longer since I was hooked when I first played the beta. It's the only game I've really be able to enjoy like this, to have been a player since day one, to have grown with the game, witnessed and experienced the many changes that came with each new DLC. I say a lot of negative things about Destiny, or rather, I have said a lot of negative things, but the fact that I still play the game on pretty much a daily basis goes to show that while it has its faults, it's still an amazing journey. I'm eager for next week and all the other stuff that was left out of this update.

It's up and down, always up and down. When we're good, we're so good. We work so well together. But when it's bad... It's so bad. When do you know it's worth fighting for? I guess I have no real choice but to just try and hold out until next month when he comes out here. From there we can decide if it's even worth it.

I love how he always comes back to me in the end. He may not think about me all the time, but when he does, he makes the effort to spend time with me. I can't wait for next month. There's no doubt about it, he's going to be out here. And I'll finally be able to be with him, to touch him, to look into his eyes, to kiss him. To simply spend some real time with him. And, if everything goes well, we're going to start talking about pulling weekend visits. Either he'll come out here, or I'll go spend time out there. Arizona is pretty nice in the autumn and winter.

He has a life outside of me which was made so evident today. I'm glad, truly, that he had a great birthday, spent with family and friends, but I hate that I didn't get to share it with him. He went out to the club with Nathan and had drinks and fun and socialized without even thinking about me, because I wasn't there. Because I'm stuck here far away from him. It's silly, I know, to hate that he has a life of his own. That he does things without me. It's silly, I know, to hate that he can have so much fun without me. Because, honestly, it's hard for me to enjoy any time I spend without him. I always wish he was here by my side. Possessive and irrational. I want to monopolize his time, his thoughts. God... I'm crazy about him. Or maybe I'm just a little bit crazy. But, 30 is a milestone. And I missed it.

I wish I was spending today with him.

Am I the worst person ever? Probably. Sometimes. This is not the way he should have to start out his birthday. And yet, I can't help myself by bringing stupid shit up. I hate that I feel so much, so much pain and rejection, at the stupidest little things.



I hate this distance... Things would be so much easier if I could just be there, or he here.

It's funny, seeing people online I used to enjoy talking to, knowing I don't talk to them anymore. I don't interact with anything they do. It's just one of those things. I sometimes miss the conversations.

So, the Twitch reveal for the last bit of Taken King content.... Yeah. I want the swords. I want those sexy, sexy swords. All of them. Right now.